PN4291 
.M625 




Glass IP Al^M 

Book L_ 

Copyright N" 



coraraGHT DEPosm 



DIALOCyiS 




T-S* DenisonSrCompany Chicago 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successful and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free. 



DRAMAS, COMEDIES, 
ENTERTAINMENTS, Etc. 

M, F. 

Aaron Boggs, Freshman, 3 

acts, 2% hrs (35c) 8 8 

Abbu San of Old Japan, 2 acts, 

2 hrs (35c) IS 

After the Game, 2 acts, 1^ 

hrs (25c) 1 9 

All a Mistake, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(35c) 4 4 

All on Account of Polly, 3 acts, 

254 hrs (35c) 6 10 

And Home Came Ted, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (£0c) 6 6 

Arizona Cowboy, 4 acts, 2J4 

hrs (35c) 7 5 

Assisted by Sadie, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (50c) 6 6 

As a Woman Thinketh, 3 acts, 

2y2 hrs (35c) 9 7 

At the End of the Rainbow, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (35c) 6 14 

Black Heifer, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 9 3 

Boy Scout Hero, 2 acts, 1^4 hrs. 

(25c) 17 

Boy Scouts' Good Turn, 3 acts, 

\Va hrs (25c) 16 2 

Brookdale Farm, 4 acts, 2 54 

hrs (25c) 7 3 

Brother Josiah, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(25c) 7 4 

Busy Liar, 3 acts, 2^ h. (25c) 7 4 
Call of the Colors, 2 acts, 1^ 

hrs (25c) 4 10 

Call of Wohelo, 3 acts, 13/4 

hrs (25c) 10 

Camouflage of Shirley, 3 acts, 

2H hrs (35c) 8 10 

Civil Service, 3 acts, 2y^ hrs. 

(35c) 6 5 

College Town, 3 acts, 2^ 

hrs (35c) 9 8 

Deacon Dubbs, 3 acts, 214 hrs. 

(35c) 5 5 

Deacon Entangled, 3 acts, 2 hrs. 

(3Sc) 6 4 

Down in Dixie, 4 acts, 2^4 

hrs (25c) 8 4 

Dream That Came True, 3 

acts, 21/4 hrs (35c) 6 13 

Editor-in-Chief, 1 hr (25c) 10 

Enchanted Wood, 1^ h.(35c).Optnl, 
Everyyouth, 3 acts, l^^ h. (25c) 7 6 
Face at the Window, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (2Sc) 4 4 

For the Love of Johnny, 3 

acts, 214 hrs (50c) 6 3 

Fun on the Podunk Limited, 

11/2 hrs (30c) 9 14 

Gettin' Acquainted, 25 min. 

(35c) 1 2 

Her Honor, the Mayor, 3 arts, 

2 hrs (35c) 3 5 



M. f. 

High School Freshman, 3 acts, 

2 hrs. (25c) 12 

Indian Days, 1 hr (50c) 5 2 

In Plum Valley, 4 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 6 4 

Jayville Junction, ly^ hrs. (25c) 14 17 
Kicked Out of College, 3 acts, 

2Va hrs (35c) 10 9 

Kingdom of Heart's Content, 3 

acts, 2J4 hrs (35c) 6 12 

Laughing (Ture, 2 acts, 1^4 hrs. 

(35c) 4 5 

Lighthouse Nan, 3 acts, 2J4 

hrs (35c) 5 4 

Little Buckshot, 3 acts, 2^ hrs. 

(25c) • 7 4 

Little Clodhopper, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (35c) 3 4 

Mirandy's Minstrels. , .. (30c) Optnl. 
Mrs. Tubbs of Shantytown, 3 

acts, 21/4 hrs (35c) 4 7 

My Irish Rose, 3 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(35c) 6 6 

Old Maid's Club, 1>4 hrs. (30c) 2 16 
Old Oaken Bucket, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (25c) 8 6 

Old School at Hick'ry Holler, 

1^ hrs (30c) 12 9 

On the Little Big Horn, 4 acts, 

21^ hrs (25c) 10 4 

Poor Married Man, 3 acts, 2 

hrs (35c) 4 4 

Prairie Rose. 4 acts, 2i4h.(35c) 7 4 
Real Thing After All, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (35c) 7 9 

Rustic Romeo, 2 acts, 2i/4 

hrs (35c) 10 12 

Ruth in a Rush, 3 acts, 2J4 

hrs (35c) 5 7 

Safety First,, 3 acts, 

2^ hrs (35c) 5 5 

Southern Cinderella, 3 acts. 2 

hrs (30c) 7 

Spark of Life, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 4 4 

Spell of the Image, 3 acts. 2'/2 

hrs (35c) 10 10 

Star Bright, 3 acts, 2J4 h. (35c) 6 5 
Those Dreadful Twins, 3 acts, 

2 hrs (25c) 6 4 

Thread of Destiny, 3 acts, 2i/4 

hrs (35c) 9 16 

Tony, the Convict, 5 acts, 2^ 

hrs (25c) 7 4 

. Trial of Hearts, 4 acts, 2J4 hrs. 

(35c) 6 18 

Trip to Storvland, 1 14 hrs.(25c) 17 23 
Uncle Josh, 4 acts, 2^4 hrs. (25c) 8 3 
Under Blue Skies, 4 acts, 2 

hrs (35c) 7 10 

When Smith Stepped Out, 3 

acts, 2 hrs (50c) 4 4 

Whose Little Bride Are You? 

3 acts, 2^ hrs (50c) 5 5 

Winning Widow, 2 acts, 1}4 hrs. 

(25c) 2 4 



T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Publishers,154W. Randolph St.. Chicago 



DIALOGUES 
FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



FOR ALL AGES 




BY 




MARY L. MONAGHAN 




AUTHOR OF 




Dialogues for District Schools*' and '* Country School 
Dialogues** 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



\^''^' '\r /*.. ;^t 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL Sj^.{^$' \ .. 



COPYRIGHT. 1920 

BY 

MARY L. MONAGHAN 



©CI.A576204 



Kvi^i 



VVwft t 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



CONTENTS 



PAGE 

All's Well That Ends Well (1 M, 5 F.) 27 

Appearances Are Deceptive (6 F.) 22 

Awkward Emma (2 M., 4 F.) 38 

The City Cousin (6 F.) 100 

Columbus and the Egg (4 M., 2 F.) ; 44 

A Costly Joke (3 M., 4 F.) 11 

The Dusky Heiress (6 M, 2 F.) 105 

Each to His Trade (4 M., 2 F.) 48 

Entertainments (3 M., 7 F.) 56 

It's Easy to Cook (3 M., 1 F.) 60 

John's Lucky Day (2 M., 2 F.) 67 

Little Hypocrites (4 M., 7 F.) 71 

Mamma Says (2 M., 4 R) 79 

A Needed Lesson (1 M., 3 F.) 18 

Once Too Often (2 M., 4 F.) 87 

Our Set (2 M., 5 F.) 83 

The Rehearsal (3 M., 4 F.) 92 

A Slight Mistake (1 M., 3 F.) 5 

Surplus Energy (3 M., 4 F.) 113 

Their Regretted Agreement (5 M.) 96 

Votes for Women (1 M., 7 F.) 116 

Who Cut the Swing (6 M,, 1 F.) 124 

(M., Male. F., Female) 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



TO THE TEACHER. 

The custom of closing the rural school with an enter- 
tainment has long been in vogue, and its popularity- 
does not seem to be waning. Other occasions, such 
as Thanksgiving and Washington's Birthday, are now 
also usually observed by having the pupils present a 
program. During the war many districts raised their 
quota of money for the Red Cross and other organi- 
zations by means of box suppers generally preceded by 
a few songs, recitations and dialogues from the chil- 
dren. This method will probably be continued for the 
purpose of procuring library books and other accesso- 
ries, as it appeals to both the pupils and parents. But 
while entertainments are held in high favor, and all 
concede the pleasure and benefit resulting from them, 
the teacher realizes the small amount of time which can 
be given to their preparation and the limitations of the 
little amateurs. These facts were held constantly in 
mind during the writing of this book. An effort was 
made to provide material easily learned and the cos- 
tumes and properties called for are those found in 
every home. 

Frequently boys and girls of the district who are 
no longer attending school wish to take part in the 
entertainment. Several dialogues are introduced which 
may prove suitable for them. 

The author sincerely trusts that "Dialogues for Rural 
Schools" will prove helpful to rural school teachers. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



A SLIGHT MISTAKE. 

CHARACTERS. 

Mrs. Leeman. Melissie Hopkins. 

Miss Aggie. Mr. Leeman. 

Scene : Living room. 

Discovered, Mrs. Leeman. 

Enter Miss Aggie. 

Mrs. Leeman. Well, Aggie, I thought you were 
going to stand at that telephone all afternoon and me 
just dying of curiosity. All I could hear was: "How 
dreadful!" "Isn't it awful!" "It won't be safe for the 
children!" "I'll be afraid to stir out of the house!" 
Whatever is the matter? A lion at large? Or another 
mad dog scare? 

Miss Aggie. Neither of those, but I don't know 
if it is not worse. It's a crazy woman at large. 

Mrs. Leeman. A crazy woman ! Where's she from? 
Isn't there anyone responsible for her? They ought 
to shut her up somewhere so she can do no harm. 

Miss Aggie. They'd be glad to — if they could find 
her. She broke away from her guards at the Junction. 
She had been working for the Kempers in Carterville. 
Mrs. Kemper brought her from the city the last time 
she was there. No one knows much about her. She 
began to act strangely and they were taking her to 
Fulton for observation. She became very violent and 
jumped from the train. By the time the guards had 
alighted, she had completely disappeared. They have 
been warning all the folks in the neighborhood. I'm 
going to lock the front door, and don't you think you 
had better call the children in, or at least see if they 
are in the yard? (Moves toward door.) 



6 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Mrs. Leeman {rising). Yes, I'll go tell them they 
must stay right by the house. 

Miss Aggie {screaming). Oh! Oh! Oh! 

Mrs. Leeman {hurrying to her side). What is it? 

Miss Aggie {leaning against Mrs. Leeman). Hold 
me! I'm going to faint. (Mrs. Leeman looks out of 
the window and also screams.) 

Mrs. Leeman. She's coming here ! {Pushes Miss 
Aggie away.) 1 can't hold you. I'm going to faint 
myself. {Drops into chair. Loud knock is heard.) 

Miss Aggie. We'll not let her in. Come with me 
and we'll lock the front door. 

Mrs. Leeman {rising). Yes, yes. Hurry or maybe 
she'll walk right in. {They move toward door. Mrs. 
Leeman stops and detains Miss Aggie.) No, no. We 
must let her in or she'll go 'round to the back and the 
children are there. Oh, hurry. Maybe she's started 
'round already. {Much louder knock is heard.) No, 
she's still there. Oh, I'm frightened. {They open 

^^ '^ Enter Melissie. 

Melissie {depositing suitcase on Hoor and throwing 
handbag on table, which is at back of stage). When 
they try to make a monkey out of Melissie Hopkins, 
they find themselves coming out the little end of the 
horn. {Takes seat. Mrs. Leeman and Miss Aggie 
stand close together behind table.) I couldn't stand 
them right from the start anyhow — talking about prize 
fighters and horse racing — no fit conversation for a 
lady to hear. I gave them a new subject, though. 
{Laughs loudly.) 

Mrs. Leeman {to Miss Aggie). I'm so glad she 
seems to be happy about it — if we can only keep her 
that way. 

Miss Aggie. But they're so changeable — the next 
minute she may be violent. 

Melissie {still laughing) . How they looked ! They 
never thought I'd do it. 

Mrs. Leeman. We must humor her. Agree to 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 7 

everything she says. John will be home any minute 
now. 

Melissie {suddenly). Well, how many children? 

Mrs. Leeman and Miss Aggie. How many chil- 
dren? 

Melissie. Of course. Don't you know? 

Mrs. Leeman. Do you mean how many children 
in the family? 

Melissie. Sure. Fm not worrying about the neigh- 
bors. Let them tend to their own business, I say, and 
I'll tend to mine. 

Miss Aggie {to Mrs. Leeman). She seems to have 
adopted us. 

Mrs. Leeman, For heaven's sake, Aggie, don't try 
to joke. The situation is serious. {To Melissie.) 
There are five children in the family. 

Melissie. Five ? Well, that's all right. I like chil- 
dren and I'm used to them. 

Miss Aggie {aside). Gracious! She's going to stay 
with us. 

Mrs. Leeman {to Miss Aggie). Let's sit down. 
{They do so hut nervously on edge of chairs.) If we 
can just keep her talking peaceably. {To Melissie, 
pleasantly.) How many children were there at your 
last place? 

Melissie. Three hundred and sixty-five. (Miss 
Aggie laughs aloud — tries to pretend she was cough- 
ing.) 

Mrs. Leeman {shaking Miss Aggie). Behave your- 
self. What do you care no matter what she says? 

Miss Aggie. I couldn't help it. 

Melissie {coldly). The lady seems to think some- 
thing's funny. 

Miss Aggie {quickly). Oh, no! I — I — often have 
spells like this. 

Melissie {to Mrs. Leeman). You're the lady of 
the house, are you ? This other one's got no authority, 
has she? 

Miss Aggie {indignantly). I most certainly have. 



8 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Melissie. You're the old maid aunt, I reckon. 
They are a regular nuisance around the house. 

Miss Aggie {still more indignantly). I'm not an old 
maid! 

Melissie {loudly). Eh? What? 

Mrs. Leeman {terrified, to Miss Aggie). Oh, give 
in to her, Aggie. What's the difference? {To Melis- 
sie.) Yes, she's my sister. She lives here with us 
and she's an old — (Miss Aggie glares at her) she's 
not married. 

Melissie. About fifty, I should say. 

Miss Aggie. I'm not. 

Mrs. Leeman {giving Miss Aggie a shove). Yes, 
she's fifty-one. (Miss Aggie very indignant.) 

Melissib. Now about the one with the fractured 
hip. (Mrs. Leeman and Miss Aggie very much as- 
tonished.) 

Mrs. Leeman. What! 

Miss Aggie {vindictively to Mrs. Leeman). I had 
to be the old maid to satisfy her. Suppose you take 
a tumble to provide the cripple. {Pushes Mrs. Lee- 
man slightly.) 

Mrs. Leeman {to Miss Aggie). Oh, Aggie, how 
can you? What shall we do? She'll get violent the 
minute she's not humored. 

Melissie. Well, I'm rested now. I'll go to see the 
patient and get everything started right. {Firmly.) 
You might as well understand, though, that I have my 
own way. I take orders from no one. {Rises and 
moves quickly toward table. Mrs. Leeman and Miss 
Aggie scream and put up hands as if to ward off as- 
sailant. Door opens.) 

Enter Mr. Leeman. 

Mrs. Leeman. Oh, John! John! You're just in 
time to save our lives. (Melissie is amazed.) 

Mr. Leeman. What's the matter? I expected to 
find somebody killed. Such screams! You'll have the 
neighbors in. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 9 

Miss Aggie. John, she's crazy. Pick up a chair or 
something. 

Melissie (aside, growing indignant). Are they 
talking about me? Are they? 

Mr. Leeman. Were there two of them? Surely 
not. 

Mrs. Leeman. John, have they captured one crazy 
woman? Have we been making a mistake? 

Miss Aggie. This one is crazy, too. She said I 
was fifty years old. 

Mr. Leeman (aside). That's no sign she's crazy. 

Melissie (truculently). Say, what's all this talk 
about being crazy? (To Mrs. Leeman.) What makes 
you think I'm crazy? 

Mrs. Leeman (meekly). Well, when you first came 
in, you acted angry and then you laughed. 

Melissie (laughs). Oh, yes, I was sore at those 
fellows and then I had to laugh at how cheap they 
looked when I gave them a Httle instruction on how to 
behave, and knocked the cigarettes out of their mouths. 
I said I'd do it and I did it. 

Miss Aggie. But what fellows? The guards? 

Melissie (angry). Don't you let me hear you say 
"guards" again. (Miss Aggie frightened.) I mean 
those fellows running that auto bus I came up in from 
the Junction. 

Mr. Leeman. Oh, Bill Jones and Ed Brown. Say, 
they needed anything you handed them. 

Melissie. They wanted to overcharge me. I told 
them I wouldn't talk till they threw away their cigar- 
ettes. They got a little sassy then and I had to be firm 
with them. 

Mr. Leeman. Good! Good for you! 

Mrs. Leeman. But the three hundred and sixty- 
five children? 

Melissie. Oh, I worked last in an orphan asylum. 
But I cooked in one day for the poor little kids the 
supplies that should have lasted a week. I had a dis- 
pute with the head then and I left. 



10 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Mr. Leeman {aside). Wish I could have heard that 
dispute. 

Miss Aggie. But the fractured hip? 

Melissie. Well, it looks like you'd know it if you 
have some one in the house with a fractured hip. When 
Dr. Leeman engaged me — {turns to Mr. Leeman) 
Say, you're not the one who hired me at the employ- 
ment agency this morning. 

Miss Aggie {laughing). Of course he isn't. You 
came to the wrong house. This is Mr. Leeman the 
lawyer, not the doctor. 

Melissie {pondering). Do you think those fellows 
played a trick on me? Well, I dunno. Maybe I just 
said "Leeman's." Didn't think there might be two in 
the town. They could have asked me, though. 

Mrs. Leeman. You're going to work for Dr. Lee- 
man's ? 

Melissie. Yes. He was in the city this morning 
and came 'round to the agency and employed me. 

Miss Aggie {aside). Lizzie Leeman has met her 
match at last. 

Melissie. He said I looked as if I wouldn't leave 
every time his wife or sister-in-law discharged me. 
He said he had another sister-in-law who had been 
hurt. 

Mrs. Leeman {to Miss Aggie and Mr. Leeman). 
Oh, of course— Isabelle. {To Melissie.) She was 
hurt in an auto accident. I wonder why we didn't re- 
alize you had come to the wrong house. 

Melissie {laughing) . You were too busy thinking 
I was crazy. 

Mrs. Leeman. I am so sorry. 

Melissie. Don't worry. I was beginning to think 
the same of you all. What did you holler for when I 
came over to get my handkerchief out of my handbag? 
{Picks up hag and takes out handkerchief.) 

Mrs. Leeman. We thought — we thought — 

Melissie {laughing). Thought I was going to get 
you, didn't you? 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 11 

Mr. Leeman. I have to go past the doctor's. I'll 
take you up there. And I won't smoke on the way. 

Melissie. Why, that's real good of you. 

Mr. Leeman {to Mrs. Leeman). I'll be back in 
an hour or so. {Exit.) 

Melissie {picking up suitcase and handbag). Well, 
goodbye. I dunno 'bout Dr. Leeman's. I imagine the 
women folks up there are hard to get along with, but 
I'll try to be firm with them. {Exit.) 

Miss Aggie. She'll try to be firm with them. Try 
to! Lizzie Leeman is going to get the surprise of her 
life. I forgive Melissie for that mistake she made 
about my age, when I think of how she is going to set- 
tle those folks. Say, let's clean up the house this after- 
noon so we can go up there tomorrow to hear what 
they have to say about their new girl after she has been 
**firm" with them for a few hours. 

Curtain. 



A COSTLY JOKE. 

characters. 
Miss Etta. Roy. 

Miss Frances. Albert. 

Kate. May. Jerry. 

Other Pupils to form School. 

Scene: School room. 

Miss Etta entering room and glancing around. 

Miss Etta. I am so glad that everything looks nice 
and clean. George is really improving in his janitor 
work. Now, if the children will only be good while 
Aunt Fanny is here. {Goes L. to hang up hat. Drops 
hat and screams.) Oh, a mouse! A mouse! Oh, boys! 
Boys! {Rushes from room.) 

Enter Albert, Roy, Jerry, Kate and May. Girls 
stand at edge of stage and appear frightened. Boys, 
who have sticks, chase mouse {apparently), with ex- 



12 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

clamations such as: "There it is!" ''Oh, I missed it!" 
''Watch out, it's coming your way!" "Don't let it get 
out!" 

Albert (striking). Ah! I got it. (Holds up dead 
mouse previously placed on stage, then chases girls 
with it.) 

Roy. Hold on a minute, Albert. I've got a scheme. 
(They stop and listen.) Let's put the mouse in the 
teacher's desk. 

Jerry. Oh, yes, let's. She'll squeal fit to kill. It 
will be lots of fun. 

Kate. Don't do anything of the sort. Ifs mean. 

May. If you do, I'll tell her. 

Albert. Oh, it's just for fun. She won't get mad. 

Jerry. Give me that ribbon, May. I want to deco- 
rate the mouse. (Seises narrow red ribbon from May 
and ties it round neck of mouse. Boys laugh. Girls 
disapprove.) 

Albert. Now we'll hide it in her desk. Hurry! 
She'll be in in a minute. 

Roy. Put it in the chalk box. When she reaches 
for a piece she'll touch it. (Jerry does so.) 

Jerry. I'll put this piece of paper kind of over it 
a little ways, so she won't see it at once. (Does so.) 
Now, let's call her in. 

Kate. You boys are horrid. 

May. It's just a shame! 

Albert (going to door). Come on in. Miss Etta. 
We killed the mouse. 

Miss Etta re-enters. 

Miss Etta. Oh, did you really get it, boys? I'm 
so glad. I would have been nervous all day if I 
thought it were anywhere in the room. I'm not afraid 
of mice. (Pupils laugh.) I mean — I mean I'm not 
exactly afraid — but I — I — don't like them. (Looks 
at clock.) It's time for books now. (Pupils take 
seats.) 

Miss Etta rings bell Other pupils enter. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 13 

Miss Etta. I am so glad that every pupil is pres- 
ent. My aunt, Miss Frances Manners, is going to 
visit the school today. She will be here soon. I had 
to hurry ahead as I was afraid I would be late. She 
is a former school teacher and I am going to ask her 
to hear some of your lessons ; that is, I am going to per- 
mit her to. She said to me, "I am afraid I won't seem 
natural to act as a visitor. Don't be surprised if you 
see me with a piece of chalk in my hand the minute 
I get in the room, and at the board conducting an 
arithmetic class." (Albert_, Roy and Jerry look ap- 
prehensive.) And I am specially glad you boys killed 
that mouse. Aunt Fanny abhors the ugly little crea- 
tures even worse than I do. It would spoil her whole 
day to see one. She is bringing a treat for you, a great 
big box of candy, I know it isn't necessary for me to 
remind you that you must thank her nicely. Now we 
will have our memory gems. {She calls on various pu- 
pils for quotations. Knock is heard. She goes to 
door.) 

May {to Albert, Roy and Jerry). You boys get 
that mouse out of the chalk box. 

Albert. How can we? 

Kate. Well, you do it somehow. 

Enter Miss Frances. 

Miss Etta {to pupils, who have risen). Pupils, this 
is Miss Frances Manners. She has often heard me 
speak of you and has often wanted to visit our nice 
little school. You may be seated now. {All take 
seats.) Aunt Fanny, the pupils were just reciting their 
memory gems. 

Miss Frances. So you have memory gems as an 
opening exercise. How nice ! That was also a custom 
of mine. It will be a pleasure for me to hear the pupils 
give their quotations from the great authors. 

Miss Etta. Albert, let us hear yours now. 

Albert {rising). Miss Etta, if you don't mind, I'd 
like to write mine on the board. 



14 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Miss Etta. Why, Albert, you have never done that. 
It is the custom to give the memory gem orally. 

Roy. He's got a bad cold, Miss Etta. Mebbe it 
would strain his voice to say it. Better let him write 
it on the board. 

Miss Etta. Why, he didn't seem to be hoarse. 

Albert {in deep voice). Oh, yes, I am, Miss Etta. 

Roy. I stayed at his house last night and he had 
the croup. 

Miss Etta {laughing). A big boy like that with 
the croup. But I don't want to run the risk of injuring 
his voice. You may write your quotation, Albert. 

Albert {aside). You watch me get that mouse out 
of there. {He approaches desk. Miss Etta picks up 
piece of chalk from desk and reaches it toward him. 
He ignores it and reaches toward box.) 

Miss Etta. Here's a piece of chalk. 

Albert. Can't I have a whole piece? 

Miss Etta. Why, Albert, can't you see? This is 
a whole piece. 

Albert. Oh, I meant a little piece. The directors 
said we were wasting too much chalk and I'd like to 
use the little pieces first. 

Miss Etta. How economical you're getting! {Still 
holds out piece of chalk towards him. Albert hesi- 
tates.) 

Jerry {to Albert). Take it, you chump! She'll 
catch on. (Albert takes chalk.) 

Roy {aside). I'll get that mouse out of there. {To 
Miss Etta.) Miss Etta, Jerry is sick. 

Jerry {surprised) . I ain't. 

Roy {to Jerry). You are. Get them down here and 
give me a chance. 

Jerry. I mean — yes, I am. I feel awful bad. 
{Puts head down on desk and groans.) 

Miss Etta. Gracious! He's taken suddenly. {To 
Albert.) Albert, take your seat. {He does so. Miss 
Etta and Miss Frances approach Jerry's desk. Roy 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 15 

slips toward teacher's desk and is reaching for chalk 
box when Miss Etta turns and sees him.) 

Miss Etta (sharply). Roy, take your seat. (He 
does so.) 

Jerry (raising his head). Did you get it? 

Miss Etta. Did he get it? Did he get what? (To 
Miss Frances.) Do you think the child is delirious? 

Miss Frances (feeling Jerry's head). No, he 
doesn't seem to have any fever. (To Jerry.) What 
did you mean? Did he get what? 

Jerry. I — I — I don't know. 

Albert. I guess he was talking in his sleep. He 
always does. 

Miss Etta. But he was not asleep. I can't under- 
stand it. (To Miss Frances.) Do you think we ought 
to send for his mother? 

Jerry (emphatically) . Oh, no! I'm all right now. 
That's the way I always am — one minute like to die 
and the next all right. I feel just as well as ever. 

Miss Etta. Well, you don't appear to be sick, that 
is certain. I will wait a while. (Miss Frances and 
Miss Etta resume seats.) 

Kate (to Albert, Roy and Jerry). I guess one of 
us girls will have to get that mouse out of the chalk 
box before Miss Etta or her aunt sees it. 

Albert. Go ahead and try. Mebbe you won't find 
it so easy. 

Kate. Miss Etta, please may I put the chalk around 
today ? 

Miss Etta. But I have always handed the chalk to 
the pupils as they passed to the board. Why do you 
wish to change? 

. Kate. I want — I — I — don't like to see you have to 
work so hard, Miss Etta. 

Miss Etta (smiling). It is very hard work to hand 
out a few pieces of chalk, isn't it? But you may put 
some around if you wish. (Kate proceeds briskly to 
desk, hesitates, reaches hand toward box gingerly, 
withdraws it quickly, repeats this.) 



16 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Albert (in stage whisper). Well, for the love of 
Pete! 

Roy. She's got a chance and won't take it. 

Jerry. Wish I was up there. 

Miss Etta {puzzled). Whatever is the matter with 
you, Kate? 

May. She's kind of nervous. Miss Etta. I think 
she's going to have a spell of — of typhoid — or some- 
thing. 

Miss Frances {aside). This is a sickly school. 

May. Let me put around the chalk, Miss Etta. 
{She advances toward the desk, then acts as Kate 
did. Boys half rise from seats and show marked im- 
patience.) 

Miss Etta {aside). I never saw the pupils act so 
strangely. What can be the cause ? 

Miss Frances. There's something in that box. 
{Picks up box quickly, removes paper, sees mouse, 
screams, drops box and mounts chair. Miss Etta 
also screams and gets upon chair.) 

Miss Etta. Boys, boys, kill it. {Boys rush toward 
front of room. Miss Frances gets down from chair 
and waves them back.) 

Miss Frances {to boys). Don't trouble yourselves. 
{To Miss Etta.) Get down, Etta. The mouse is 
dead. Don't you see the red ribbon on its neck ? Your 
pupils have played a very, very naughty trick. I shall 
not stay here to be further insulted. {Exit.) 

Albert. We didn't mean to play a trick on her. 
Miss Etta. We didn't know she was coming. We just 
wanted to hear you squeal a little. 

Miss Etta. Oh, boys, how could you? I've told 
Aunt Fanny so often how nice you all were and now 
to have her visit spoiled like this. 

Roy. We're sorry. Miss Etta. We tried to get it 
out. {To Kate and May.) If you girls had only 
picked up the box when you had a chance you could 
have thrown the mouse out the window just as easy; 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 17 

but no, you had to go this way. {Imitates their ac- 
tions. ) 

Kate. That's right. Try to put the blame on us. 
We told you not to do it. 

Jerry {aside). She left the candy, anyhow. 

Miss Frances re-enters. She picks up candy and 
marches out — chorus of disappointed "Oh's" from 
smaller pupils.) 

Miss Etta. Fve told you so often not to play prac- 
tical jokes. They are always based on the fact that 
some one is to suffer fright, embarrassment or some 
other disagreeable emotion. And think of all the sto- 
ries you told — ^Albert's cold, Jerry's illness and Kate's 
nervousness. Very often, though, the jokers turn out 
to be the ones who suffer. 

Roy. We did this time. Miss Etta. My, that was 
a big box of candy! 

Kate. And we lose it through your fault. They 
ought to buy us another box, oughtn't they. Miss Etta ? 

May. They have some money they are saving to 
buy a football. I think we have first claim on it. 

Miss Etta. Let them think it over and see what 
decision they come to. 

Albert. We won't have to think very long, Miss 
Etta. We know what's good for us. Those girls 
would never get done talking about that lost box of 
candy, if we didn't come across. 

Jerry. Playing jokes ! Well, Fm cured. 

Roy. So'm I. 

Albert. Here, too. {He picks up mouse and holds 
it in view of audience.) This little beast cost us a 
fine football. 

Curtain. 



18 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



A NEEDED LESSON. 

characters. 
Lucille. Isabelle. 

Alma. Bobby. 

Scene: Living room. 

Discovered, Lucille, Alma_, Bobby. They are 
all reading. 

Lucille (throwing down hook and yawning). Oh, 
dear ! I almost wish I had gone to Aunt Mary's with 
papa and mamma. It's so tiresome spending the even- 
ing by ourselves. 

Bobby. Say, that just makes me think of it. Al 
Kennard and Ed Aikins are coming up after a while. 
They were at Elmwood's when I passed on my way 
home from school and they told me, but I forgot all 
about it. 

Lucille {rising). Well, Bobby Brown, I wish 
you'd keep your wits about you. They'll be here any 
minute now, and look at this old rag of a dress I have 
on, and my hair not fixed. Why didn't you tell me 
as soon as you got home? 

Bobby. Why — why — I was a good piece away from 
them when they hollered at me, and I couldn't hear 
very well what they said, and — and — I didn't think. 

Lucille. No, you never think of anything but hur- 
rying home, slopping up your work any old way, and 
then burying your nose in one of those silly story 
books. You're getting worse every day. 

Alma. Now, Lucille, don't scold. Boys always for- 
get. Besides I think it rather cool of Al and Ed just 
calmly sending that word. How did they know their 
company would prove agreeable? They should have 
telephoned and asked permission to call. It would 
serve them right to be met at the door with a "not at 
home" message. 

Lucille. Now, try to be dignified, will you? You 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 19 

know the boys of this town don't stand on ceremony. 
{Looks around room.) Say, this room is a fright. 
Look at the dust — and everything scattered around. 
I'm going to make mamma speak to Mary Ann about 
the way she neglects her work. Alma, you straighten 
things up a bit while I call up Smith's and order ice 
cream. It's lucky we have some cake in the house. 
Bobby, you beat it. Go to bed. 

Alma. Lucille, don't speak like that. 

Bobby. Go to bed! I guess not. But say, I'll go 
down to Smith's for the ice cream, if you want me to. 

Lucille. Well, maybe that will be better than 
'phoning. They don't pay any attention to half their 
orders lately. Come on and I'll get you some money 
and tell you the kind. Alma, aren't you going to do 
anything to this room? Come on, Bobby. Oh, dear! 
If you had only told me as soon as you got home. 
{Exeunt Lucille and Bobby.) 

Alma {putting papers and magazines in order). 
Just as excited as if she were expecting a visit from 
the President. Lucille is such a little goose. {Knock 
is heard.) Well, here are those wonderful boys. {Goes 
to door, aside at edge of stage.) Oh, it's Isabelle 
Watson. Now just watch Lucille go up in the air 
entirely. ^^^^^ Isabelle. 

Alma {continuing). Isabelle, I'm so glad to see 
you. It's been ages since you were here. {They take 
seats.) 

Isabelle. I know, but it takes me so long every 
evening to get my lessons. We have such hard studies 
this year. Where's Lucille? She's at home, isn't she? 
I want her to play some of her new pieces. 

Alma. Yes, she's at home and she'll be glad to 
play for you, I know. {Aside.) That's an awful story. 

Lucille re-enters. She does not see Isabelle at first, 

Lucille. I know my hair is a fright. {Sees Isa- 
belle — aside). Well, of all things! She heard they 
were coming and had to rush over, but I'll freeze her 



20 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

out. (Advances into room and takes chair, picks up 
book, says ''Good evening" very coldly to Isabelle 
and starts to read.) 

Isabelle {aside). She's not very cordial. Wonder 
what she thinks is the matter with her. 

Alma {to Lucille). Now, Lucille. (Lucille 
looks up, makes face at Alma, then resumes reading.) 

Isabelle {aside). A fine way to treat a guest. 

Alma {aside). 1 feel like shaking her. {To Lu- 
cille.) Lucille, Isabelle wants you to play some of 
your new songs. 

Lucille {still reading). I don't care to play this 
evening. 

Alma {in low voice). Lucille, don't be so hateful. 

Isabelle. I thought you liked to play, Lucille. 

Lucille. I do — for my friends. 

Alma. Lucille ! 

Isabelle {rising). Well, that's enough. 

Alma {rising and placing hand on Isabelle's arm). 
Oh, Isabelle, don't mind her. You know she takes 
these funny spells. (Isabelle moves toward door.) 
Don't go, Isabelle. Please don't. 

Isabelle. Yes, I am going. I won't stay where 
I'm not wanted. But you must come over soon. Alma. 

Alma. Yes, I will; but I'm so sorry you won't 
stay. 

Isabelle {turning at door). It will be a long time 
before you see me here again, Lucille Brown. 

Lucille. You weren't asked this time, if I know 
anything about it. {Exit Isabelle. Alma resumes 
seat, looks sternly at Lucille, who laughs. Lucille 
continuing.) That floored her all right. I got the 
last word. 

Alma. I am utterly ashamed of you. 

Lucille {indifferently). Is that so? Why did she 
have to come over here just because she heard Ed and 
Al were to spend the evening with us? 

Alma. You haven't the slightest grounds for sup- 
posing that she knew anything about it. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 21 

Lucille. Oh, of course she did. She hasn't been 
over here for months till this evening. 

Alma. She said she was busy every evening with 
her lessons. 

Lucille. Oh, stuff! You don't see me spending 
much time over those tiresome old books. 

Alma. That's true, anyhow. 

Lucille. Besides, she's perfectly silly over Al. 

Alma. So are you — and over Ed, too, and nearly 
every boy you know. I've a notion to tell mamma 
the way you treated Isabelle. You ought to be 
ashamed. 

Lucille. Oh, stop your preaching! Listen! 
There's some one on the porch. (Rises, fixes hair, 
glances at mirror, etc.) 

Bobby re-enters. 

Bobby. They're not coming. 

Lucille. What I 

Bobby. Al and Ed are not coming. I met them 
just down the street and they asked me if Tom was 
at home, and I said, "No," so they won't be here. 

Alma {smiling). So Tom was the one they wanted 
to see? 

Bobby. Yes, they are trying to get up a baseball 
nine and wanted to talk to him about it. They said 
they told me to tell him to stay at home and they 
were mad 'cause I didn't. But I never heard them say 
anything about Tom. All I heard was something 
about being up after supper. 

Lucille. Well, after this, try to get your messages 
straight. 

Bobby. After this I won't take any messages. I 
don't get anything but fussin' on all sides. 

Alma. Never mind, Bobby. Come into the din- 
ing-room and we'll have some ice cream. 

Bobby. Say, when Al found out I had ice cream, 
he wanted to come in anyhow, but Ed wouldn't let 
him. He said it would be all right if they could eat 



22 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

five or six dishes and then go, but he knew Lucille 
would make them stay the whole evening. 

Lucille. Ed Aikins said that? 

Bobby. Yes. And then Al said to let him dig out 
a little with his pocket knife, but I didn't know how 
you'd like it, and anyhow just then Isabelle Watson 
came along and I slipped off. (Lucille drops into 
chadr and puts head on table.) 

Alma (aside), Isabelle and the boys will put two 
and two together and make out the fact that Lucille 
is dreadfully foolish. Well, I hope this will prove a 
lesson to her. (To Lucille.) Come, Lucille, let*s 
have the ice cream. (Lucille does not answer.) 

Bobby (taking Alma's hand). Let's hurry, Alma, 
before it melts. (They start across stage.) I'm glad 
those mean old boys didn't come, aren't you? (Exeunt 
Alma and Bobby.) 

Lucille (rising and facing audience). Well, they 
say some people can learn only by experience. I sup- 
pose I belonged to that class. I've had the experience 
all right — now to prove that I've learned a lesson — a 

needed lesson. ^ 

Curtain. 



APPEARANCES ARE DECEPTIVE. 

characters. 

Della. Stella. 

Eva. Lena. 

Laura. Milly. 

Scene: School room. 

Discovered, Della, Eva, Laura, Stella. Stella 
is seated at rear desk, reading. 

Della. Well, as I was saying, I bet if I am ever a 
school teacher I won't have so much stealing going on 
in any school of mine. 

Eva. I think as much. It's getting so we can't put 
down a pencil, or it's gone right away, and as for an 
apple or anything like that — 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 23 

Della. And I guess we'll have to take to keeping 
our lunch boxes in our desks or at noon we'll have 
nothing to eat. I don't see why Miss Hetty doesn't 
do something. 

Laura. But what can she do? Is a pupil going 
to steal while the teacher is looking on ? Do you think 
Miss Hetty is a mind reader? She can't be sure un- 
less she sees, and it's better to let the guilty go unpun- 
ished than to accuse one who is innocent. Then, too, 
you know some of the pupils are so careless. They 
lose their pencils and other articles and then say they 
have been stolen. 

Eva. Oh, hear the preacher! You make me tired. 

Della. I know there is stealing going on in this 
school and {glancing toward Stella) I have an idea 
who the thief is. 

Laura. Oh, Della! 

Della. Well, what's she always stuck in the school 
room for? 

Laura. You know it is because no one will play 
with her, and it's a shame. What if she does dress 
queer? I guess she'd wear pretty clothes as quick as 
anybody if she had them. 

Eva. It's not only her clothes — she acts so funny. 

Laura. She's timid, if that's what you mean. But 
you might be the same your first year in a strange 
school. 

Della. Why is it she never eats her lunch with 
the rest of us? Maybe she has something she doesn't 
want us to see. 

Laura. I don't doubt she has, though I'm sure 
it's not what you think, something taken from the 
lunch boxes of others. If you had to eat black bread 
and old fat meat, you wouldn't want it on exhibition. 
I think the Browns ought to be ashamed — as rich as 
they are — and the way they treat her. Mamma said 
it was a whole lot different when their own children 
were coming to school. They had the best of every- 
thing, but they don't care how they treat Stella because 



24 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

they got her out of an asylum. It's a shame ! People 
ought to think about the orphans at home, as well as 
of those in France and Belgium. 
Enter Lena. 

Lena. Oh, girls, we are having the best game of 
ball ! You ought to come out and play. They stopped 
to get the ball, which went over the fence, and I came 
in to put away my new tablet and pencil. It's not 
safe to leave anything around these days. I hide mine 
way at the bottom of my desk, under all my books. 
{Looks around room.) Say, I don't see my tablet and 
pencil. I put them down somewhere in here and went 
out to the well to get a drink. I thought I'd come 
right back and hide them, but I got to playing ball — 
and now they're gone. But I am going to have them. 
I got my name on the tablet and my initials cut on 
the pencil, so I'll know them, and I'm going to look 
in all the desks. 

Della. You can look in mine, Tm sure. 

Eva. Mine, too. 

Laura. You may look in mine also, if you wish, 
but I don't think it's nice to go through the other 
pupils' desks when they are not in the room. Why 
don't you wait? Perhaps some one is playing a joke 
on you. 

Lena. Yes, like all the other jokes that are being 
played around here. Great jokes, only what is gone 
never turns up. I'm going to search the desks. {Looks 
hastily through desks.) 

Della {seating herself at desk and taking out books). 
Here, Lena, look in mine. {She does so. Eva and 
Laura follow Bella's example. Lena looks in their 
desks. The tablet and pencil are not found.) 

Lena. Then I know where they are. {Advances 
towards Stella's desk.) The other girls all let me 
look in their desks, Stella, and I'm going to look 
through yours. 

Stella {trying to push Lena away). No, no, you 
can't look. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 25 

Eva {to Laura). Now, what do you think of your 
great friend? 

Della. The very idea! She's been taking things 
right and left all this term. (Lena searches Stella^s 
desk and finds tablet and pencil like hers,) 

Lena {holding up tablet and pencil). I knew it! 
I knew it! Here they are! 

Stella {starting to cry). They are mine! They 
are mine ! 

Lena. Just look here, girls. She's rubbed out my 
name and written hers over it and she's cut my ini- 
tials off the pencil. I never saw anything like it. 

Stella. That's my tablet. I wrote my name on it 
and it was all crooked and I rubbed it out and wrote 
it again. 

Della. Oh, Stella, don't make it worse by telling 
lies. 

Lena. And the pencil? I guess you cut your ini- 
tials crooked and then had to shave them off. 

Stella. I cut that place on the pencil and was 
going to write my name in ink and I didn't do it yet. 

Lena. Well, I just guess you won't get a chance 
to do it yet. 

Stella {trying to take tablet and pencil). They 
are mine. I never stole them. (Lena pushes her 
away.) 

Eva. Why, Stella, you know the Browns won't give 
you money for tablets and pencils. They say you can 
use a slate. 

Stella. That agent that was around here selling 
books gave me a dime. I was driving home the cows 
along the road and he dropped a note book and a lot of 
papers fell out and I helped him pick them up and he 
gave me the dime. When I went to town with Mr. 
Brown to help him peddle apples I bought the tablet and 
pencil and hid them in the wagon. When we got home 
I hid them in the barn and I brought them to school 
this morning and wrote my name on the tablet with 
that little piece of pencil you gave me, Laura, and I 



26 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

was going to ask you to lend me your pen and ink 
to write my name on the pencil. I was tired of always 
having to borrow paper from you or getting it from 
Miss Hetty. I thought if I'd ever have any money 
of my own the first thing I would buy would be a 
tablet and pencil — and now I can't get to keep them. 
{Puts head on desk and cries.) 

Laura. Girls, she's telling the truth. 

Lena. Yes, she is ! You think I'm going to give 
up my tablet and pencil? 

Enter Milly with tablet and pencil. 

MiLLY {holding tablet and pencil toward Lena). 
Say, Lena, you certainly take good care of your be- 
longings. I found these out there by the side of the 
house. 

Lena. My tablet and pencil! I remember now. 
I placed them on the window sill and they must have 
fallen out. {Puts Stella''s tablet and pencil on her 
desk.) I'm sorry, Stella. {Turns to others.) Oh, girls, 
I never was so ashamed. 

Della. I was as bad as you. I thought she took 
them. 

Laura {seating herself near Stella and putting her 
arm around her.) Never mind, Stella. The girls feel 
a whole lot worse about it than you do. 

Eva. We certainly do. {Turns to audience.) WeVe 
learned one good lesson. 

Curtain. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 27 



ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL. 
characters. 

Aunt Caroline. Harriet. 

Mrs. Burns. Rose. 

Mildred. Tom. 

Scene: Front porch. 

Discovered, Rose, mending. 

Enter Mrs. Burns. 

Mrs. Burns {dropping into chair and wiping face). 
Land sakes, child, why didn't you go to the picnic 
with the rest of the folks? 

Rose. Aunt Caroline wouldn't let me go; that is, 
she said it would be too crowded in the auto. 

Mrs. Burns. Who went with them? 

Rose. No one. There was just Aunt and the two 
girls — Harriet even wasn't along. She went into the 
city. 

Mrs. Burns. She'd have better thought up another 
excuse than "crowded." 

Rose. I know, too, that it was only an excuse. But 
why couldn't she have let me go along? There's noth- 
ing to be done this afternoon except this mending, and 
I would have been willing to sit up till midnight to 
get it finished. 

Mrs. Burns. That mending's not the reason, 
honey. {Aside.) Aunt Caroline's takin' no chances. 
Old Judge Bond's grandson will be at the picnic and 
she knows he's kind of got his heart set on little Rose 
here. 

Rose. Then what can it be? And she's so — so 
severe with me lately — so much worse than usual. 
She's always making sarcastic remarks and this morn- 
ing I'm almost certain she said something about 
"thief." What could she have meant by that? She 
knows I never stole anything in my whole life. Oh, 



28 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

I can't stand it here much longer. She's not my real 
Aunt, anyhow, only my father's step-sister. I'll go to 
the city and be a servant in earnest — that's all I am 
here. 

Mrs. Burns. No, no, honey. You just wait a 
while. Maybe things will take a turn, and about 
"thief" — why I guess she or some of the girls must 
have been snoopin' around the other day and heard 
you say to me you wished you had a little money, and 
you'd leave, and that you believed you'd steal some. 
Course you were only funnin' and she knows it. 

Rose. That must be it. Well, I suppose she will 
never get done throwing it at me. But I ought to 
be more careful about what I say. 

Mrs. Burns. And about who hears you, honey. 

Rose. Yes, that's true. {Sews a while in silence.) 
They're having a lovely afternoon for their picnic, 
aren't they, Mrs. Burns? 

Mrs. Burns. Yes, indeed, and it's nice that it 
turned out to be fair as it is young Mr. Welland's last 
day here, isn't it? 

Rose. Yes. He told me his father sent word that 
he would have to cut his vacation short. 

Mrs. Burns. But he has been here two months. 
That seems like a good long rest. 

Rose. I know. But he had been promised the 
whole summer. He had been working so hard. Just 
think, Mrs. Burns, manager of that big plant, and he's 
only twenty-four years old. {Pause.) He thinks he 
can come back for a week or two later on, or if he 
can't, he is going to get his sister to come down here. 
He says he's sure we will like each other at once, and 
then I must visit his sister. 

Mrs. Burns. Got it all fixed up, haven't you? 

Rose. Oh, that's just what he says. It will do 
a lot of good, won't it? I can see Aunt Caroline 
letting me go on a visit. Besides, I haven't any nice 
dresses, and I wouldn't know how to act, anyhow. 
I never get to go any place to see how people do. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 29 

Mrs. Burns. Don't let that worry you. A real 
lady always knows how to act, and you're one, as 
were your mother and grandmother. I worked for 
them long enough before I was married to know. 
But look ! Isn't that auto coming here ? Why, it's the 
very lad we were talking about. It's Tom Welland 
and some other young folks. They've come to get 
you to go to the picnic after all. How nice ! 

Rose. But I can't go. Aunt Caroline would never 

get over it. c ^ -r 

^ Enter Tom. 

Tom. Good afternoon, Rose. How do you do, 
Mrs. Burns. {They respond.) 

Rose. Won't you sit down? {Motions to chair.) 

Tom. No, thanks. I've only a moment. Rose, why 
didn't you come to the picnic? I understood from 
your Aunt this morning that you would be there, but 
when I asked about you on her arrival, she said you 
didn't care to come. You didn't care to come and it 
was our only chance to say "goodbye." You know I 
leave early in the morning. 

Rose. Yes, I know, but — ^but — 

Mrs. Burns {aside). I'll take myself out of the 
way. They'll have one chance for a little talk. {To 
Rose.) I'm going over to look at those lovely pansies. 
I want to order some seed. 

Rose {detaining her). No, no, Mrs. Burns; stay 
here. {In lower tones.) He will keep on asking me 
why I didn't go and I can't tell him Aunt Caroline 
wouldn't let me. 

Tom. We found out no one had a kodak at the pic- 
nic and as it's such a fine afternoon for pictures. Bob 
and Clara said they would go for one. I offered to 
drive them in grandfather's car. Seeing you and Mrs. 
Burns on the porch I asked them to wait while I tried 
to persuade you to join us. You'll come, won't you, 
Rose? Tell her she has to, Mrs. Burns. 

Mrs. Burns {aside). I wish the poor child could 
go, but I'd hate to think what she'd get afterwards. 



30 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

{To Tom.) Why, why, I don't know — look, there's 
another auto at the gate. Why {to Rose), it's your 
Aunt Caroline and Mildred. I wonder what brought 
them home. The picnic surely is not breaking up yet. 
{Aside,) I know what brought them — afraid Tom 
would have a word with Rose. They suspected he'd 
stop to ask her why she didn't come, and here they 
are at his heels — all out of breath. 

Enter Aunt Caroline and Mildred. 

Aunt Caroline {dropping into chair and mopping 
face). It looked so much like rain we thought we'd 
hurry home. (Mildred seats herself and motions 
towards a chair for Tom, hut he declines.) 

Mrs. Burns {aside). Like rain — not a cloud in the 
sky. The woman has no imagination. {To Aunt 
Caroline.) Why didn't Violet come home with you? 
Wasn't she afraid of the rain? 

Aunt Caroline {directing sour look towards 
Mrs. Burns, then changing expression and saying 
sweetly). The dear child was having such a good 
time she couldn't tear herself away. 

Mrs. Burns {aside). Huh! They left the dear 
child to watch that end, in case he didn't stop here. 

Mildred {to Tom, sarcastically) . I thought it was 
Clara's kodak you were to get. Rose hasn't any. 

Tom. Oh, er — er — 

Aunt Caroline {to Mildred). Hush! Do you 
want to spoil everything? 

Mildred {to Aunt Caroline). There's nothing 
to spoil. Doesn't this prove what I've always told 
you, that he cares only for little Miss Nobody here? 
{Rises.) I'm going upstairs to fix my hair. It's all 
blown to pieces. {Exit.) 

Aunt Caroline. Just stay and spend the rest of 
the afternoon and the evening with us, Tom. The 
picnic will be breaking up soon. 

Tom {eagerly). Thank you, Mrs. Brant, I'll be de- 
lighted. I must drive Bob and Clara over to the grounds 
but I'll return at once. Come with me, Rose, or I'll be 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 31 

all by myself coming back. Tm company, you know, 
and must be entertained. (Rose glances at Aunt 
Caroline, who looks much flurried.) 

Aunt Caroline. Why, Rose has some work — I — 
I mean she's not ' been feeling well and it looks so 
much like rain — - 

Mrs. Burns {aside). Still harping on that rain. 

Aunt Caroline. But Mildred will be very glad 
to accompany you. Here she comes. 

Tom {aside). No matter how hard I try, I never 
can get to talk to Rose for two minutes. I wish — 
Enter Mildred. 

Mildred {much excited). Mother, my ruby ring 
is gone! 

Aunt Caroline. Your ring gone! Impossible! 
You must have misplaced it. 

Mildred. No, I didn't. I remember distinctly plac- 
ing it in my jewel box just before leaving, because I 
was afraid I'd lose it at the picnic, and it's not there. 

Mrs. Burns. Perhaps Harriet or Violet wore it. 

Mildred. No, they didn't. We never wear one 
another's jewelry. Besides Violet went down stairs 
to the machine before I did and Harriet had already 
gone to the station. I was the last one in the room. 
I placed the ring carefully in my jewel box before I 
left and it's gone. Somebody took it. {Glances at 
Rose.) 

Rose {aside, distressed). They'll suspect me. What 
shall I do? 

Aunt Caroline {to Mildred). Be careful, Mil- 
dred. If you accuse her and then find the ring was 
only misplaced, what will he think? 

Mildred {to Aunt Caroline). I tell you it's not 
misplaced. I'll show her in her true colors, then 
he'll think she's a thief. {To Rose.) You were here 
all the time, weren't you, Rose? 

Rose. Yes, I've been here on the porch ever since 
you left. 

Mildred. The back doors and windows are all se- 



32 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

curely fastened. No one could possibly have entered 
that way. Rose, you — 

Rose. I was here on the porch all the time, but — 
but — I wasn't watching all the time. I — I — think some 
one could have entered without my seeing him. 

Mildred. Well, if that's not the thinnest! {Ve- 
hemently.) Rose, you took that ring and you've got 
to give it back or I'll have you arrested. I'll not sub- 
mit to losing a five hundred dollar ring. 

Rose. Oh, Mildred ! 

Mrs. Burns {aside). She didn't take it — that I 
know. This looks like a scheme of theirs. 

Tom {excited and indignant, moving toward Rose). 
You — ^you mustn't say anything like that. Miss Brant. 

Aunt Caroline. Be careful, Mildred. 

Mildred. Careful, nothing! You stay here and 
watch her. I'm going to search her room. I never 
did trust these sanctimonious little pieces that look like 
butter wouldn't melt in their mouths. 

Rose. Oh, Mildred ! 

Mildred. ''Oh, Mildred!" Yes, and **0h, Mil- 
dred" some more. That's all you can say. I'm going 
to have my ring back and prove you took it, if I have 
to put detectives on the case. 

Tom. Don't mind her, Rose. {To Mildred.) You 
mustn't talk like that, Miss Brant. 

Mildred. I mustn't! What right have you to in- 
terfere in this? 

Aunt Caroline {warningly), Mildred! 

Tom {turning to Mrs. Burns). Oh, if I did have 
the right! 

Mrs. Burns {to Tom). Well, ask her for it! 

Tom. But she doesn't care for me. 

Mrs. Burns {turning to audience, sighing and shak- 
ing her head). He's blind as a bat. But then I sup- 
pose he's so used to being chased that he doesn't un- 
derstand when a girl is a little reserved. 

Mildred. I'm going upstairs to her room to look 
for that ring. (Rose begins to cry.) 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 33 

Tom. Oh, Rose, don't cry. No one thinks you 
took it. No one will believe it no matter where the 
ring is found. 

Mildred. Just what do you mean by that, Tom 
Welland? Are you insinuating that the ring is not 
really missing? That I am only trying to make it 
appear she took it? 

Mrs. Burns {aside). That's what I think, my 
lady. 

Tom. Not at all. I simply mean that nothing, noth- 
ing will ever make me believe that Rose is a — a — I 
can't say it. The connection of her name with such 
a word is a deadly insult. You ought to apologize to 
her immediately. 

Mildred {sarcastically). Indeed! 

Aunt Caroline. Now, Mildred, don't get so ex- 
cited. She doesn't realize how she is speaking to you, 
Tom, but the ring is a very valuable one and' — 

Enter Harriet. 

Harriet. What's all this about a ring? Is Mil- 
dred having a fit because I wore her old ruby into the 
city? 

Aunt Caroline. You wore it I 

Tom. I knew Rose didn't take it. 

Mrs. Burns (aside). That settles Mildred. Just 
notice how she looks. 

Mildred. But you left before I did and I remem- 
ber placing the ring in my jewel box the last thing 
I did. 

Harriet. I could come back again, couldn't I, 
goose ? 

Mildred. Then why did Rose say she didn't see 
you? 

Harriet. Because she didn't, I guess. She had 
her head down crying about something, the little baby. 
I had forgotten my hand bag and I ran upstairs to 
get it. I didn't take time to inquire about the tears. 

Rose. I'm not going to stay here another minute. 
If the ring had really been lost, I always would have 



34 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

been suspected — perhaps arrested. Oh, it's too dread- 
ful! I can't stand it here any longer. 

Aunt Caroline. The very idea ! After all I have 
done for that girl ! I took her in when she was left 
penniless — why, she would have starved but for me. 

Mrs. Burns {aside). She earned all she ever got 
from you. 

Aunt Caroline {to Rose). And may I ask what 
you propose doing? 

Mildred. She'll go into the movies, I suppose, with 
that wonderful face of hers. 

Harriet. Or adopt a business career, perhaps. 
We'll soon hear of her being private secretary to some 
railroad magnate, or — 

Rose. I'm going to Mrs. Lawton's. She wants 
some one to help clean house, and I know how to 
work. I have you to thank for that much, anyhow, 
Aunt Caroline. 

Tom {to Mrs. Burns). But she mustn't be al- 
lowed to do that — oh, I had planned for — for every- 
thing to be so different. 

Mrs. Burns {to Tom). Mrs. Lawton is awful hard 
on her help. That's why she hasn't got her house 
cleaned yet. She'll work her to death. 

Aunt Caroline. It's strange, Mrs. Burns, that 
you have remarks to make to Tom that we are all not 
privileged to hear. But you always did interfere be- 
tween Rose and me. I attribute most of her bad dis- 
position to you. 

Mrs. Burns. Is that so? Well, let me tell you, 
Caroline Brant, that if there is a bad disposition around 
this house, it doesn't belong to Rose. If I were in her 
place I wouldn't stay here either. 

Mildred. We're not begging her to stay, did you 
happen to notice? 

Harriet {to Rose). Go on down to Lizzie Law- 
ton's. You'll be crying to come back before the end 
of the week. 

Tom {to Mrs. Burns). Isn't there some way out 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 35 

of the difficulty? She can't stay here and be treated 
like this, and it's dreadful to think of her having to 
engage in such sordid work. Oh, if there were some- 
thing I could do! 

Mrs. Burns {aside). Something he could do! And 
yet they say he manages a factory ! Well, I'll lend him 
a helping hand, anyhow. {To Rose.) There's no use 
being in such a rush going to Lawton's, Rose. Come 
home with me for a few days. Maybe something will 
turn up that you'll like better. 

Rose. Oh, thank you, Mrs. Burns, but you know 
that seems the only prospect in sight. 

Mrs. Burns. No, no, it isn't. I know of some- 
thing much better. 

Aunt Caroline. How interesting! I didn't know 
you were running an employment agency, Mrs. Burns. 

Mrs. Burns. There's lots of things you don't know, 
Caroline. You are going to hear a piece of news in a 
day or two that will take the curl out of your hair. 

Harriet. Such an expression! 

Mrs. Burns. But say, Tom, don't you think Bob 
and Clara are wondering what's happened to you? 

Tom {starting). I forgot all about them. 

Mrs. Burns. Well, never mind. I guess they 
haven't worried much about you. But it's time you 
were all back at the grounds if you want to get any 
pictures. Rose, as you're staying with me now, I'm 
going to give you permission to go to the picnic. You 
and Tom run along. 

Harriet. The idea! 

Aunt Caroline. You seem to have overlooked the 
fact that Mr. Welland has promised to spend the rest 
of the afternoon and the evening here with us, Mrs. 
Burns. 

Tom. But — ^but — that was before — I mean — 

Harriet. Why, that's quite delightful. I'll call up 
some of the girls and boys and we'll have a little 
dance. It's your last evening here, Tom, and we must 
try to make it pleasant. {Exit.) 



36 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Mildred. If you have anything to do at home, 
Mrs. Burns, don't let us keep you. You and your 
friend (glancing coldly at Rose) may leave whenever 
you're ready. 

Aunt Caroline. Yes, we'll have some preparations 
to make for this evening. We'll expect you back, then, 
Tom, as soon as you've taken Bob and Clara over to 
the grounds. 

Rose. Come, Mrs. Burns, let's not stay here any 
longer. 

Tom. You must please excuse me. Tell — tell Har- 
riet not to call up anyone. 

Aunt Caroline. Oh, don't think we'll go to too 
much trouble, Tom. We want you to take away a 
good impression of our little town. 

Mildred (aside). Mamma never does give up 
hope, but I'll help it along just to spite Rose — and 
Jen Burns. She's entirely too smart. (To Tom.) 
There, Harriet has gotten Bess and Lil on the phone. 
They are so jolly, don't you think so? 

Tom. Yes, but— but— 

Mrs. Burns (taking Tom by arm and leading him 
to left of stage). See here, young man, do you care 
anything for Rose? 

Tom. Do I ? Why, you know I do. She's the only 
girl in the world. She's — 

Mrs. Burns. Well, ask her to ride over with you 
and tell her all that. 

Tom. But I am afraid she will return an unfavor- 
able answer. I don't want to risk everything so soon 
— if I could only have a little more time to try to 
gain her regard — 

Mrs. Burns (turning to audience). Here's the 
eighth wonder of the world — a young man who is re- 
ally and truly not conceited. (To Tom.) Well, of 
course Rose has never said a single word to me, but 
still I believe maybe there is a little hope for you. I'd 
risk it if I were in your place. 

Tom (doubtfully). Well — perhaps. (With deci- 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS ^7 

sion.) Yes, I'll do it. (Crosses to Rose.) Rose, won't 
you come with me? 

Mrs. Burns. Go on. Rose. (Rose and Tom cross 
stage. They pause at edge.) 

Tom. We'll take you home first, Mrs. Burns. 
(Exeunt Tom and Rose.) 

Mrs. Burns. Well, I don't hear anyone entreatin' 
me to prolong my visit, so I may as well be movin' 

^* Harriet re-enters. 

Harriet. Lil and Bess are just delighted at having 
a little dance. They said they would notify the others 
— why, where is Tom ? And Rose ? Did she really go ? 
I thought she was bluffing. 

Aunt Caroline. Mrs. Burns took it upon herself 
to force Tom to ask Rose to go for a ride. 

Mrs. Burns. He didn't need any forcin', just a 
little encouragin', and I'm willin' to bet just anything 
that on the way back he'll ask her a very important 
question, and I'm kind of sure of her answer. 

Aunt Caroline (disdainfully). I never heard 
anything so absurd. 

Mildred. It's what I've been telling you all along, 
mother. You've been blind. 

Harriet (slowly). It really looks that way — and I 
can half way forgive Rose. She's kept some others 
that I could name from getting him. 

Mildred. It's just as well to be on good terms with 
— millions, when you can. 

Aunt Caroline. Of course — that is I mean to say 
it would grieve me greatly to have Rose entertain any 
hard feelings, and she mustn't think of leaving. 
(Turning to Mrs. Burns.) I don't thank anyone for 
trying to take her away. (Glances out window.) They 
haven't started yet. Come, girls, we'll tell Tom to 
keep Rose at the picnic for a little enjoyment and then 
to bring her back here to her own home — the dear 
child. (Exeunt Aunt Caroline, Mildred and Har- 
riet.) 



38 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Mrs. Burns. Well, how's that for a quick turn? 
She'll soon have herself thinking she's always been 
Rose's fairy god-mother, and Rose will be just easy 
enough to make up with her. {Pause.) I don't know, 
though. Bright days are dawning for the little girl 
and perhaps it's just as sensible for her to think that 
"All's well that ends well." 

Curtain. 



AWKWARD EMMA. 

characters. 

Mrs. Lewis. Irene. 

Aunt Mary. Emma. 

Uncle John. Lester. 

Scene: Living room. 
Discovered, Mrs. Lewis^ Irene, Emma, Lester. 

Mrs. Lewis. They'll be here any minute now. 
And Emma, one last word — try to be careful. Don't 
do anything to spoil Irene's chance. 

Emma. Oh, mother, you know — 

Mrs. Lewis. Of course, of course, dear child, I 
know you wouldn't do anything intentionally. But 
you are so awkward — you say so many things — 

Irene. Every time she opens her mouth she puts 
her foot in it. 

Mrs. Lewis. Why, Irene, if Aunt Mary — 

Irene. Oh, don't be afraid I'll say anything like 
that when Aunt Mary and Uncle John get here. 

Lester. No, you little hypocrite, you'll be as sweet 
as pie then. But say, mother. Aunt Mary never said 
which of the girls she wanted. 

Mrs. Lewis. No, but I am sure she will select 
Irene. They are going to Rye Beach. It is a very 
stylish summer resort. Your two cousins, Anabelle 
and Marguerite, are already there. You know Irene 
always seemed to harmonize better with the girls than 
Emma did. It is a great opportunity for Irene. She 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 39 

will meet so many nice young people, and Aunt Mary 
has almost promised to send her on East with her girls 
to Miss Blanke's school. It would be grand if she did. 
Irene, I know you'll do your best to make a good 
impression on your aunt. 

Lester. Trust her for that. 

Mrs. Lewis. Here they are. {Goes to door.) 
Enter Aunt Mary and Uncle John. 

Mrs. Lewis {kissing Aunt Mary and shaking 
hands with Uncle John.) I'm so delighted to see 
you. These are my little ones, Irene, Emma and Les- 
ter. You remember the girls, but Lester was away 
from home when you were here before. 

Aunt Mary. I remember Irene perfectly. You 
have gone on getting prettier and prettier, my dear. 
You will be a regular beauty before long. (Kisses 
her.) And this is Emma. {Shakes hands with her.) 
You ought to use something for your complexion and 
your hair seems to be neglected. 

Lester. She's got most of the work to do. She 
can't spend hours fooling with her wig, petting and 
coaxing each separate hair, as Irene does. 

^ Mrs. Lewis. Why, Lester ! You must not mind 
him, Mary. You know all boys are so — so peculiar. 

Aunt Mary, {coldly). I don't mind him. 

Uncle John. He seems to be a fine lad and very 
observant for his age. Shake hands with your uncle, 
my boy. {He shakes hands with Lester and the 
girls.) 

Aunt Mary. It is so warm today. 

Mrs. Lewis. Yes, isn't it? Sit down and take off 
your hat and Emma will bring in some lemonade. She 
made some thinking it would be agreeable to you on 
your arrival. (Aunt Mary moves toward chair, stum- 
bles and falls heavily into another chair.) 

Mrs. Lewis. Why, my dear Mary, are you faint? 

Aunt Mary. Faint, nothing! There's a string 
stretched across here. {Points.) It's a mercy this 
chair happened in the way or I would have fallen to 



40 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

the floor, and perhaps been a cripple for life. I sup- 
pose Emma or that boy thought to play a trick. 

Emma. Oh, Aunt Mary, I didn't mean it to trip 
anyone. (Turns to Mrs. Lewis.) When I kept Mrs. 
Brown's children this morning while she went shop- 
ping, nothing would do but I must play circus. That 
string was to mark off the animals' cages and I forgot 
to remove it. I'm so sorry. 

Aunt Mary. I'll be nervous for a week. 

Irene (aside). Emma has made a good beginning. 
She ought to have gone over to Clara's or some place 
for the day. (To Aunt Mary.) Take off your hat, 
dear Aunt Mary. You will find it so much cooler. 

Aunt Mary. No, dear, we are going to stay but 
a few minutes. We drove over to make arrangements 
about taking you to Rye Beach with us, but we are 
not going till next week. We wanted to give you time 
for your preparations. 

Irene (aside). I knew it would be I. 

Lester (aside). *'Would be I." Listen to her try 
to show how much she knows. 

Mrs. Lewis. It is so kind of you, Mary, to take 
this interest in Irene. Emma, get the lemonade. (Ex- 
eunt Emma and Lester.) 

Aunt Mary. Oh, I'm so delighted to do it. I like 
my house filled with pretty girls. Of course her 
cousins can stand the comparison. They are just as 
attractive in their own style. 

Uncle John. I thought it wasn't decided which 
girl we were to ask. 

Aunt Mary. Oh, yes. I had fully made up my 
mind from the start. 

Enter Emma with lemonade and Lester with cake. 
Lester passes cake to Uncle John. 

Uncle John. This is mighty nice-looking cake. 

Lester. Emma made it. She's a dandy cook. 
(Emma reaches glass of lemonade containing small 
quantity to Aunt Mary, lets it fall into her lap.) 

Mrs. Lewis. Oh, Emma, Emma, what will you do 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 41 

next? (She and Irene give their handkerchiefs to 
Aunt Mary to wipe dress.) 

Aunt Mary. Whatever can be the matter with 
that child ? 

Irene. It looks like you could be a little careful, 
Emma. 

Emma. I — I was so afraid I would spill it that I 
— I just went and did it. 

Mrs. Lewis (sighing). You always are so awk- 
ward. (Emma offers another glass to Aunt Mary.) 

Aunt Mary. No, no. I can't drink any now. I'm 
too nervous. 

Mrs. Lewis. Take it away, Emma. You have 
destroyed all our relish for it. 

Uncle John. Here, hold on! You haven't destroyed 
my relish for it, by jing. Just put the pitcher down 
here. (He and Lester indulge in cake and lemonade. 
Emma takes seat by Irene.) 

Aunt Mary. Some girls seem to lack poise — 
they are naturally given to involving themselves in em- 
barrassing predicaments. I hope it is not a family 
trait. I wouldn't for the world have Irene subject me 
to mortification among my friends at Rye Beach. 

Irene (to Emma). I knew you would get her un- 
decided about taking me. 

Mrs. Lewis. Oh, never fear about Irene. She is 
a model of self-possession. 

Emma (to Irene). There is a long hair on Aunt 
Mary's collar. Pick it off. (Irene shakes her head.) 

Aunt Mary. Truly she appears that way. Can 
you have her ready by the middle of next week? I 
have a list of what it will be necessary for^her to have. 
(Hands paper to Mrs. Lewis, who starts to read.) 

Emma (to Irene). You ought to pick that hair off. 
It will make her feel bad if she notices it. She is so 
correctly dressed and so neat otherwise. (Irene again 
shakes head. Emma rises.) I wonder who that is 
passing. (She takes hold of hair. Aunt Mary jumps 
and screams.) 



42 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Aunt Mary. Mercy me ! Well, what in the world I 
What do you mean, anyhow? 

Emma. Oh, I'm so sorry, Aunt Mary. There was 
a hair on your collar and I thought I'd pick it off, but 
it must — it must — 

Uncle John {laughing). It must have been hitched 
on to her head. I guess it was. Mary, I didn't know 
you were so active. You certainly did jump some. 

Aunt Mary {rising). Really, I must be going. I 
am under the care of a specialist for my nerves, and 
he said I must under no circumstances be excited, but 
it seems I am not to be allowed a quiet moment here. 

Emma {distressed) . Oh, please, Aunt Mary, don't 
go on my account. I can go over to Clara's or up- 
stairs or somewhere. Do sit down. I'm so sorry. 

Uncle John. Oh, don't bother, little girl. You 
didn't do anything. Say, have you any more cake? 

Emma. Oh, yes, Uncle John, there's plenty more. 

Uncle John. You might fill up the pitcher again, 
if you don't mind. (Lester and Emma leave.) Say, 
you know what — I'm going to take Emma to Rye 
Beach with me. 

Aunt Mary. Indeed not. 

Mrs. Lewis. But Irene has been counting so much 
on it. 

Uncle John. I mean both of them. 

Aunt Mary. My nerves would never stand it. 

Uncle John. Say, before they found oil on our 
place you wouldn't have known a nerve if you met 
one on the street. Emma is one nice little girl and I'm 
going to give her a trip. 

Aunt Mary. I haven't yet recovered my poise 
from being precipitated over that string — so careless 
of her. 

Uncle John. You don't consider that she did a 
mighty kind thing — keeping a lot of troublesome chil- 
dren while their mother had to be away. 

Aunt Mary. What if she should drop lemonade or 
some beverage on a guest, as she did on me? 



I 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 43 

Uncle John. Well, if the guest couldn't get over 
it, she could beat it for home. No one seemed to no- 
tice that she brought in some extra good cake with 
that lemonade, some she made herself. I like a girl 
that knows how to cook — 

Aunt Mary. And — 

Uncle John. And if you're going to say she pulled 
your hair, why she just meant to act kindly by you. 
She wanted to see you in perfect trim for your return 
trip. She's got a good heart. 

Mrs. Lewis. Oh, yes, but she's so awkward. 

Uncle John. And whose fault is that? I bet it's 
mostly yours. You've been telling her that all her 
life. Don't you know children are just what you 
make them believe they are? When I was a kid, I 
couldn't learn as fast as my brother Frank, and all I 
heard was, "Oh, John doesn't do any good at school," 
"No, John can't learn," "Frank is doing fine, but John 
can't seem to get a start," and the result was I didn't 
learn anything. I know now that I could have done 
fairly well if I had received the proper encouragement, 
and Emma wouldn't be awkward if you hadn't always 
been telling her she was. There ought to be a law 
passed to prevent parents everlastingly criticising their 
children, and I've got a blame good notion to introduce 
a bill to that effect in the legislature. 

Aunt Mary. John, don't get so excited. I'm sure 
I'll be glad to take Emma along if you're so deter- 
mined. 

Mrs. Lewis. But I can hardly spare her. There 
is so much work — 

Uncle John. That's just another point in her fa- 
vor. The modern girl is generally more of a bother 
than a help at home. I'll see that you have some one 
to assist you with the work. Here they come now. 
I hope Emma will be glad to hear she is going to have 
a vacation, and one thing I can promise her while she's 
with me is, that she won't hear the word "awkward." 

Curtain. 



44 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



COLUMBUS AND THE EGG. 

characters. 

James. Herman. 

Ed. Inez. 

Leo. Clara. 

Scene: A school room. 

Discovered, Inez, Clara, Herman, Leo. They are 
eating their lunch. Leo must have a hard-boiled egg. 

Enter James and Ed. 

James. Well, I declare; they are not through eat- 
ing their lunch yet. 

Ed. They wasted too much time, I guess. The 
boys said Leo and Herman would be in here talking 
to Inez and Clara. 

Inez. Yes, they were talking to us, but we were 
discussing a very sensible subject till you came in and 
interrupted us. 

Clara. We were speaking of the history lesson we 
had this morning. 

James. I bet you were. 

Herman. We were, too. 

Leo. Sure we were. I like baseball, Jim, very 
much, as you know, but occasionally I can manage to 
say a few words on something besides inshoots, curves, 
slides, Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, etc. 

Herman. And we're not like you, Ed. When 
you're with a girl, all you think about is the hit you 
imagine you're making with her. 

Ed. That's not so. 

Clara. It's partly so, anyhow. While if he only 
knew it, the girl is not much interested in hearing that 
he considers her a peach, and such like foolishness. 

Inez. A girl likes to talk about sensible subjects 
once in a while. 

James. How very sensible we're getting! That's 
the second time the word has been used. Just repeat 



J 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 45 

some of that sensible conversation. It may help Ed 
and me. 

Herman. We were talking about Columbus. 

Ed. Then excuse me! Columbus I We've been 
hearing about him ever since school started in Sep- 
tember. The way Miss Harris goes on about him, 
you'd think he was a wonder. 

Inez (indignantly). The idea, Ed Marks! Talking 
about Columbus that way! He was a wonder! 

Ed. What did he do so great? Got the king of 
France to give him a lot of ships and — 

Clara. That shows how much attention you pay 
in history class. It wasn't the king of France ; it was 
the queen of Spain. 

James. Oh, well, it was some of those great Mo- 
guls over there. He got the ships, anyhow, and then 
he came over here with them — wonderful man, wasn't 
he? 

Inez. You ought to be ashamed to talk like that. 
I'd just as soon make fun of my own grandfather. 

Leo. You don't stop to consider how different con- 
ditions were then. It seems a very simple matter 
now, but in those days, when the sailors believed the 
earth to be flat, and were afraid to go very far from 
home for fear of falling off, it was a more serious 
matter. 

Clara. Yes, and they thought there were awful 
monsters who would devour them when they got a 
few miles from land. 

Inez. And in spite of all this Columbus set sail 
and kept on ever westward till he reached America, 
only he thought he had gotten to India. 

Ed. Oh, they all had the traveling bug in those days. 
He wasn't the only one who set sail and kept on ever 
westward till he reached America. Doesn't Miss Har- 
ris make us go to the board and write a whole list of 
them every day? And I wish there were more Smiths 
and Joneses in those times, so their names wouldn't 
be so hard to spell. 



46 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

James. Sure. Columbus just happened to be the 
first, that's all, and then it got to be a regular fad. 
Any morning after breakfast one of those old hi- 
dalgos, as he got up from the table and wiped his mus- 
tache on his velvet sleeve — 

Clara {interrupts with). How vulgar! 

James. Would be liable to say : "I'm going to sail 
and keep on ever westward till I reach America." 

Inez. You needn't be so smart, Jim Johnson. I 
guess that's what it says in the history. If I didn't 
know any more than you and Ed, I'd — I'd — 

Ed {laughing). What? Go off and die? Don't be 
too ladylike to say it. (Leo takes egg and tries to make 
it stand on end. Others watch him.) 

Herman. Oh, don't let's quarrel. Of course I 
think Columbus was a great man, but — 

Ed. He just happened to be the first — ^that's all. 
What are you trying to do with that tgg, Leo? 

Leo. I read once about a man who could make an 
Qgg stand on end. I was wondering if it could be 
done. 

Ed. It doesn't look like you're going to succeed. 
Let me try. {He tries — fails.) Anybody who can 
make an tgg stand on end must be a wiz. It can't be 
done. 

Herman. Let me try. Maybe there is some way 
of balancing it. {He tries — fails.) Some eggs may 
stand on end, but not this one. It's drunk. 

Leo. Do you girls want to try? Or you, Jim? 

Clara. Inez and I don't, I'm sure. 

James. You can't do it, Leo. You must be think- 
ing of some other trick. 

Leo {holding egg in hand). I can make this e^gg 
stand on end. Now watch me. {He strikes egg with 
some force on desk. The lower end is crushed and 
egg remains stcmding.) 

Clara. Well, that is a. trick. 

Inez. Just wait till I catch the folks at home on 
that. 



i 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 47 

James. Oh, anybody could do that. 

Leo. I was just hoping you would say that. Yes, 
anybody can do it after they're shown how. And it 
was the same way with Columbus — the other naviga- 
tors were ready enough to sail far out on the ocean 
when Columbus had proved there were no mysterious 
dangers to be feared. 

Herman. Good for you, Leo! Ed and Jim can't 
say a word now. 

Clara. You're awfully bright, Leo, to think of 
that way of making them stop ridiculing Columbus. 
I might have known of that Qgg trick but I never would 
have thought of bringing it in now. 

Leo. Oh, I'm sorry you paid me that compliment, 
Clara, because now I've got to own up. I read all 
about it last night in an old history, and who do you 
think was the first to use the trick? Why, Columbus, 
himself. They had a big banquet in his honor when 
he returned from his first voyage and some of the 
courtiers — I guess they were jealous — were talking 
just like Jim and Ed. They couldn't see anything 
wonderful in what he had done, saying anyone could 
do it, so Columbus asked them if they could make an 
egg stand on end, and when they tried and failed he 
showed them. Then of course one remarked, "Oh, 
that's easy," and Columbus said, "Yes, when the way 
is pointed out." 

James. Well, I'll admit he was pretty slick there. 

Ed. So will I. I will admit anything if you boys 
will only «ome and play ball. It will be time for books 
pretty soon. 

Leo. All right, I feel like a game, too. But don't 
you boys make fun of Columbus any more. (Exeunt 
Leo, Herman and Ed.) 

James. Come on, girls, you can sit in the grand 
stand and root for Ed's and my side and we'll never 
say another word about your pet, Mr. Columbus. 
(Exit.) 

Inez. Isn't he horrid ? 



48 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Clara. I believe he's only trying to tease us. Let's 
go watch them play ball. 

Curtain. 



EACH TO HIS TRADE. 

characters. 

Mr. Hopkins. Charlie Dalton. 

Uncle Charlie. Mrs. Harris. 

Rube Rankins. Miss Lizzie. 

Scene: Country store. 
Discovered, Mr. Hopkins and Uncle Charlie. 

Uncle Charlie {helping himself to cracker from 
box). Well, Henry, business doesn't seem to be very 
brisk today. 

Mr. Hopkins. No, but it is early, hardly half-past 
twelve. Folks haven't gotten into town yet. 

Uncle. Oh, I stopped in at Blank's just before 
I came up here and they were crowded — all the clerks 
just rushed to death. 

Mr. Hopkins. Is that so? 

Uncle. Yes, but then you know Blank under- 
stands how to run a store, grew up with the business, 
he did — not like you, starting in after spending the 
best part of your life at farming. Well, here comes 
one customer for you. 

Enter Rube Rankins. 

Rube Rankins. Hello, Uncle Charlie. Howdy, 
Henry. 

Mr. Hopkins. Good afternoon. Rube. Something 
for you? 

Rube. Oh, no. I brought the women folks in to 
get their spring finery. They are down at Blank's. 
But it's too crowded to wait around there for them. 
Thought I'd come up here where I wouldn't get my 
corns stepped on. {Seats himself and takes cracker 
from box.) 



i 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 49" 

Mr. Hopkins {aside). Who told them those crack- 
ers were free? I'm going to put them out of their 
reach. (Steps nearer door.) Wonder what the pros- 
pects are for a good rain? {Others step to door. Mr. 
Hopkins pushes cracker box further up on counter.) 

Uncle {resuming seat). Not a cloud in the sky. 

Rube. No, and we're needing a good shower. 

Uncle. Say, Rube, push that cracker box down 
this way before you sit down. Seems like it moved. 
(Rube complies and takes seat. Mr. Hopkins is in- 
dignant.) Well, here comes the Widow Harris. She's 
bringing you some produce, Henry. 

Enter Mrs. Harris. 

Mrs. Harris {placing basket on counter). Well, 
Henry, I've eight pounds of the nicest fresh butter 
you ever saw. What are you paying? 

Mr. Hopkins. Butter is twenty-five cents today, 
Mrs. Harris. 

Mrs. Harris. Lawsy me ! That's awful low ! And 
me a poor widow woman having to make my own liv- 
ing since Jim has — has gone to a better world. 

Uncle {aside). I don't doubt it's a better world 
for him, poor fellow. He's having a little rest now. 
{To Mr. Hopkins.) Say, Henry, if you buy that but- 
ter, put it out in the shed, will you? 

Mrs. Harris {very indignantly). What do you 
mean ? This butter is fresh, perfectly fresh. I churned 
it this morning. 

Uncle. Oh, nothing, nothing at all. Don't get ex- 
cited, Mrs. Harris. I was just advisin' Henry. In 
fact, if I was him, I'd put it out in the yard under a 
tree and, mebbe he'd better tie it with a good stout 
rope. {Laughs.) 

Mrs. Harris {indignantly). If that's the way you 
let your customers be talked to, Henry Hopkins, I'll 
certainly not patronize you. I'll go down to Blank's 
where they know how to treat a person. {Seizes bas- 
ket and marches from store.) 

Uncle. Well, lawsy me! She certainly did get 



50 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

riled. Why, everyone knows she doesn't make good 
butter. She knows it herself. 

Mr. Hopkins. I wish you hadn't said that, Uncle 
Charlie. Now she will never trade with me. 

Uncle. Why, I did him a favor, didn't I, Rube? 
He'd have got stuck with those eight pounds of butter 
and never would have got rid of them, or at least not 
for twenty-five cents. You'd have lost money, Henry. 
Why, here comes Miss Lizzie. Wonder what she 
wants. (Uncle and Rube glance toward door.) 

Mr. Hopkins (shoving cracker box beyond their 
reach). I wish he'd let me 'tend to my own business. 
Enter Miss Lizzie. 

Miss Lizzie. Good afternoon, gentlemen. {They 
respond.) Mr. Hopkins, I came to see what you could 
do for me in the line of candy. I've promised the 
children a treat — my Sunday School class, you know 
— and down at Blank's they want thirty cents a pound. 
Just imagine, thirty cents. 

Mr. Hopkins. I'm afraid I can't do any better 
than that, Miss Lizzie. You know everything has 
gone up. 

Miss Lizzie. But thirty cents for the ordinary 
mixed candy? The kind with gum drops in it? 

Mr. Hopkins. Yes, Miss Lizzie, it's thirty cents — 
that's the cheapest I have. 

Miss Lizzie. Well, I suppose I'll have to take it. 
Let's see. I have twenty-five in my class and I want 
about a fourth of a pound for each — that will make 
about six pounds, and six times thirty — oh, dear, it 
will come to almost two dollars. 

Uncle. Why, Miss Lizzie, you're a rich old m — 
{she glances at him sternly) I mean — I mean — 

Mr. Hopkins {aside). I wish he'd go down to 
Blank's. He'll drive away all my trade. {To Miss 
Lizzie.) Do you want to take the candy with you. 
Miss Lizzie? 

Miss Lizzie. No, I'll send some of the children 
after it. I Want you to put each child's portion in a 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 51 

little paper poke, and each one must contain the same 
number of pieces. You'll take care, won't you, Mr. 
Hopkins ? 

Mr. Hopkins. Yes, Miss Lizzie. They'll all be the 
same. 

Miss Lizzie. Then good afternoon, Mr. Hopkins. 
Good afternoon, gentlemen. {They reply. Exit Miss 
Lizzie.) 

Uncle. Well, you'll have something to do now, 
Henry. Get to work at filling your little paper pokes, 
and whatever you do, don't put four pieces in one and 
five in another- 

Mr. Hopkins. I wish you'd be a little careful how 
you talk to my customers, Uncle Charlie. 

Uncle. Oh, she didn't hear me start to call her an 
old maid. {Reaches backward for a cracker.) Seems 
like that cracker box must have legs. {Goes to box,) 
Enter Miss Lizzie unseen by Uncle. 

Uncle {continuing). What's she so particular for, 
any way? She is an old maid. Why, she and I went 
to school together. She's fifty or sixty anyhow. 
{Turns and sees Miss Lizzie, who glares at him. 
Uncle is much confused.) Oh, er — er — you're back 
again. Miss Lizzie. Er — er — nice day, isn't it? 

Mr. Hopkins. Something else today. Miss Lizzie? 

Miss Lizzie, I must protest at the way you allow 
your customers to be spoken of, Mr. Hopkins. 

Uncle. Why, I wasn't talking about you. Miss 
Lizzie. I was remarking that the Widow Harris and 
I went to school together. Why, you're not fifty or 
sixty. Why, you can't be more than forty-five at the 
most. 

Miss Lizzie {with dignity). I'll be thirty my next 
birthday. (Uncle and Rube laugh aloud, then try 
to look serious.) 

Mr. Hopkins {in low voice to Miss Lizzie). 
Don't mind them, Miss Lizzie. They have been act- 
ing queer ever since they came in this afternoon. I 
think they — they've had a touch of the sun. 



^ DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Miss Lizzie. Well, that's the most charitable con- 
struction to put on their conduct. What I wanted 
to see you about this time — it occurred to me that per- 
haps some of the pieces might be larger than others. 
Now, when you're filling the little paper pokes, you 
will try to have the candy all the same size, won't 
you, Mr. Hopkins? 

Mr. Hopkins. Yes, Miss Lizzie, I'll see to it. 

Miss Lizzie- That will be all. Good afternoon, 
Mr. Hopkins. {Ignores the others. Exit.) 

Uncle. Say, she's not a bit particular about that 
candy, is she? You'd better get you a tape line, 
Henry, and measure each piece. 

Mr. Hopkins {aside). I wish he'd go home. (To 
Uncle.) It's a wonder she didn't countermand the 
order — the way she heard you talking about her. 

Rube. Good thing for you she didn't, Henry. It's 
all you've sold the whole afternoon. But, then, I 
guess at that you're as good a storekeeper as the 
fellow who rented your farm is a farmer. I was out 
there the first time he tried to hitch up his team, and 
he was bucklin' the collars of the horses under their 
necks. (Rube and Uncle laugh.) 

Uncle. Yes, sir. I heard about that. He's about 
sick of the country, Mr. Harold Simpson is. He said 
to me the other day, '*I thought anyone could farm — 
that it came natural like ; but I've found out." 

Rube. You bet he's found out. But I think he 
never would have risked giving up a fine job in the 
city and come down here if it hadn't been for his 
wife. She had visited quite a bit in the country, and 
she seemed to think it was nothing but fried chicken, 
strawberries and cream, and going to picnics and fish- 
ing parties. 

Uncle. She's learned something about chickens, 
though. My wife was out there last week, and Mrs. 
Simpson was takin' on because all her little chicks 
A^ere dying. Jennie asked her about the feed and 
drinking water and sleeping quarters, and all seemed 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 53 

satisfactory, and then she said, "Have you examined 
their heads?" Mrs. Simpson said, "No, not particu- 
larly. They seem all right. Why should I examine 
their heads?" Jennie kind of hated to tell such a fine 
lady what might be on their heads, but they went out 
to look at the chicks, and such was the case. My wife 
told her she'd have to do something right away or 
they'd all die, and Mrs. Simpson said, "But what can 
I do ? With so many things to do, how can I find time 
to comb all their heads?" (All laugh.) Yes, sir, she 
was sure going to use a fine comb on those chicks. 

Rube. So that's some consolation, Henry. You 
were a good farmer, and he was doing fine in the 
city, but when you tried your hands at something 
you didn't understand, you fell down. (Looks at 
watch.) I'd better be moving. 

Uncle. I'd better be getting along down to 
Blank's, too, and see if I can't hurry the folks up with 
their tradin'. Take some crackers, Rube. (He com- 
plies.) They are not very good, but a fellow likes to 
have something to pick at. 

Mr. Hopkins (aside). Wonder how many he'd 
eat if he liked 'em. 

Uncle. Well, so long, Henry. Guess I'll be in 
tomorrow. 

Rube. I'll drop in again, too, Henry. It must be 
lonesome in here all day by yourself with nothing to 
do. Goodbye. 

Mr. Hopkins. Goodbye. (Exeunt Rube and Un- 
cle.) It's lonesome enough, I'll admit that, but I 
wonder if they think they're cheerful company. Well, 
here comes Charlie Dalton. I'm glad to have some- 
body with a little sense. 

Enter Charlie Dalton. 

Charlie. Well, Henry. How's ever3rthing? 
Mr. Hopkins. Well, not very good. 
Charlie, What? Not tired of storekeeping al- 
ready ? 



54 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Mr. Hopkins. Say, I hate this — this blame old 
store so bad that some day — well, for two cents I'd 
burn it down. 

Charlie. Well, this makes it easy for me. You 
see I undertook a commission for Harold Simpson. 
He wants to know on what terms he can leave your 
farm. He's going back to the city. 

Mr. Hopkins. He is? 

Charlie. Yes, I was over there yesterday. He had 
just told his wife and she was crying fit to kill. Har- 
old hated it pretty bad, but he kept on saying that 
he couldn't help it, he was losing all his money, he 
didn't know how to farm, couldn't learn, and didn't 
want to learn; that he despised a horse and never 
wanted to see a cow again; that he must have been 
crazy when he left the city, and so forth. His wife came 
to enough to talk then, and it seems she was crying for 
joy. I often heard of that, but never saw it before. 
She's good and sick of the farm, too, but she pestered 
him so to move down here that she didn't want to be 
the one to give up first. She was keen to leave on last 
night's train, but Harold said he'd have to see you. 
He was afraid you wouldn't like his giving up the 
farm now, and finally asked me to talk to you. I 
told him it was my opinion you would not hold him 
to his bargain. 

Mr. Hopkins. I guess not. Why, I'd be willing 
to pay him good money to get my farm back. I'll 
move out there right away. But say, what about my 
wife — wonder what she'll think about it? 

Charlie. I'm pretty sure she'll be just as glad as 
Mrs. Simpson was, at least my wife said she would 
be, and she's most generally right. 

Mr. Hopkins. Say, that's great ! I'll go home and 
get them started to packing up right away, and then 
I'll run out to Fred Black's and look at the team he 
has to sell. I'll have to stir around some, as it's pretty 
late in the season, and Simpson hasn't put in enough 
to winter an old hen. But I feel ten years younger 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 55 

already, and I'll show you fellows out there some- 
thing about farming. Come on. Let's go. I want 
you to go out to Black's with me. 

Charlie. But look here! What about the store? 
You can't go off like this and leave it. 

Mr. Hopkins. That's just what I can do. Hurry 
up or I'll stick a match to it yet. I'll stop in at 
Blank's and tell him to take the stock. He's a good 
fellow and he'll pay me what's right — all except that 
box of crackers. I'll give what's left to Uncle Charlie. 

Charlie. Well, I guess you can do that. Yes, 
that will be the best, and say, Henry, I want to tell 
you how glad we'll all be to have you back with us. 
Nothing has seemed the same since you moved to 
town. 

Mr. Hopkins. Thanks, Charlie. But you can't be 
as glad as I am. Why, in here life has been nothing 
but just dragging along. I couldn't get up any en- 
thusiasm. No wonder folks didn't patronize me. 
Why, I wouldn't have bought a — a pair of shoe strings 
from myself. But back on the farm — back where 
I really belong — come on, Charlie, you just watch me. 
{Turns to audience.) I've learned this: A fish out 
of water has nothing on a farmer off of his farm. 

Curtain. 



56 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



ENTERTAINMENTS. 

characters. 

Levi Jones. Emma. 

Uriah Larkin. May. 

Samuel Meadows. Mrs. Caxton. 

Miss Mathews. Mrs. Barton. 

Laura. Mrs. Keller. 
Act L 

Scene: Living room. 

Discovered, Jones, Larkin and Meadows. 

Jones. There is one thing that we kinder over- 
looked, men, when we hired that there teacher. 

Meadows. What is that, Jones? 

Jones. Why, we should have shut down on enter- 
tainments and not have so much of the children's 
time taken up with them. 

Larkin. That's so. But there is no danger of an 
entertainment so early in the term of school. 

Jones. Yes, there is. Harry says Miss Mathews 
is getting up an entertainment for Columbus Day, the 
twelfth of this month. 

Meadows. Too bad! Too bad! Wasting the time 
of the children that should be given to readin', writin' 
and 'rithmetic. Who was Columbus, anyhow? 

Jones. Why — why, let me see. Oh, yes! He was 
a great sailor and he sailed around the world. 

Meadows. Well, what good did that do? Every- 
body knows the earth is round. 

Larkin. I learnt in my geography that part of 
the world is water and part is land. I don't see how 
he sailed on the land part. 

Jones. I don't, either ; so we won't waste any time 
about it. What are we goin' to do *bout that there 
entertainment? 

Meadows. Why, Jones, you go see Miss Mathews 
and tell her to call it off. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 57 

Jones. I won't go by myself. 

Larkin. I don't think you need me. Two mem- 
bers of the Board is plenty. 

Jones. It's your duty as member of the Board to 
help us look after the school. 

Larkin {reluctantly). Well, when are you goin'? 

Jones. That's the question. {Pause.) I have it. 
We'll go Friday afternoon, when visitors are expected. 

Meadows. All right, Jones. You'll have to do the 

**"''»S. Curtain. 

Act II. 
Scene: School room. 

Discovered, Miss Mathews, the teacher, seated at 
desk reading. 

Enter Laura, Emma and May. 

Laura. Oh, Miss Mathews, did you hear that we 
can't have the entertainment on Columbus Day? 

Miss Mathews. No, Laura, I did not hear of it. 
Why can't we have our little program as we had 
planned ? 

Laura. Why, the Board had a meeting and they 
said entertainments are a waste of time. 

Miss Mathews. I am sorry they take that view, 
but perhaps they will go no further than a mere ex- 
pression of opinion. 

May. Yes they will. And they're coming this 
afternoon. 

Miss Mathews How did you get your informa- 
tion? 

Laura. Harry Jones's father is one of the direc- 
tors and Harry heard him talking about it and brought 
the news to school. 

Miss Mathews. It is to be regretted that we did 
not know the feelings of the directors before. 

Emma. Yes, we nearly know our parts now. Di- 
rectors are a nuisance, aren't they. Miss Mathews? 



58 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Miss Mathews (hastily). The hour is nearly up, 
so perhaps you girls had better retire and be ready 
to form in line when the bell rings. (Exeunt girls.) 
Here are our visitors now. 

Enter Jones, Larkin and Meadows. 

Jones (after directors have spoken to teacher and 
have taken seats). We came a little early, Miss 
Mathews, because we wanted to have a talk with you 
before books. 

Miss Mathews. I acknowledge the honor, Mr. 
Jones. What have you to impart? 

Jones. We've heard that you intend to have an 
entertainment for Columbus Day. Is that so? 

Miss Mathews. Yes. I had intended to honor 
one of our greatest historical characters and at the 
same time to give the children an opportunity of train- 
ing in literary work by having a few exercises on 
the twelfth. 

Jones. Well Miss Mathews, the members of the 
Board think entertainments are a waste of time. 

Meadows. Yes, I agree with Brother Jones. What 
did Columbus do except sail around the world ? Every- 
body knows that the world is round. 

Larkin. And part of it is water and part is land. 
I don't see how he got around the land part of it. 

Miss Mathews. With due respect, I beg leave to 
say that there is no record of Columbus having sailed 
around the world. Magellan first and afterward Sir 
Francis Drake — 

Enter Mrs. Caxton, Mrs. Barton and Mrs. Kel- 
ler. 

Miss Mathews (after ladies have greeted her cor- 
dially and taken seats). I am very sorry, but as 
promptitude is one of the essentials of proper train- 
ing for children, and the hour of recreation is up, 
I must ring the bell. 

Jones. Wait a minute. The Board can allow you 
a little more free time. We would like to hear what 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 59 

the ladies have to say on the subject. I am sure 
they will be on our side. We were talking about the 
Columbus Day entertainment and we are agin it. 

Mrs. Caxton. Why don't you want an entertain- 
ment on Columbus Day, Levi Jones? 

Jones. These entertainments take up too much 
of the time of the children from their other studies, 
such as readin', writin' and 'rithmetic. 

Mrs. Caxton. And are readin', writin' and 'rith- 
metic the only studies? How about history? 

Larkin. I don't see much use in history. What 
good does it do us to know what people did a hundred 
or a thousand years ago? What good does it do us 
to know that Columbus sailed around the world? 

Mrs. Keller. Excuse me, but did you say that 
Columbus sailed around the world? 

Larkin. Brother Jones said he did. 

Jones. I must have got mixed on the names. It 
was Sir Francis Magellan I was thinking of. 

Mrs. Keller. I rather think you are mixed. Now, 
I want to say that I'm for this entertainment. 

Mrs. Barton. So am I. My girls have been talk- 
ing at home of Columbus ever since the entertain- 
ment was thought of, and I've learned a lot about him. 
He was a great man who has never received enough 
honor in the country he discovered. 

Mrs- Caxton. That's just what I say. And it's 
been because folks know so little about him. When 
we went to school we studied readin', writin' and 
'rithmetic {with a stern glance at members of the 
School Board) and not much of anything else. That's 
why we get mixed on other subjects. 

Jones. Miss Mathews, mebbe you'd better ring 
the bell and call the children in for books. 

Miss Mathews. Am I to conclude, then, that we 
must give up the Columbus Day entertainment? 

Mrs. Keller. Certainly not. Miss Mathews. You 
are to go right ahead. All the ladies of the district 
are in favor of it. We had a meeting of the sewing 



60 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

circle yesterday and I know. (The members of the 
School Board whisper together for a moment.) 

Jones. The Board is in favor of the entertainment, 
Miss Mathews. 

Larkin. Yes, we believe in being progressive. 

Meadows. We are not like some directors who 
think the children should give all their time to nothin' 
but readin', writin' and 'rithmetic. (The members of 
the School Board draw themselves up proudly.) 

Mrs. Barton (laughing). There's nothing like 
knowing when you're beat. (To Miss Mathews.) 
I'll tell you a secret. Miss Mathews. We are going to 
bring baskets and have a little spread after the exer- 
cises. 

Miss Mathews. Why, that will be delightful. 

Larkin. That seems to me a right sensible idea. 

Meadows. Will you need any help? The Board 
will come over and fix up the table. 

Jones. Yes, we'll be on hand any time you say. 
(Ladies smile.) 

Mrs. Caxton. Just see how interested they are 
as soon as they hear the word "baskets." Ring the 
bell, Miss Mathews, or the first thing you know they 
will be taking the credit for the idea of the whole 
entertainment. Curtain. 



IT'S EASY TO COOK. 

characters. 
Mrs. Perkins. Ed. 

Mr. Perkins. Bill. 

Scene: Farm kitchen. 

Enter Mr. Perkins. 

Mr. Perkins (hobbling across stage and dropping 
heavily into chair) . Well, today is going to be another 
scorcher. (Fans himself zvith hat.) Ed and Bill are 
doing fine work with the corn, though. They are 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 61 

good hands and I was certainly lucky to get them, 
with farm help so scarce and me laid up with this 

Enter Mrs. Perkins. 

Mrs. Perkins. Well, Elias! Pve been all over 
the farm. Where on earth were you? 

Mr. Perkins. Why, Elviry, I was just roamin' 
'round, admirin' the beauties of natcher, as Prof. 
Collins tells us to do. 

Mrs. Perkins. Well, after this admire what you 
can see from your chair on the porch. I was scared 
to death — thought mebbe you fell in a gully or some- 
thing. And me traipsin' all over the place with my 
Sunday dress on — it's most ruint, I guess. Next 
time you let me know when you take a notion to go 
out admirin'. 

Mr. Perkins. Yes, yes, Elviry. But what are you 
all spruced up for? 

Mrs. Perkins. I'm going to Elmville. I got a long 
distance message. Carrie is going to be married this 
evening. 

Mr. Perkins. I thought it was next week. 

Mrs. Perkins. Her man got word he has to go 
to Chicago to take that job right away, so they had 
to move the weddin' up — and PU be gone till late to- 
morrow evenin' an' you no place around so I could 
tell you about feedin' the chickens, and waterin' the 
flowers, and takin' care of the bird, and settin' out 
some cabbage and tomato plants, and gatherin' the 
strawberries and coopin' up the broody hens and — 

Mr. Perkins. Oh, help! Help! Say, there's an 
auto stopped at the gate. 

Mrs. Perkins. Oh, good gracious me! Are they 
here already? That's the Brown's, Pm going to the 
station with them, but I don't see what's their rush. 
The train doesn't leave for a good hour yet. I can't 
keep them waiting though. (Puts on bonnet, looks 
for gloves, hand hag, etc.) You'll have to call up 
Sairy Johnson and get her to come over to do the 



62 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

cookin' and the milkin'. She promised she would but 
of course she thinks the weddin' won't be till next 
week. You call her up the first thing you do so she 
will get here in plenty time to fix dinner. And tell 
her she'll have to make up the bread. There isn't a 
scrap in the house. (Oh, I wish they'd quit tootin' 
that horn. They know I'm comin'.) I could have 
made the bread and some pies, and have her called 
up 'neverything if I didn't have to go lookin' for you. 
(There's that horn again. I'm most crazy.) Now, 
call her up the first thing. You know she's slow and 
Ed and Bill are particular 'bout their eatin' and if 
they quit and go to the city like they're always threat- 
ening, where will you be with all your work and that 
foot of yours? {Turns to door.) Oh, I'm comin'. {To 
Mr. Perkins) Now, don't dilly-dally because there's 
a picnic out on the Saline and she might take a notion 
to go and you know there isn't another soul you 
could get for love or money to do the cookin'. 

Mr. Perkins. I could do it myself. It's easy to 
cook. 

Mrs. Perkins {stamping her foot). Elias Per- 
kins, don't you dare to start up that tune: "It's easy 
to cook." What do you know about it? You never 
as much as fried an tgg in your life. — Oh, just listen 
to them. Goodbye. {Hurried exit.) 

Mr. Perkins. Elviry ! Oh, Elviry ! 

Mrs. Perkins re-entering. 

Mrs. Perkins. Well, what? They'll go oflF and 
leave me in a minute. 

Mr. Perkins. Elviry, aren't you going to leave me 
a lock of your hair? 

(Mrs. Perkins leaves without replying. Mr. Per- 
kins laughs.) 

Mr. Perkins. I love to tease Elviry. {Picks up 
paper from table.) Well, let's see what the news is. 
I haven't read the county paper yet. {Reads — makes 
following comments.) Well, well, so Sim Leaders has 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS' 63 

sold his farm. Wonder what he'll do now. Practice 
law, mebbe. Ever since he got that copy of "Every 
Man His Own Lawyer" he hasn't been worth a cent. 
And Jim Graham has bought an automobile. I'll soon 
be the only one in this part of the county without 
one, but I always said I'd wait till there wasn't a cent 
of debt on my place and that I'll stick to. {Various 
local items may he introduced here.) Well, Well, 
I like this! (Reads.) Elias Perkins is on the crippled 
list as the result of trying to break a fractious colt 
without assistance. Better remember you're no longer 
a boy, Elias. (Throws paper aside.) I've a notion 
to call "The Clarion" up and tell them something 
about printing such stufif. Everybody knows it was 
the fault of those joy-riding boys — but I guess I'll 
get Sairy first and have her start dinner. ( Takes down 
receiver — if not convenient to have telephone box in- 
stalled, the audience will very likely he indulgent and 
he satisfied with the motions.) Oh, of course, the 
line is busy — and it's Sweetie talking to Freddie. I 
guess they're good for an hour. (Listens.) He wants 
to take her to the festival Sunday but nothin' doing. 
Mamma won't let her go with him. I wish mamma 
would come in and put her to work so's I could use 
the line. (Listens.) Oh, she says mamma has gone 
to town. That's why she's having such a nice long 
talk with Freddie. Young folks have it easy now. 
When I was sparkin' Elviry, I had to ride ten miles 
to have a little conversation with her. I remember 
one cold Sunday evenin'. My folks told me to stay 
at home, but of course you couldn't have tied me. I 
was set on goin' but when I got to Elviry's I was 
most froze. Yes, sir. I was stiff as a board. The 
old horse stopped accordin' to custom at the gate and 
Elviry's dad happened out on the porch to get a stick 
of stove wood and saw me. Well, he sure raved. He 
helped me in, though, and thawed me out, but just as 
I was beginnin' to feel all right again and expectin' 
Elviry in every minute to tell me what a hero I was to 



64 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

brave such weather for her sake, here comes the old 
man with a patent foot-warmer of his, his old sheep 
skin coat and a couple of comforts. He takes me out 
to my buggy, telling me all over again what he thinks 
of me, tucks me in, and heads me for home. His 
parting words were something about a "blame young 
fool" and I kind of think he was referrin' to me. 
Yes, sir, that was one occasion when I didn't cover 
myself with glory. {Listens.) Say, they're havin' a 
quarrel now. This is getting serious — they'll fuss a 
while and then make up again for half an hour or so, 
and in the meantime Sairy will go off to that picnic. 
I'll have to take measures. {Speaks into transmitter 
in high nasal tones.) Say, Sweetie, excuse me for 
interruptin' but your ma is right at the gate. {Laughs.) 
It worked! It worked like a charm. You ought to 
have heard her squeal and bang up that receiver. Her 
ma sure doesn't like Freddie. {Rings — no answer — 
rings again and again.) Hello! Oh, for the land's 
sakes! I drew Uncle Billy. Hello, Uncle Billy! I 
want to talk to Sairy. {Pause.) To Sairy — to your 
sister-in-law — to the Widow Johnson. {Pause.) Do 
I want to borrow some molasses? Now, who the 
mischief said anything about molasses? {Loudly.) 
Uncle Billy, tell Sairy to come to the phone, or — or 
somebody {in lower tone) who's not as deaf as a 
concrete fence-post. {Pause.) He's talking about the 
weather now. Wonder if he thinks I called him up 
for a little chat. Now he's switched off to the picnic. 
What! What's that! Well, say, I'm up against it 
now. He says the whole family, Sairy included, have 
gone off to that bloomin' picnic. {Hangs up receiver.) 
Now, who's going to get dinner? I don't know 
of anyone else I could call on and it's later than I 
thought, and Ed and Bill will be in for dinner before 
I know it. What'U I do? {Pause.) What business 
did Sairy Johnson have goin' on a picnic? Why 
couldn't she stay where she would be of some use? 
{Pause.) Wonder if I couldn't fix up a little some- 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 65 

thing for the boys and then this afternoon I can 
make arrangements to go after Sairy. {Pause.) Yes, 
that's what I'll do. They won't be fussy for one meal 
and besides I guess I can cook all right. I always get 
away with anything I try and I've often watched 
Elviry. I'll fry them some ham — bread and meat are 
the main — but Elviry said there wasn't any bread — 
oh, well I'll mix up a few biscuits. They are always 
glad when they see biscuits on the table. And per- 
haps I'll make a couple of pies. The boys deserve 
good board for they are fine fellows. Now, the meat 
the first thing. {Takes up knife.) Wonder what El- 
viry did with that ham she cut into for breakfast — 
oh, there it is under that cloth on the table {a small 
table at left of stage. Goes to table, turns his back to 
audience and pretends to cut meat. Suddenly drops 
knife, utters sharp exclamation, faces audience with 
thumb wrapped in handkerchief, previously stained 
with red ink) I've cut my thumb, I've cut my thumb! 
{Jumps around, hurts sore foot.) I've cut it most off. 
Look how it bleeds! {Drops into chair.) And Elviry 
not here to bandage it and I don't know where she 
keeps the turpentine — I'm liable to take blood poison 
and — oh, look at the time ! {Rises, ties handkerchief 
on thumb with a piece of twine.) I've got to hurry 
up that dinner. {Goes to left of stage and returns 
with pan of flour.) I guess I'll make the biscuits first 
and then the pies. Oh, my thumb ! Now, let me 
think a minute. What does Elviry put in her bis- 
cuits? Oh, yes, salt, of course, and soda. {Adds lib- 
eral handful of salt and heaping teaspoonful of soda.) 
I never noticed how much soda she puts in. {Adds 
another spoonful.) I guess that ought to be enough 
but mebbe I ought to add a little more. I'd hate to 
have them flat. The boys would never get done guy- 
ing me. {Adds another spoonful.) Now, she mixes 
them with milk, but I don't know where it is so I 
guess water will be all right for once. {Adds water 
and starts to mix.) Say, it's gettin' all stuck to my 



66 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

hand. {Pause.) There ain't hardly any left in the 
pan. {Tries to shake dough off.) It never acts that 
way for Elviry. {Tries to remove dough with left 
hand, gets both hopelessly covered.) Well, what the 
Sam Hill am I goin' to do now? {Holds up hands.) 
The whole blame dinner is rig'ht here on my hands. 

Enter Ed and Bill. 

Bill. Dinner ready? Well, what in the world? 

Ed. What's the old man up to? 

Mr. Perkins. The missus went to Carrie's weddin' 
and Sairy Johnson went on a picnic so I thought I'd 
get dinner, but the biscuits sort of — sort of stuck on 
my hands. 

Bill. Sort of! I think they did. (Ed and Bill 
laugh.) 

Mr. Perkins {indignantly). Laugh! Laugh, you 
two big stiffs! Mebbe you never tried to make bis- 
cuits — you'd see how funny it is with the bloomin* 
dough all over your hands — and your thumb cut, and 
your foot sore. 

Bill. Say, I'm sorry, boss. {To Ed.) Hush, Ed. 
He's a pretty good old scout. 

Ed. Yes, he is. Let's help him. {They take 
knives and scrape dough from hands.) Now, that's 
the worst. We'll get you a pan of water and you 
can wash the rest off. Then you clear out of here 
and we'll get dinner. {Exeunt Bill and Ed, laugh- 
ing.) 

Mr. Perkins. Well, those boys are just all right. 
They never made near as much fun of me as they 
could. I kind of think they'll find their wages a 
little higher than they expected. {Pause.) Never 
again will I say to Elviry that it's easy to cook. 

Curtain. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 67 



JOHN'S LUCKY DAY. 

characters. 
Gladys. Julie. 

John. Charlie. 

Scene: Living room. 

Enter Charlie and John. 

Charlie. Just take a seat, Mr. Elwood. I'll tell 
Gladys you're here. 

John. Thank you, Charlie. (Takes Charlie's 
hand in his.) 

Charlie. Oh, thank you, Mr. Elwood. (Turns to 
audience, holding up coin.) It's fifty cents. (Exit 
Charlie.) 

John (standing by table, facing audience). Now 
that I have made up my mind to ask the momentous 
question, I find my courage leaving me. I would not 
venture all so soon only I have to go on that trip and 
may be gone for months. If she returns an un- 
favorable answer, my whole future is blighted. Had 
I not better wait and try still more to advance in 
her good graces ? (Picks up Gladys' photo from table 
and gases at it.) So charming! So winsome! So 
adorable! What can she see in me? And yet some- 
thing tells me I have met with a little favor. (Pause.) 
I hear her light foot-step. (Pause.) I am going to 
adopt a Httle plan I have thought of. I'll hide behind 
this sofa. (A couple of chairs with cover thrown 
over will answer for sofa.) And judge from her 
first exclamation of surprise if she is sufficiently dis- 
appointed at not seeing me to encourage me to pro- 
ceed with my original intention. There she is! (Takes 
hat and hides behind sofa. He is concealed from 
Gladys but in view of audience.) 

Enter Gladys. 

Gladys (Glancing around room, surprised, then as- 
suming an angry expression.) That little imp! I'll 



68 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

teach him to play tricks on me! (John turns sur- 
prised face toward audience. Gladys goes to door.) 
Charlie! Charlie, come here. (Turns toward audi- 
ence.) I thought it strange for John to call on Mon- 

^ ^* Charlie re-enters room. 

Charlie {surprised). Where's John? 

Gladys {advancing and taking Charlie hy ear). 
I'll teach you a lesson, my lad. 

Charlie {squirming). Ouch! You hurt! 

Gladys. I mean to hurt. If you ever try to be 
smart again, young man ! 

Charlie {pulling away) . What you mean? Smart? 

Gladys {seizing Charlie's arm). Telling me John 
was here! 

Charlie. He was here. 

Gladys. Oh, fudge ! Tried to play a trick and then 
afraid to own up. 

Charlie. I was out on the porch when he came. 
I brought him in here and went right away to tell 
you. I can't help it if he went off again. 

Gladys. I ought to tell pa and have him give you 
a lickin' for telling lies. {Takes Charlie to door 
and pushes him out. Turns again toward audience.) 
That little smart Aleck! I'll have to keep him under 
from now on. I never thought he'd have the nerve 
to try to play a trick on me. He got that from Jim 
Brown. He is always fooling Mabel about her fellow. 
Well, I'll teach Charlie it doesn't pay. {Takes chair 
near table.) I'm kind of glad it was only Charlie 
trying to be funny after all. I don't feel like talking 
to John this evening. A person has to be so particular. 
He gets shocked as easily as some prim old maid. 
{Pause.) I don't know, though. Coming on Mon- 
day, I was pretty sure he would have something spe- 
cial to say, but then I can get him to propose any time 
I want to. {More surprise on John's part.) And I 
guess 111 let him, pretty soon, if only to spite Clara 
Kerr. She thinks she can beat my time, the goose! 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 69 

He's got money, too, and of course that makes up for 
a lot, but o'h, that mug of his! (John is indignant. 
Gladys picks up John's photo and gases at it.) He 
certainly was greedy when ears were passed around. 
His nose started out to be a Roman and then must have 
gotten discouraged. I heard that Clara raves over 
his wonderful eyes — well, maybe they suit her. And 
if he only knew how to dress — {Glances toward door.) 
There's dad coming! Well, he's not going to sit in 
here. I'm going to have one room in this house kept 
in order. (Goes to door.) You don't need to come 
in here with that old pipe of yours and your dusty 
shoes. (Pause.) I don't care if it is hot in the other 
rooms. Go sit on the porch. (Pause.) Oh, you're 
getting mighty particular! What if there are a few 
mosquitoes out there ? I'm not going to have everybody 
stick in here all the time — that's flat. (Returns to 
chair. Listens.) Well, if there isn't mamma calling 
now! I never have a bit of peace. (Goes to door.) 
Well? (Pause.) Come and wash the dishes? The 
very idea! (Pause.) You say Lizzie is not feeling 
well? You ought to know it's pure laziness and noth- 
ing else. (Pause.) She's gone to bed? Well, she can 
get up again, I guess. (John is horrified.) I see my- 
self washing dishes. (Resumes chair.) Paying two 
dollars a bottle for that new cream for my hands and 
then putting them in dish water. (Picks up Johns's 
photo again.) A girl cannot be blamed for taking a fel- 
low that looks even like this, in order to get away 
from such drudgery at home. I'll certainly have it 
understood right at the start that I'll have plenty of 

^* Enter Julie. 

Julie. Gladys, won't you fix up my finger? It 
hurts. Take off the bandage and see if you can't do 
something for it. 

Gladys. Haven't I told you a dozen times, Julie, 
to keep out of this room? 

Julie. But won't you fix my finger? 



70 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Gladys. Oh, bother your finger. (Starts to polish 
her finger nails.) 

Julie. Gladys, won't you look at it? (Gladys pays 
no attention. Examines her finger nails critically.) 
The doctor said my finger ought to be fixed every 
day. 

Gladys. He didn't say I had to do it, did he? 
Go to mamma. 

Julie. She is washing the dishes. There are so 
many, she said it would take her an hour, (Gladys 
resumes polishing of nails.) 

Gladys. This cream is doing my hands absolutely 
no good. I saw some of a different kind advertised 
in this evening's paper. I must send for it. 

Julie (placing her hand on Gladys' shoulder). 
Gladys, my finger hurts. 

Gladys (rising impatiently). You're a regular little 
nuisance! (Seises Julie's arm.) Go on out to the 
kitchen and wait till mamma gets through. (Rushes 
Julie from room. Resumes seat.) I wonder if every 
girl is as much worried with her brothers and sisters 
as I am. (Picks up John's photo again.) His collar 
doesn't fit, and that tie! He has the most wretched 
taste. (Listens.) If there isn't mamma calling again! 
Was anybody ever imposed on like I am! (Slams 
photo on table and leaves room.) 

John (emerging from behind sofa). Oh, what if 
I hadn't played that trick! This is my lucky day 
all right. (Hurried exit.) 

Curtain. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 71 



LITTLE HYPOCRITES. 



Louis. 


rvxvrvv^ J. i:.xv. 


a. 
Veva. 


Medford. 




Emma. 


Roy. 




Etta. 


Dan. 




Fanny, colored. 


Aunt Carrie. 




Lily. 




Mattie 


:. 


Scene : 


Living 


room. 



Discovered, Veva and Louis. 

Louis. Well, I tell you I can't hold in much longer. 
Did you say she was going home the end of this 
week? 

Veva. Hush! Don't talk so loud. I've told you 
over and over again that she would stay till mamma 
and papa got home, but they said in their last letter 
they would be sure to be here Friday at the latest, 
so that's only two more days and you and the rest of 
the bunch better behave till then if you know what's 
good for you. 

Louis. How you talk ! A person would think you 
were a regular little angel yourself. 

Veva. I don't pretend to be an angel, but I've got 
common sense enough to know if we make a hit with 
Aunt Carrie, it will be a good thing for us. You 
know she's almost as good as promised she'll buy 
us an automobile. She's got all kinds of money 
and not a soul in the world but us and Uncle John's 
folks. 

Louis. And they don't count. She's angry because 
they treated her so cool when she was there last 
summer. 

Veva {laughing). She can't say that about us. 
I've been so sweet to her all the time she's been here 
that I'm beginning to feel — sticky. 



12 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Louis. So am I. And if she were to be here 
longer than Friday, I beHeve I'd have to break loose, 
but maybe I can hold in till then. You'd better give 
those kids a calling down, though. They're acting 
pretty fresh lately, and I believe Aunt Carrie is begin- 
ning to suspect we are not as good as we are trying 
to appear. 

Veva. I'll settle them. They are not going to spoil 
the game this late in the day. 

Louis. Better make it good and strong. Dan and 
Etta Brown are coming over and you know how 
Roy and Medford act when those two kids are here. 

Veva. And Emma is not a bit better. My, if papa 
and mamma were only here during Aunt Carrie's visit, 
we might have some show then. 

Louis. But she wouldn't have come if they didn't 
have to go to the city. You know she wrote she was 
coming to take charge of the **little dears" while they 
were away. 

Veva. And of all the directions I got from mamma 
about behaving — 

Louis. Papa made his directions to me short — 
that I'd get the worst licking of my life if Aunt Carrie 
didn't have a good opinion of us at the end of her 
visit. He's as keen about that automobile as we are. 

Veva. And mamma has been talking to her friends 
as if we already had it. Well, it's only two more 
days. My, I'll be glad when she's gone — tiresome old 
busybody. It's a good thing for her she's got money, 
because nobody'd make much of a fuss over her if she 
hadn't. 

Louis. You said something then. Well, let's look 
up the rest of the kids. I made them go down to 
the pasture so they wouldn't disturb Aunt Carrie. 
We'll tell them what's what before Dan and Etta get 
here. {Exeunt Veva and Louis.) 

Enter Aunt Carrie. 
Aunt Carrie. I have had a most refreshing sleep. 
Louis sent the children to the pasture so they would not 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS n 

awaken me. He's such a thoughtful lad — but they are 
all dear children. They are wonderful, simply won- 
derful, but — (pauses, shakes her head). No, it is a 
most unworthy suspicion and I know if their own 
father, my dear brother Charles, had lived I would 
never entertain it. But this step-father of theirs — 
could he have prompted them to be so attentive to 
me and to behave in such a model manner just to 
gain my good will and so perchance some of my 
money? And their mother — such a worldly woman — 
whatever poor Charles saw in her, I can't imagine. 
He wasn't long in his grave, poor fellow, when she 
picked up this step-father for her children. (Pause,) 
Even though he is a step-father, I'd hate to do him 
an injustice — but these children are too good — it's 
not natural. I was a child myself once, though many 
years ago, and I know something about children. 
(Pause.) If they are really as good as they seem, I 
wouldn't mind buying the finest automobile on the 
market for them, but no one is going to get any 
of Caroline M. Wilson's money under false pretenses. 
I'll see to that. (Exit Aunt Carrie.) 

Enter Louis, Veva, Medford, Roy, Emma, Dan 
and Etta. 

Veva (to smaller children who are very noisy). 
For the land of livin'! Didn't I tell you all to be 
quiet. Sit down and be still. 

Dan. What for? We came over to play. 

Veva. I'll play you. Don't talk so loud. 

Etta. He can talk loud if 'he wants to. It's no fun 
here. Let's go home, Dan. 

Veva. I wish you would. 

Louis. Oh, no. Don't go. Everybody sit down. 
(All are seated.) We'll play something — some kind 
of a game that won't make much noise. (To Veva.) 
Aunt Carrie might see them going so early and ask 
questions. 

Medford. We want to play down in the pasture 



74 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

where we can make as much noise as we please. Why 
did you make us come up here? 

Veva. I'm afraid Aunt Carrie might not Hke it 
if you children are never in the house during her visit. 

Emma. I'm just tired of hearing about Aunt Carrie 
all the time. 

Roy. So am I. She's nothing but a cranky old 
maid, anyhow. 

Veva (placing her hand over Roy's mouth). Roy 
Wilson, don't you ever dare to say anything like that 
again as long as you Hve. 

Roy. I heard you say it yourself yesterday. 

Veva {astonished). Why, where were you? Did 
you hear all I said? 

Roy. Sure. I heard every word. 

Louis. I told you you'd better be careful how you 
talked. Listen! There's some one coming down the 
stairs. It's Aunt Carrie. Now everybody better be- 

Enter Aunt Carrie. 

Veva {moving toward Aunt Carrie, who is dressed 
for the street, and taking her hand). Why, Aunt 
Carrie, we didn't know you had awakened from your 
nap. I hope none of us disturbed you. 

Aunt Carrie. No, indeed. You were all very 
quiet. 

Louis. Are you going down town. Aunt Carrie? 
My, we'll be so lonesome without you all afternoon. 

Dan {aside). If I talked that way to my aunt, 
she'd drop dead. 

Aunt Carrie. No, I'm not going down town — 
just to the mail box and then I will go over to visit 
Mrs. Bacon for an hour or two. 

Veva {aside). Glory be! We can act natural for 
a little while. {To Aunt Carrie.) I hope you will 
have the best time. Aunt Carrie. 

Aunt Carrie. Thank you, my dear. And good- 
bye to all. There's no need telling you to be good 
children, for you are never anything else. Be sure 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 75 

to stay close at home, so I'll feel safe about you. 
Goodbye. 

Children (except Dan and Etta). Goodbye. 
Aunt Carrie. (Exit Aunt Carrie.) 

Dan (to Etta). They make me sick. 

Etta (to Dan). Here, too. They are putting all 
that on. (Louis and Veva put up their hands for 
silence and all stand in a listening attitude.) 

Veva. I heard the gate click. She's really gone. 
(Children seize hands and dance around room.) 

Louis (as they stop, wiping his face). I can 
hardly believe it! The first time she's been away 
from the house for a minute unless ^e had to tag 
along with her. 

Veva. We can act as we please for awhile and not 
be thinking of that automobile. 

Dan. Well, let's play something, then. 

Roy. I say so, too. 

Emma. Let's play school. I'll be the teacher. 

Veva. You'll be the teacher! I guess you will! 
Sit down, all of you. I'll be the teacher myself. 

Emma (starting to cry). No, I said it first. 1 
want to be the teacher. 

Veva. Sit down, I say. (Seizes Emma's arm, 
shakes her vigorously and seats her forcibly). I've 
been giving in to you all the time Aunt Carrie has 
been here and you're just as spoiled as you can be. 
Now, I am going to be the teacher and I want you 
all to walk the chalk line. (Children are seated.) 

Louis. You can be the teacher, Veva, because you 
are the oldest, but don't talk so bossy. You know 
I won't stand for it no matter what the others do. 
Playing school's no fun, anyhow. I believe I'll go 
over to Jim's for a little while. She'll never know. 

Veva. You will not. You don't know what minute 
she'll be back. 

Louis (impatiently). I don't see what she had to 
tell us to stay at home for. Wonder if she thinks we 
are such babies that we can't take care of ourselves. 



76 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Veva. I don't know what she thinks, but you don't 
have to growl at me that way. 

Medford. Just Hsten to the way the "little dears" 
are talking. (Veva and Louis look at him angrily.) 

Veva. You keep still or I'll box your ears. 
{Knocking is heard.) 

Louis {sullenly). Come in. 

Enter Old Woman. 

Veva {glancing with surprise at their visitor, who 
is poorly dressed with face tied up as with toothache, 
bonnet pulled down to partly conceal features.) 
Well, what do you want? 

Old Woman {in feeble voice). My good children, 
will you let me rest here for a few minutes? 

Veva. Rest here! Why don't you go home? 

Etta. The poor old lady! Don't talk to her like 
that, Veva. 

Veva. What's it to you? I'll talk as I please. 

Louis {to Veva). Don't talk like that, Veva. Dan 
and Etta will spread it all over town. {To Old 
Woman in gruff tones.) Sit down. You can stay 
if you want to. 

Old Woman {seating herself). Thank you, my 
good little boy. I am glad to see you so kind-hearted 
to the old. The time will come when you will be old 
yourself and — 

Louis {impatiently) . Oh, cut out that line of talk! 
{Glances out of window.) Well, look who's coming 
here. {Knock is heard.) Of all the nerve! That little 
Fanny Smith coming to the front door! Come in. 

Enter Fanny. 

Veva. Well, what do you want? The next time 
you'd better go to the back door. 

Fanny {frightened). I — I — I did. I knocked and 
I knocked back dere but you didn't hear me. 

Veva. I suppose Katie has gone somewhere. It's 
her afternoon off. Well, what do you want? 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 77 

Fanny. I'se done come aftah the money for de 
wash. My maw says could you let her have a little 
money, if only fifty cents. She kain't go out to work, 
'case my paw is awful sick an' we's ain't got nuffin 
to eat. 

Veva (carelessly) . You'll have to wait till mamma 
comes home. She didn't say for me to pay any bills. 
I don't know if she owes you anything or not. 

Fanny. My maw says dat dere's a rich lady at 
yoh house an' maybe she'll pay hit. We's all jus' as 
hungry as we can be. 

Veva. Don't you dare to say anything to Aunt Car- 
rie about money for the wash. Don't you dare! Go 
on home before she gets home. Go on. 

Fanny. I'se scared to go home without no money. 

Medford. Oh, let's get this black cloud out of here. 
Come on, kids. (They chase Fanny off stage. Dan 
and Etta do not take part in this.) 

Veva. Well, here are two more pests coming! Of 
all things I Lily and Mattie Clark. Guess Uncle John 
sent them over so they could get on the good side 
of Aunt Carrie. I'm going to be very cool to them. 
(Knock is heard.) Come in. 

Enter Lily and Mattie. 

Lily. Good afternoon, everybody. 

Mattie. My, it's warm! Where's Aunt Carrie? 

Veva (coldly). She's over at Mrs. Bacon's. Did 
you come to see her? 

Lily. Yes, and all the rest of you. 

Veva. Um — (shrugs her shoulders). 

Mattie. Didn't you want us to come? 

Veva. I generally invite those I want. When did 
you get your invitation? 

Lily. Well ! Let's go home, Mattie. 

Mattie. Oh, nobody minds Veva. She's always 
kind of snippy. (Seats herself.) I want to see Aunt 
Carrie and I'm going to stay here till she comes back. 
Sit down, Lily, and don't stand there with your mouth 
open. (Lily takes chair.) 



78 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Louis. If you think you or your folks have any 
show with Aunt Carrie, you're dead wrong. She's 
never gotten over the cool way you treated her last 
summer. 

Lily. We didn't treat her cool, but maybe we 
weren't as sweet around her as some people who want 
to get her money. 

Medford. It pays to be sweet. We are going to 
get an automobile. 

Dan. Say, let's play something. You all don't do 
anything but talk. 

Veva. Well, we'll play school like we started. 
And I'm going to make a dunce cap out of this paper. 
{She does so.) And I'm going to put it on the head 
of the pupil who is so duncy that she can't take a 
hint. {Moves toward Mattie.) 

Mattie {rising). Don't you think for one minute, 
Veva Wilson, that you can put that old cap on me. 
{She pushes Veva away. Lily goes to Mattie's 
assistance and Louis to Veva's. They struggle, jostle 
Old Woman, knock her bonnet and bandage off. She 
stands up, proving to be Aunt Carrie. Surprised 
silence on part of children.) 

Aunt Carrie. I never, never would have believed 
it if I had not seen it with my own eyes and heard 
it with my own ears. Such scheming on the part of 
mere children! Lily and Mattie, come with me. I 
am going to your house. (Lily and Mattie move 
toward her.) You two little children {to Dan and 
Etta) better run along home. Your mother ought 
to be more careful with whom she allows you to as- 
sociate. 

Dan. Come on, Etta. I'm willing. They never 
play anything here. {Exeunt Dan and Etta.) 

Aunt Carrie. I'll send word to your parents to 
come home at once. You may tell them for me that I 
hope they'll enjoy the automobile I give them — when 
they get it. I forgot the card I was to mail and com- 
ing back for it accidentally overheard enough of your 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 79 

conversation to make me suspect that you are regular 
little hypocrites. I dressed as a poor old woman and — 
you know the rest. Come, Lily and Mattie. (Exeunt 
Aunt Carrie, Lily and Mattie. Louis takes seat 
and buries face in hands. Veva puts head on table and 
weeps. Roy, Medford and Emma circle round her 
and call "Cry-baby! Cry-baby T) 

Veva {starting up). Stop that noise! Get right out 
of here! {Chases them from stage.) That hateful old 
maid ! To play a trick on us like that ! Just think of 
all the attention we've wasted on her! Oh, if I could 
only tell her something! The tricky old cat! 

Louis. Oh, hush, Veva ! Can't you see it is our own 
fault? I often felt mean when we were trying to be 
so sweet to her. I'm going to be different from now 
on, just see if I don't. I guess I'll get an awful Hcking 
from dad but I'm going to try to think 'T deserve this 
for being such a little hypocrite." {Exit.) 

Veva. Well, maybe he's right. I guess deceit is 
wrong — and I've certainly learned that it doesn't pay. 

Curtain. 



MAMMA SAYS. 

characters. 

Mrs. Hollis. Letty. 

Mrs. Jackson. Will. 

Laura. Leslie. 

Scene : School room. 
Discovered, Laura, Letty, Will and Leslie. 

Letty. When I finish this example, I'll have all 
my arithmetic for tomorrow. 

Laura. I'm on the last one, too. Why didn't you 
boys work this noon hour? And then you wouldn't 
have to take your books home tonight. 

Will. Aw, I'm not going to work free time and 
during books, too. 

Leslie. Maybe I won't come to school tomorrow 



80 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

and then it won't make any difference if I have my 
examples or not. Mamma is going to Unionville and 
she said if it was a good day I could go along. 

Laura. I shouldn't think you would want to miss 
school. I haven't been absent at all so far this term 
and I'm going to try to come every day. 

Letty. So'm I. I don't like to stay at home, be- 
cause I can't understand the lessons the next day. 

Leslie. Oh, who cares for that? Besides nobody 
can learn anything with the kind of a teacher we have. 

Laura. Why, the very idea! Miss Abby is a fine 
teacher. 

Leslie. You wouldn't say so if she was always 
fussin' at you the way she is at some of us. 

Letty. Why don't you behave, then? 

Leslie. I'm no worse than any of the others. 

Laura. Oh, you are, too. 

Leslie. I am not. And mamma says if Miss Abby 
doesn't quit pickin' on me, she's coming over and tell 
her something. 

Will. She doesn't pick on you, Les. 

Leslie. I'd like to know what you call it when she 
keeps me after school nearly every day. Mamma says 
that's got to stop. And then she made me carry in 
wood yesterday. I'm not supposed to work around 
here. Ed Johnson gets paid for that. 

Letty. Well, you know Ed was sick. It didn't hurt 
you to carry in a little wood. Any one of the larger 
boys would have been willing. You were the only one 
around except those little fellows. 

Leslie. Well, I don't have to work for her. 

Laura. I think you're lazy. {Looks out of win- 
dow.) Oh, I wonder what the excitement is! {They 
go to the window.) 

Mrs. Hollis and Mrs. Jackson enter unobserved 
by children and take seats in rear. 

Laura. It seems to be a dog fight. 

Will. That's just what it is. That's Jones' dog 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 81 

and Leo's must have followed him to school. They 
are sure tearing each other up. 

Laura. Oh, oh! they will kill each other. 

Letty. Why don't those boys separate them in- 
stead of dancing around and yelling like Indians ? 

Will. They know better. Don't you ever try to 
wade in and stop a dog fight. Oh, there goes Leo 
with a bucket of water. That'll fix 'em. Yes, that 
changed their minds all right. (They resume seats, 
stepping backward and still looking out the window 
so visitors are unobserved.) 

Letty. Now I am going to diagram my sentences. 

Leslie. I think grammar is the silliest stuff. I'm 
not going to do those old sentences. 

Laura. If you don't watch out you won't make the 
seventh grade. 

Leslie. Who cares? I'm not coming to this old 
school next year, anyhow. I'm going to Unionville. 

Will. I'd just as soon come here till I'm ready for 
high school and then go to town. 

Leslie. Oh, of course you would. You've got a 
stand in with Miss Abby. Mamma says she thinks it's 
awful funny the teacher always has to have pets. 

Mrs. Hollis {to Mrs. Jackson). Yes, it's a shame. 

Mrs. Jackson. You can't make me believe Miss 
Abby has pets. 

Will. I'm not the teacher's pet. Don't you say 
that. If you'd behave half way right she'd never say 
a word to you. (Mrs. Hollis indignant at Will.) 

Leslie. I'm no worse than the others. 

Laura. You said that before, but you are. Who 
put that rubber on the stove this morning? 

Will. And who's always teasing the little boys ? 

Letty. And who broke that pane of glass yester- 
day? (Mrs. Hollis very much astonished.) And you 
never will clean up under your desk in the evening. 

Leslie. That's the janitor's work. He gets paid 
for it. Mamma says — 

Laura. I don't see why you have to tell your 



82 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

mamma every little fiddle de faddle that happens in 
school. My mamma wouldn't listen to me. She says it's 
Miss Abby's place to rule the school and she has no 
more right to interfere than if Miss Abby would try 
to tell her how to run her house. 

Mrs. Jackson {to Mrs. Mollis). Just what I say. 

Leslie. I guess mamma has a right to know how 
I'm treated. 

Will. Did you tell her you threw a lot of paper 
wads on the ceiling yesterday, and when Miss Abby 
asked who did it, you wouldn't own up? 

Leslie. I'd be a goose to tell on myself. Why 
doesn't she watch? It's her place to know what's go- 
ing on in the room. 

Laura. She has to turn her back when she writes 
on the board. 

Leslie. Oh, well, I don't like her anyhow. I've got 
a big wad of paper right now and I'm going to land 
it over her desk. I hope it falls on her head. {Draws 
hack arm preparatory to throwing. Mrs. Hollis ad- 
vances silently toward him.) Mamma says — 

Mrs. Hollis {taking him, by the ear). Mamma 
says that she just wants to see you throw that paper. 

Leslie {squirming). Ouch! You've got me by the 
ear! 

Mrs. Hollis. I know I've got you by the ear. I'm 
ashamed of you. I'm glad Mrs. Jackson asked me to 
visit the school with her today. I never would have 
been convinced if I had not seen and heard. I'm going 
to spend the afternoon here and I'll have my eye on 
you, young man. You give Miss Abby one bit of 
trouble and when you get home it will be what mamma 
"does" and not what mamma "says." 

Curtain. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 83 



OUR SET. 
characters. 

Mrs. Miller. Zita. 

Mr. Miller. Tillie. 

Mrs. Newton. Willie. 
Henrietta. 

Scene: Living room. 

Discovered, Mrs. Miller, reading. 

Mrs. Miller {looking up from hook and glancing 
toward window). Well, there are those Carey children 
coming here again, and Henrietta rushing out to meet 
them with open arms. It is not my wish to have her 
become so friendly with them. Mrs. Carey is a new- 
comer and I haven't decided if I care to admit her to 
our set. Of course it will be as I say. If / take her 
up, all the ladies will follow my example. 

Enter Zita, Tillie, Henrietta and Willie. 

Tillie. Oh, Mrs. Miller, we are going fishing and 
we've come for Henrietta to go with us. 

Mrs. Miller. I am sorry, Tillie, but I have no time 
to fix her up for visiting. 

Tillie. She will not need fine clothes to go fishing. 

Zita. Dad went fishing yesterday and he caught so 
many. He says Beaver Dam is full of fish. 

Willie. And an eel that long {measuring with his 
hands.) It came near pulling dad into the water. 

Mrs. Miller. And what if an eel would pull Hen- 
rietta into the water ? I would feel uneasy all the time 
she was gone. 

Willie. The eel can't pull Ettie into the water — 
'cause dad catched it. 

Mrs. Miller. Yes, but there are more eels than 
one in Beaver Dam. 

Henrietta. Mamma, please let me go. I'll be care- 
ful not to fall into the water. 



84 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Mrs. Miller. Henrietta, I am surprised that you 
are so thoughtless. Don't you know how worried I 
would be about you? You should regard my feelings 
as well as your own. 

TiLLiE. Well, we must go. Mamma told us not to 
stay long. {Aside.) She doesn't want Henrietta to go 
with us. Thinks we're not good enough, I guess. 
{Exeunt Tatk, Tillie_, Henrietta and Willie.) 

Mrs. Miller. Henrietta is very much disappointed. 
But she will realize when she gets older how careful 
one must be in the selection of friends. I don't know 
if the Careys have a penny or not. I am going to be 
very careful as to those with whom I allow Henrietta 
to associate. Some people seem to think it makes no 
difference as long as the children are small, but I have 
seen early friendships very hard to break off. 

Henrietta re-enters room, crying. 

Henrietta. Now they are mad at me. Tillie said 
their mamma thought you didn't want me to play with 
them, and this was the last time they could ask me. 
And their cousin is coming next week and they'll have 
parties, and lots of fun and I'll miss it all. 

Mrs. Miller. Very likely you'll live over it. You 
have your own friends. 

Henrietta. I liked Tillie and Zita better than any 
girls I ever knew — and now they won't ever have any- 
thing to do with me again. {Exit Henrietta.) 

Mrs. Miller. Oh, she'll get over it. If I let her 
be so thick with those children, I'd have to have Mrs. 
Carey in our set whether I wanted her or not, and I 
haven't made up my mind. I've been very cool to her 
so far — there's plenty of time to take her up later if 

^^^ ' Enter Mr. Miller. 

Mr. Miller. Say, Louise, what's the matter with 
Henrietta ? She's out there crying like her heart would 
break. 

Mrs. Miller. Oh, she's so silly. I wouldn't let her 
go fishing with those Carey children, and she says 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 85 

they're mad at her — as if that would be such a calam- 
ity. They told her their mother said they couldn't ask 
her any more if she didn't accept this invitation. She 
seems smart enough to realize that I am keeping Hen- 
rietta from becoming too thick with her children. 
She'll be offended, I suppose, but there'll be plenty of 
time for her to get over it before I decide whether or 
not to admit her to our set. 

Mr. Miller. Oh, heck! 

Mrs. Miller. John ! What did you say ? 

Mr. Miller. I said, ''Oh, heckT I didn't say— 
what you thought I said, but I feel like it. You've 
made Mrs. Carey sore now, and I was just going to 
borrow a hundred dollars from her old man. 

Mrs. Miller. You were going to borrow money 
from Jim Carey? 

Mr. Miller. I was. He has lots of it. I can't 
have the nerve to ask him now, though. And I'm not 
going to try any of the banks. I don't want them to 
know I am a little short. There isn't anyone else I 
can think of either. Oh, well, I don't have to have it. 
I had a chance to get hold of a fine automobile, though 
— one that I know is just as good as new. 

Mrs. Miller. Oh, John ! What kind ? I'm so tired 
of ours — it's getting shabby. What make? My, I'm 
delighted. Do you think folks will imagine that it's 
new? I'd hate to have them say we bought it second- 
hand. Who are you going to get it from? 

Mr. Miller. I'm not going to get it at all. I lack 
a hundred dollars. I could have gotten that much from 
Jim Carey and been sure he would have kept still about 
it, but I won't run the risk of borrowing from anyone 
else, as shaky as business is these days. I wish you 
hadn't made Mrs. Carey sore. Maybe she will tell 
Jim, and I need all the friends I can hold on to these 
days. "Our set" — that's funny talk in a country where 
all are supposed to be free and equal. Oh, well, you'll 
miss the automobile more than I will. It was a dandy 
one, too. (Exit Mr. Miller. Knock is heard. Mrs. 
Miller goes to door.) 



86 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Enter Mrs. Newton. 

Mrs. Miller. Why, Mrs. Newton, I'm so glad to 
see you. Sit down. 

Mrs. Newton. No, I've just a minute to stay, but 
I wanted to tell you the news. Mrs. Hamilton-Jones 
is coming here next week. 

Mrs. Miller. Mrs. Hamilton-Jones! 

Mrs. Newton. Yes. Just imagine! Such a great 
club-woman! What an honor for our little town! 

Mrs. Miller. I never thought she'd accept when 
we extended her that invitation. She will be my guest, 
I suppose, as I am president of the local club and have 
the best — I mean the most room. I'll have a reception 
for her, of course, and will have to plan other forms 
of entertainment. I wonder who all to ask. I'll have 
to have the officers of the club, though some of them 
are rather — well I can keep them in the background. 

Mrs. Newton. Wait a minute. You've gotten the 
wrong idea. She's not coming as the guest of the 
club. Didn't the secretary tell you she had sent her 
regrets long ago? 

Mrs. Miller. Well, then, what's bringing her? 

Mrs. Newton. She's coming to visit the Careys. 

Mrs. Miller. To visit the Careys ! 

Mrs. Newton. Yes. She's Mrs. Carey's cousin. 
She's coming here because she says it's a nice, quiet 
little town and she wants a rest, and on account of her 
little daughter — thinks she will enjoy the fresh air, 
and so on. But just think all the ideas we can get from 
her. I'm so delighted. I'm going to the Careys now. I 
promised Mrs. Carey last week that I would drop in 
some time to show her that new embroidery stitch. 
I'm so glad I did. She can't say now that I am getting 
nice just because of the company she expects. Well, 
I must run along. I kneW you'd be glad to hear. You 
are so interested in club affairs. Goodbye. 

Mrs. Miller. Goodbye. {Exit Mrs. Newton.) I 
am beginning to realize how foolish I have been. Hen- 
rietta in tears, John angry and {glancing toward win- 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 87 

dow) half a dozen other women coming to tell me 
about Mrs. Hamilton- Jones. They are just doing it for 
meanness, too, because they all knew I was cool to 
Mrs. Carey. {Another glance toward window.) No, 
they are not coming here at all. They are all trooping 
in to call on Mrs. Carey — and I thought they'd wait 
to see whether or not I took her up. I'm not the 
leader of society in this town that I thought I was, and 
oh — that auto — auto — mobile ! {Places handkerchief 
to eyes and leaves stage.) 

Curtain. 



ONCE TOO OFTEN. 

characters. 

Clara. Gertie. 

Ruby. Carl. 

Grace. Roy. 

Scene: Living room. 
Discovered, Clara, Ruby, Carl and Roy. 

Clara. I'm so afraid Gertie and Grace won't get 
here on time. 

Roy. I hope they don't. I can't stand them. 

Ruby. Aren't you ashamed, Roy ? 

Roy. That makes the twenty-fifth time you've asked 
me that this evening. Once and for all — no, I'm not. 

Ruby. You ought to be. 

Roy. Is that so? {Makes face at Ruby.) 

Ruby. He's just trying to show off. Boys are hor- 
rid. (Roy and Carl laugh.) 

Clara. You needn't be so smart, either, Carl Sum- 
mers. If mamma were at home you wouldn't be so 
gay. 

Ruby. And if our mamma knew how Roy had been 
acting, she would fix him. I'm not going to tell her 
because I despise one who tells on another, but it would 
do me an awful lot of good if she found out some way. 

Roy. Oh, girls make me sick. I'm getting tired of 



88 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

waiting. What do you suppose your Uncle John is 
going to do for us, Carl ? 

Carl. I don't know, but you can bet it will be some- 
thing worth while. I wish it was only for the boys 
of the class, though. 

Clara. I never heard anything so selfish. {Knock 
is heard.) That's Gertie and Grace. Now you boys, 
do try to behave. They are not used to you like Ruby 
and I are. {Goes to door.) 

Enter Gertie and Grace. 

Gertie anc? Grace. Good evening. {The others re- 
spond. The Boys speak in an affected tone and how 
in an exaggerated manner.) 

Clara {aside). Oh, dear. Those boys are going 
to be as hateful as ever. I wish mamma would hurry 
home. 

Gertie. We were so afraid we would be late. Is 
your Uncle John going to take us to the circus ? Grace 
said she was sure it would be that? 

Clara. We don't know. He just said for me to 
get the class together if I could — that he had some- 
thing pleasant in store for us. 

Grace. Isn't he too kind ? But why don't the others 
hurry up? 

Clara. They are going to meet at Jennie's. It is 
more convenient for them to go there. 

Ruby. Oh, I can hardly wait. I'd love to go to the 
circus, or to a good show. They are having fine pic- 
tures this week, or just any place. 

Gertie. And it's such a surprise. It's so nice when 
you're not expecting anything to get — 

Carl, I thought maybe you would be expecting 
something — or someone — this evening. 

Gertie. What do you mean ? 

Roy. He means that red-headed little beau of yours. 

Ruby. Oh, hush, Roy. 

Gertie. I think so, too. 

Carl. Well, you know he is a red-head. 

Roy. And he's your beau. The other evening after 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 89 

the entertainment he comes up so nice and says (rising 
and bowing low to Gertie), "May I accompany you 
home ?" 

Gertie. He didn't act Hke that, anyhow. 

Carl. Yes he did. I saw and heard him. 

Gertie. Well, then, you saw and heard him get 
turned down good and proper. 

Ruby. I don't blame you, Gertie. He's another one 
who thinks he's cute. 

Carl {to Roy). I wonder if she means that slam 
for us? Oh, how sad! {Pretends to weep. Wrings 
tears from handkerchief. Roy laughs. Girls look 
disgusted.) 

Clara. Let's play some kind of a game. It's early. 
I suppose it will be some little time before Uncle John 
gets here. What shall we play? 

Roy. Poker is a fine game. 

Ruby. Oh, don't try to be funny. 

Carl. Let's shoot craps. 

Clara. Don't be so silly. {To Girls.) I was over 
at Hattie's yesterday evening and we played a new 
game. 

Grace. Oh, tell us about it. I love to learn new 
games. 

Carl. It sure was a hummer of a one. The trick 
is to say the exact words of the leader and to do just 
as he does. 

Clara. Carl, please don't tell it. 

Carl. I will, too. This is the way it goes. Now 
watch. The moon is round. {Describes circle in air 
with finger.) It has two eyes. {Points to them.) A 
nose. {Curve for nose.) And a mouth. {Line for 
mouth.) And of course, the boobs who are trying it 
always forget to say, "Now watch" at the beginning. 
Oh, it's some game. 

Clara. We had a lot of fun playing it. I wish I 
hadn't told you. You spoil everything. 

Carl. Oh, ho, hum! 

Roy. Ruby knows a good trick with cards. 

Ruby. Oh, yes. Got a deck handy, Clara? 



90 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Clara. Yes, here's one. (Ruby seats herself at 
table, facing audience. Roy takes seat near her. The 
others stand watching.) 

Ruby (holding deck of cards in front of her). Now 
notice that I can't see the cards, but as I slip them one 
by one from the deck, I will tell you whenever a card 
is a face card. 

Grace. I don't see how you can. They all feel just 
alike. 

Ruby. Oh, I'm a wise person and you'll see. (Slips 
cards from deck. Tells when the first two face cards 
appear, then lets one pass without telling. The others 
are, except Roy_, astonished at her skill in the two in- 
stances, then cry, "You missed that one,'' when she 
allows the third face card to pass.) 

Roy (laughing). Oh, she's the wise person. I 
didn't tread on her foot that time. That's why she 
missed it. 

Grace. Is that the way? Well, it's a pretty good 
trick. 

Ruby (indignantly). But of course I might have 
known Roy wouldn't play it right. 

Roy. He ! he ! The little girl is getting sore. 

Ruby. You think you're smart, but you'll get taken 
down some day, see if you don't. 

Roy. Is dat so? 

Clara. And so will Carl. They'll act fresh just 
once too often. 

Carl. And is dat so? 

Clara. Yes, it is. 

Carl. Say, Fm thirsty. Anybody want a drink? 

Roy (leaning hack in his chair). No, I had a couple 
on my way up. 

Ruby. Doesn't he think he's smart. (Sees hug on 
tahle.) Oh, see that great big bug. (Springs from 
chair. Roy pretends he has bug in hand — chases girls 
— great confusion.) 

Carl re-enters. 

Carl. Say, Roy, stop that. (Roy pays no atten- 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 91 

tion. Carl seises him by arm and shakes him vigor- 
ously.) Somebody ought to knock your fat head off. 
(Roy subsides. Girls drop into chairs, wipe faces, 
arrange hair, etc.) 

Roy. What's getting into you? 

Carl (taking Roy to left of stage). Your mother's 
in there in the next room. 

Roy (frightened). What! 

Carl. She came home with my mother. They've 
been in there all this time and heard everything we 
said. Uncle John is going to take the class in auto- 
mobiles to Freeport and then on an excursion down 
the river — and they say we can't go. 

Roy. We can't go? 

Carl. No, they're awful sore. 

Clara. Oh, listen ! There's an auto ! That's Uncle 
John! Come on! Come on! Let's go see what he's 
planned. (Girls hurry from room.) 

Roy. Do you think they really mean we can't go ? 

Carl. Sure. I heard them say so when I was pass- 
ing in the hall. 

Roy. Let's go ask them. 

Carl. It won't do any good for me. What my 
mother says she sticks to. 

Roy. And so does mine. Pshaw! Weren't we the 
chumps ? 

Carl. I bet it's the last time I tease a bunch of girls. 

Roy. Here too. Oh, say, I wish I could go on that 
excursion. (They walk across stage.) I guess it's 
like Ruby said. We were smart "once too often." 

Curtain. 



92 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



THE REHEARSAL. 

characters. 

Lottie. Tom. 

Allie. George. 

Effie. Louise. ^d. 

Scene : School room. 

Louise (a large girl) is seated at teacher's desk 
reading. The others are seated in front of room. 

This dialogue was introduced for the benefit of small 
pupils who sometimes forget their lines. Knowing 
that someone is on the stage with them to prompt 
quickly if necessary, they will have more confidence. 
Any number of recitations may be included. Louise 
should have a copy of each placed in the book she 
.holds. 

Lottie. Say, let's practice our pieces for the enter- 
tainment. 

Allie. Oh, yes, let's. I'm so afraid I won't know 
mine. 

Lottie. Maybe Louise will hear them. She can 
pretend she's the teacher. She's sitting at her desk. 

Louise. Why certainly. 

Lottie. They are all in that book you were reading. 

Effie. Who'll be first? 

Louise. There's a program here. "Do Your Best" 
comes first. 

George. That's mine. 

DO YOUR best. 
There was an owl sitting on a tree, 
And all she could say was "Who!" "Who!" "Who!" 
But she did the very best she knew how 
And that's what I've tried so hard to do. 

Louise. Very good. The next is "A Tragedy." 
Allie. Oh, does mine come so soon? What is a 
tragedy, Louise? I always forget to ask the teacher. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 93 

Louise. A tragedy is a sad event. 

Allie. Well, I guess this was sad all right. 

A TRAGEDY. 

Yesterday when I got home from school 
There was a great and loud commotion. 
Something awful, awful has happened 
Was my quickly affrighted notion. 
I hurried at once to ask my ma. 
At first she could scarcely speak to tell, 
But later cried with sad tears and sighs, 
"My jelly boiled all day and will not jell." 

Lottie. My mamma had some jelly that acted just 
that way. She got so mad she took the kettle and said 
to dad: "You go and throw that to the hogs — kettle 
and all." He did it — and then there sure was some 
trouble. She said he ought to have known she didn't 
mean it, and why didn't he just put it down some place 
outside till she cooled off? 

Tom. I believe my piece comes next. 

Louise. Yes. "The Sad Case of Johnny Smith." 

Tom (recites). 

the sad case of johnny smith. 
Johnny Smith is home and sick in bed, 
He's got a great big hole in his head. 
How did it happen? I will tell you. 
It was because of their mule named Sue. 

Mr. Smith took her in to town one day. 
When she got home she was fine and gay. 
With brand new shoes on all her four feet. 
She seemed to think, "Say, I'm hard to beat." 

Johnny decided he's see how they fit. 
Fifty feet away was where he lit. 
Full three hours later when he came to 
Ole Doc Brown says, ''Mebbe he will do." 

He can sit up now and drink some soup, 
Though he looks like a hen with the roup, 



94 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

And he says, "After this I don't care 
What kind of shoes old Sue has to wear." 

Ed. He ought to have known better than to go 
foolin' round a mule. 
Tom. Oh, that's just a piece. It's not real. 
Louise. Now comes "My Bad Kitty." 
Lottie. That's Effie's. Say it nice and loud, Effie. 
Effie {recites), 

MY BAD KITTY. 

Does anybody want a kitty ? 

I don't like mine any more. 

See my arm — it's awful sore. 

I gave her one little pat. 

Quick as a flash she did — that. 

{Imitates kitten scratching arm.) 
George. What did you hit her for? 
Effie {indignantly). I didn't. It*'s just in my 
piece. 

Louise. Of course. We all understand that. 
Ed. Mine is next. 

CONTENTMENT. 

I like the sunny days of spring 
With all the flowers blowin' ; 
And hens a cacklin' everywhere. 
And noisy roosters crowin*. 
And downy little baby chicks, 
A toddlin' through the grass. 
And wimmin folks with bonnets on 
A plantin' garden sass. 

And lambs a skippin* in the fields. 
And calves and colts, and sich — 
I tell ye what, sech things as that. 
Somehow makes me feel rich ; 
And though it may seem foolish like. 
To speak of sech a thing, 
I'd rather be a farmer then, 
Than any prince — or king. 

WUliams. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 95 

Tom. I'd rather be a farmer any time than a prince 
or king. 

Louise. Yes, especially these days. 

Lottie. Well, I'm the only one left. 

Louise. And your speech finishes the entertain- 
ment. 

Lottie (recites). 

closing address. 
Our program now is at an end — ^there's but for us 

to say 
The mournful word "goodbye" — ^and then we part 

today. 

When our term of school began, in sunny autumn 

weather, 
We thought it would seem long — ^the time spent here 

together. 
But in study and in frolic the days have glided by 
Till now vacation's joys before us all doth lie. 

Dear parents, we hope you feel that our time we've 

well employed 
And have appreciated all benefits enjoyed. 
We promise that we'll ne'er forget your loving thought 

and care 
Which cheered and urged us on our lessons to prepare. 

To our teacher now we turn a grateful word to say 

For the help so cheerfully given us each day. 

Though at times we seemed but heedless, now we real- 
ize full well 

All your patience and your kindness — more than we 
can ever tell. 

Comrades, now the term is over — some of us may ne'er 

return 
To this little school where our first lessons we did 

learn. 
Let us strive to live that all the world may see 
We remember the tenets taught of truth and honesty. 



96 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Let us face the future brightly, striving always to 

build 
Upon the foundation of learning here instilled. 
Let us ever be observers of the golden rule 
Taught us in our childhood in this little country school. 



THEIR REGRETTED AGREEMENT. 

characters. 
Mr. Moore. Rob. 

Charles. Don. 

Everett. 

Scene: School room. 

Discovered, Mr. Moore, standing by teacher's desk. 

Mr. Moore. I am very much distressed at the nev^s 
I heard, Mr. Edmonds informs me that a valuable 
cow belonging to him was found dead yesterday even- 
ing. She had fallen into a gully and neighbors told him 
that they saw some boys chasing her. He suspects 
the four members of my eighth grade as they pass that 
way every evening on their way home from school. 
I sincerely trust they are not the culprits, as an act 
like this would mar their otherwise perfect record. If 
they are already on the grounds,! will call them in and 
question them. I am sure they will tell me the truth. 
{Looks out window, then turns to audience, shaking 
head.) Oh, that looks very suspicious. Charles and 
Everett saw me at the window and they immediately 
dodged behind trees. (Turns to window, beckons to 
Boys.) They should have remained out of sight. They 
were peeping out and I beckoned to them. They will 
have to come in now and I will learn if they are impli- 
cated in this matter. 

Enter Charles and Everett. 

Charles. Good morning, Mr. Moore. A nice day, 
isn't it? 

Everett. Yes, but it looks like rain. 

Charles. Oh, no. There isn't a sign of rain. Pa 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 97 

says he wishes we would have a shower. The corn 
needs it. 

Mr. Moore. Do you boys — 

Charles (hastily). Mr. Moore, I wish you would 
come over to our place and — and — tell pa how to raise 
his corn. 

Mr. Moore (aside). I'm liable to do just that little 
thing. I'd hear some more about "book" farmers. (To 
Boys.) I want to ask you if — 

Everett. And could you find time to stop in and 
tell ma how to feed her chickens — 

Mr. Moore. Did you boys — 

Everett. And how to make her soap. She's had 
awful bad luck lately. Everybody says you know so 
much agriculture. 

Mr. Moore. Now, enough of this ! You'll be telling 
me pretty soon your sisters want me to stop in and 
show them how to crochet lamp mats. What I called 
you in for was to find out if you know anything 
about — 

Everett. Say, Mr. Moore, you're going to teach 
this school next year, aren't you? 

Charles. Oh, I hope so. You're the best teacher 
we ever had. 

Mr. Moore (seising Everett by arm). Everett, did 
you chase Mr. Edmonds' cow after school yesterday? 

(Everett and Charles exchange glances, then Ev- 
erett replies in low voice.) 

Everett. Spoons. 

Mr. Moore (astonished) . What? 

Everett (louder). Spoons. 

Charles. Mr. Moore, please may I be excused? I 
don't feel well. 

Mr. Moore (aside). What's the matter with these 
boys, anyhow? (To Charles.) When did you begin 
to feel bad, Charles ? 

Charles (in low tone). Fish. 

Mr. Moore (aside). Have they lost their minds? 
(Gases steadily at boys.) No. There is no insanity 



98 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

in their eyes. They are trying this scheme to avoid 
my questions about Mr. Edmonds' cow. {Turns to 
Everett.) Everett, I want a straightforward answer 
to a direct question : Do you know any of the circum- 
stances of the killing of Mr. Edmonds' cow? 

Everett. Spoons. 

Mr. Moore. Stand aside. (Everett moves away.) 
Charles, do you? 

Charles. Fish. (Mr. Moore walks left. Speaks 
aside.) 

Mr. Moore. I greatly regret this. I wouldn't have 
believed they would have been so irresponsible as to 
chase a cow till she fell into a gully and killed herself, 
or so silly as to think they could escape owning up by 
this method of answering questions. Well, I shall 
have to punish them, or my authority is gone. {Picks 
up switch and returns to Boys. They appear very 
much frightened and glance frequently at door.) I'll 
give you a last chance. Everett, do you intend to re- 
turn a proper answer to my question ? 

Everett. Spoons. 

Mr. Moore. Charles, are you going to adhere to 
this foolish course you have adopted ? 

Charles. Fish. 

Mr. Moore {sternly). Then I'll see that you are 
taught never again to think you can escape an account- 
ing for your acts by any such expedient. {Seizes Ev- 
erett's arm and raises switch.) 

Enter Don and Rob. 

Don. Oh, don't Mr. Moore. We'll tell you all about 
it. 

Rob {to Boys). We've been here on the school 
grounds ever since seven o'clock watching for you. 
(Mr. Moore releases Everett's arm and puts switch 
on desk.) 

Don. We were hiding around afraid all the time 
Mr. Moore would see us and maybe ask us a question 
and we didn't see you coming. 

Everett. We were doing the same, watching for 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 99 

you, but we weren't as lucky. He saw us and called 
us in. 

Rob. That's what some of the little fellows said, 
so we hurried up here. 

Charles. You are willing to call it off? 

Rob. Well, I guess so. 

Don. If I ever again do anything so crazy — 

Mr. Moore. Now perhaps you'll kindly tell me 
just what you are talking about. 

Charles. Oh, yes. These fellows were all at my 
house last night, and Rob told a story of a man who 
was being tried for something. He wanted to appear 
insane, so to every question he was asked, he repHed, 
"Spoons" or "Fish." Just for fun we made an agree- 
ment to answer every question that way. 

Everett. Only it didn't turn out to be fun. I re- 
ally got a licking from dad and nearly another from 
you, Mr. Moore. 

Don. And my mother cried and wanted to get the 
doctor. She thought I was crazy. 

Rob. We came to school early. We wanted to take 
back that agreement. Never again for me. 

Mr. Moore. But Mr. Edmonds' cow — 

Everett. Oh, Mr. Moore, you don't think we had 
anything to do with that, do you? He was going 
around saying we did it, but it was some boys from 
the city who are visiting the Martins. They owned 
up. 

Mr. Moore. Well, I'm certainly glad you are not 
concerned in the matter. 

Don. We're all here so early we can have a fine 
game of ball. Come on, Mr. Moore. (They move 
across stage. Don looks out window.) Here comes 
my mother. I thought she couldn't stand it at home. 
She sure thinks I'm crazy. Well, I'm glad I can say 
something in answer to her questions besides "spoons" 
and "fish," 

Curtain. 



100 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



THE CITY COUSIN. 

characters. 

Edna. Nell. 

Esther. Janet. 

Jennie. Bessie. 

Scene: Living room. 

Discovered, Edna, Esther and Jennie. Jennie is 
reading. 

Edna. Oh, I can hardly wait till they get here. 

Esther. Neither can I. I am so anxious to see 
what Bessie's city cousin will be like. {Glances out of 
window.) There is Nell coming now. {Goes to door.) 

Enter Nell. 

Esther {continuing) . Oh, Nell, I was just saying 
to Edna that I can hardly wait till Bessie gets here 
with her cousin. (Esther and Nell take seats.) 

Edna. I am wondering if we will like her. 

Nell. Bessie doesn't like her. 

Jennie. Doesn't like her own cousin? How dread- 
ful! 

Esther. How do you know? 

Nell. Bessie talked to me a little while over the 
phone this morning. She couldn't say very much for 
fear her cousin would come into the room and hear 
her, but she doesn't like her. 

Edna. Why ? 

Nell. She is sore at the way she was treated while 
in the city — said she didn't want to invite her cousin 
to accompany her home on a visit to the country, but 
couldn't get out of it. 

Esther. Wasn't Bessie nicely entertained? She 
was looking forward to that trip so much. 

Nell. Oh, she was in a way, I suppose. But she 
said her cousin made so much fun of her. 

Edna. Made fun of her? Surely not. 

Nell. She didn't mean any harm, but she was al- 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 101 

ways laughing at Bessie because she found the city 
ways so strange. Once they went to Oiie of the big 
stores where they have those revolving doors. Bessie 
was afraid to go through — -said it looked like she'd just 
keep whirling around and never get out. Janet {that's 
her cousin) thought that was awful funny. Another 
time they were on a street car and Janet told her to 
push the button. Bessie didn't see the button and she 
was pushing a screw head. She said she thought 
Janet would die laughing. 

Esther. It was Bessie's first trip to the city. She 
couldn't be expected to know everything. 

Nell. And she said Janet would tell everybody 
everything she did and always wind up by saying: 
**She's from the country, you know." She said she got 
so tired of hearing that — but here they come. 

Edna. I don't imagine I'm going to like her, and 
I guess she'll think we're all green. We're from the 
country, you know. 

Jennie. Hush! They're right at the door. (Esther 
goes to door. Other Girls rise.) 

Enter Bessie and Janet. 

Bessie. Girls, this Is my cousin, Janet Cummings. 
Janet, these are some of my best friends : Esther and 
Edna Mason, Nell Blakely and little Jennie Mason. 

Jennie {aside). Little Jennie Mason! 

Esther. We are all ever so glad to meet you, and 
we hope you'll like the country. Bessie, let me take 
your bonnet. Now, everybody sit down. {They take 
chairs.) 

Janet. I am sure I'll like the country very much, 
but {turning to Bessie), Bessie, you said you'd ask 
for that medicine the first thing. 

Edna. Medicine! Who's sick? 

Bessie. Oh, no one is sick, but Janet is worried 
about her hair. 

Esther. About her hair? 

Nell. What's the matter with it? 

Bessie. Well, you know we drove our old Dick 



102 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

over and he's losing his hair. We were facing a stiff 
breeze and I noticed several of Dick's gray hairs on 
Janet's head. You know how dangerous that is. (Jen- 
nie tries to speak. Esther restrains her.) 

Edna. Oh, how awful ! She'll lose all her hair. 

Nell. That's what happened to my Uncle Charlie. 
He was driving a horse which was afflicted like your 
Dick, and now you know how bald he is. 

Bessie. I wore my bonnet, but I forgot to tell Janet 
to put something on her head. (Jennie tries again to 
enlighten Janet,, hut is prevented.) 

Janet. I don't see how you could have been so 
thoughtless. Just imagine if all my hair comes out 
and never comes back. (Starts to cry.) 

Jennie. Horses shed their — 

Esther (placing hand over Jennie's mouth). We 
have some very good medicine, Janet. I think maybe if 
you use it in time, it will save your hair. I will get it. 
(Exit.) 

Janet. But do all your horses have that dreadful 
disease of the falling out of the hair ? 

Jennie. It isn't — 

Edna. Oh, most of them do, but we're used to it 
and never go without our hats or bonnets. 

Jennie. They are trying — 

Nell. Oh, say, I — I — oh, yes, I meant to ask you, 
Edna, what is the matter with Jim? I notice he is 
limping. 

Edna. He ran a fork in his foot — 

Janet. A fork in his foot ? How did he do that ? 

Jennie. A pitch fork. He was — 

Edna. Oh, he is dreadful careless at the table. 
Mamma is always warning him about how he eats. 

Janet. But how could he run a fork in his foot? 
If he stuck his hand I could understand it. 

Esther re-enters with a bottle of water, 

Jennie. I think you girls are mean to — 

Edna. Ah, here is the medicine. 

Esther. Now, let me pour this on your hair. (She 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 103 

does so. Janet rubs it in.) I don't think you need 
be at all alarmed. 

Janet. Oh, I hope it will be all right. How soon 
will I know? 

Nell. If your hair doesn't all fall out tonight — 

Jennie. I am going to — - 

Esther. Oh, Bessie, Tom told me to tell you he un- 
hitched Dick and turned him here in the yard. 

Janet. That dreadful horse ! I am going to see if 
his hair is still flying all around. (Goes to window.) 
Oh, girls! Girls! Come here. (They crowd around.) 
Look, there's something else the matter with that horse. 
He's rolling on the ground — oh, he's turned clear over ! 
What's the matter? 

Edna. He's having another fit. 

Bessie. Yes, I thought he was over them, but it 
seems not. 

Janet. Having a fit! What if he got one on the 
way home? 

Bessie. Well, it would be all right if he didn't take 
a notion to reach back in the buggy and bite one of us. 

Jennie. He's just rolling. All horses — 

Janet. I won't ride home. I'll walk. Why, it's 
just one danger after another in the country. 

Nell. Oh, you can always tell when one is coming 
on. 

Bessie. Yes, he always gives us a chance to save 
ourselves — climb a tree, or something. 

Jennie. I'm going to tell mamma. (Rises. Esther 
forces her hack into chair.) 

Esther. Oh — I — I — was awful busy this morning. 
We were planting potatoes and I had to cut them. 

Janet. I never did see anyone plant potatoes — or 
anything. It must be interesting. 

Edna. Yes, but kind of tiresome — to peel all those 
potatoes. 

Jennie. You don't have to — 

Esther. And then mamma wants so many mashed. 
, Janet, Masked? What for? 



104 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Edna. Oh, we all like potatoes mashed better than 
any other way. 

Janet. And if you mash them when you sow them, 
is that the way they grow? 

Nell. Of course, but when it comes to frying — 

Esther {to Nell). Don't carry it that far, Nell. 
She'll catch on. 

Bessie. There's going to be a picnic next week at 
Cottonwood Point. We're all going, aren't we ? 

Esther. Oh, yes. We all have such a good time 
there. 

Janet {glancing out of the window). Oh, look at 
that dreadful boy! How he is beating that poor cow! 
(Girls look toward window.) 

Edna. That's Willie, my brother. It looks bad, 
but he is not really cruel. We are going to have straw- 
berries and whipped cream for supper and of course 
poor old Rose has to be whipped or where would we 
get the whipped cream? (Janet rises and moves 
toward door.) Why, what's the matter? 

Janet. I'm going home. I think you girls are aw- 
fully rude and impolite. You've been making fun of 
me the whole time I've been here. I suspected it when 
you said you mashed the potatoes before you sowed 
them, and now I know it, because I read that joke 
about whipped cream in the paper. I'm going right 
straight back to the city, Bessie. I don't think you 
or your friends are one bit nice. 

Bessie {going to Janet and placing hand on her 
shoulder.) Now, Janet, don't be angry. You*re just 
finding out how it feels. Didn't you make all kinds of 
fun of me for being so green while I was in the city? 

Janet {surprised) . I never realized how you might 
feel. 

Bessie. I tried not to show I was offended, but all 
the time I was saying, "I'm going to pay her back." 

Esther. And when we got started we just kept 
it up. 

Nell. But it was awful for us. We ought to have 
remembered you were company. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 105 

Janet. No, it served me exactly right. I can see 
now how impolite I was to Bessie. 

Edna. We'll all forgive and forget. Let's go and 
pick some strawberries. 

Janet. Oh, let's do. And then we'll all take turns 
whipping Rose so we'll have plenty of whipped cream 
to go with them. 

Curtain. 



THE DUSKY HEIRESS. 

CHARACTERS. 

George Jackson. Jeff Jones. 

Fingers Martin. Les Lankins. 

Rastus Rankins. Lucindy Perkins. 

Chick Watson. Annabelle Lucas. 

Characters all black-face. 

Scene: A street. 

Discovered, Rastus Rankins. 

Enter Fingers Martin. 

Fingers. Hello, Rastus! When did you perambu- 
late ovah from — (location of state penitentiary) ? 

Rastus. What you mean? I ain't been dere. 

Fingers. Well, mebbe hit was (location of insane 
asylum), den. Bug-hous or penipetentiary, hits all de 
same to me. 

Rastus. Dat's jus' de way. A party cain't be out 
of town a week or two till dey begin to take his repu- 
tation away. 

Fingers. Dey didn't have much of a load to tote 
when dey done took yohs. (Rastus turns away). 
Oh, hold on! I got sumpin' to tell you. (Rastus 
continues toward exit.) Hold on, I tell you! I done 
found a gole mind and I want you to help me work 
hit. 

Rastus (returning). A gole mind? You'se just 
a kiddin', ain't you? 



106 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Fingers. 'Deed I ain't. Hits a regular gole mind, 
but I kain't work hit. 

Rastus. Why not ? All you'se needs is a pick and 
shovel, ain't hit? You too lazy to do a little diggin' 
when you can git gole out of de ground? 

Fingers. I doan need no pick and shovel. I need 
a {checks them on fingers) new suit of close, a pair 
of tan shoes, a red necktie, and a green hat. You'se 
got all dem. Borrow 'em to me. 

Rastus. Lend yoh mah new close ! What yoh want 
new closes foh to work in a gole mind? You must be 
crazy! I doan believe you got a gole mind nohow. 

Fingers. Yes, I has. Now, listen! You lend me 
yoh new duds and dere'll be sumpin' in it foh you. 

Rastus. Dere'll suah have to be sumpin' in hit foh 
me fore I lend mah new suit to anybody. 

Fingers. All right! I'll make hit right wif you. 
Ah'll come ovah dis evenin' and git de close. Be suah 
dey's all ready foh me. So long. (Starts toward 
exit.) 

Rastus. Hold on ! Hold on, dere ! 

Fingers (returning) . Well, what's de mattah? 

Rastus. You'se suttinly one cool propositionment ! 
You think you'll git mah new close by jus' sayin' 
you'll make it right wif me? I'se got a know all 'bout 
dat gole mind an' I'se got to know just what I git 
out of hit — fifty-fifty hit has to be. 

Fingers. Fifty-fifty ! Half a gole mind for a bor- 
row of yoh old close! I guess not! 

Rastus. All right den! I ain't axin to borrow 
'em to you. Ask somebody else. Or why doan you 
buy you some? 

Fingers. Oh, I doan want to buy any. 

Rastus. You got a good reason for dat, I guess. 
You got a gole mind, but you ain't got de price of a 
suit of close. 

Fingers. Mebbe I ain't now, but you go in wif 
me an' we'll bof be on Easy Street. 

Rastus. Tell me all about it, den. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 107 

Fingers. Well, I 'spects I gotten But if you give 
hit away, hit^s goodnight foh you. 

Rastus. Give away a gole mind when half is mine. 

Fingers. Half! No, sah! 

Rastus. Well, den, all negotiationments is off an 
doan you bodder me no moh. 

Fingers. Oh, well, den, I guess hits got to be, but 
say, if you ebber forgits what a hog is like, jus' look 
in de lookin' glass. 

Rastus. Huh ! Sore, is you ? Les git down to busi- 
ness. 

Fingers. Well, say, you know Lucindy Perkins, 
doan you ? 

Rastus. Know Lucindy Perkins? I guess yes. 
Dat gal is plum crazy 'bout me. 

Fingers. Plum crazy 'bout you? You'se plum 
crazy! But dat doan make no difference now. She 
am de gal I'm gwine to marry. She am de gole mind. 

Rastus. What you mean? 

Fingers. Hit's dis way. You know dat ole Mis* 
Calwell Lucindy's been workin' foh de las' four or 
five years? Well, she's gone an' died an' left Lucindy 
five hundred dollahs ! 

Rastus. Five hundred dollahs! 

Fingers. Yes, an' I'se gwine marry dat gal an' den 
I'll hab de five hundred dollahs ! 

Rastus. Oh, so dat's yoh gole mind, is hit? Dat's 
why you done want me to borrow you mah new close. 
No, sah! I'll marry Lucindy mahself. {Takes turn 
across stage, noting his fine clothes. Takes off hat, 
admires it, glances at shoes, holds out end of tie, etc. 
Fingers watches him angrily.) 

Fingers {suddenly). You go agin me dat way an' 
you know what I'll do? I'll git mah Aunt Mirandy, 
de ole witch doctah, to put a hoodoo on you. Dat's 
what I'll do. Den we'll see how much good yoh fine 
closes does you. (Rastus is frightened.) 

Rastus {trembling). De Ian' sakes. Fingers, you 
take everything foh serious. Think I'se gwine 'gainst 



108 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

you? Why, you'se mah bes' frien'. I'll borrow you 
mah close. 

Fingers. Well, dat's moh like hit. 

Rastus. An' I'll help you all I kin. 

Fingers. Much obliged, Rastus, but once let me 
git decked out in some fancy close like you got an' 
mah face'U do the rest. 

Rastus {aside). Yoh face! Yoh face'd make a cat 
laugh ! If hit wasn't foh your Aunt Mirandy, I'd show 
you. {To Fingers.) Shuah, Fingers, I know Lucindy 
will be proud to take you. Come ovah dis' evenin' 
an' de close will be ready. {Glances up stage.) But 
look! Look dere! If dat ain't Lucindy now an' Chick 
Watson an' Jeff Jones am wif her. Jeff's got her by 
de arm and Chick's holdin' her parasol ovah her. Dat 
looks plum suspicious. 

Fingers. Hit suttinly do, 'case bof dem fellers 
used to be sparkin' Annabelle Lucas. I guess de news 
has done got out. Dere comin' dis way. Hurry an' 
len' me yoh coat an' hat. Dere's no time to be lost. 
Dere's Annabelle trailin' behind wif dat li'l no 'count 
George Jackson. Dere's sumpin' up or she wouldn't 
have to fall back on him. 

Rastus {holding hack). You'll split even wif me? 

Fingers {impatiently). Shuah! Hurry! Hurry! 
{They make hurried exchange of coats and hats. Fin- 
gers gets Rastus^ tie under his ear.) 

Enter Lucindy Perkins, Jeff Jones and Chick 
Watson. 

Fingers {stepping forward to block the way, Ras- 
tus at his side). Good aftahnoon, Lucindy. {Bows 
profoundly.) A lovely day, am it not? I'se been 
wantin' to see you. May I excort you to de lodge 
meetin' dis evenin'? (Chick and Jeff glare at him.) 

Lucindy {coyly). Oh, Mistah Martin, I kain't 
give you an answer now. Bof dese gen'l'mans has 
axed me an' I hardly knows what to say. 

Rastus. Bettah go wif Fingers, Lucindy. Jes' see 
what a coat an' hat he's got. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 109 

Jeff. Yes, an' look at his shoes. {Laughs.) 

Fingers. Dese ain't mah Sunday shoes. 

Rastus. No gal bettah not go wif you, Jeff Jones, 
'case you're likely to be pinched any minute 'count of 
dat shootin' scrap. 

Jeff. I — I — doan know nothin' 'bout no shootin' 
scrap. 

Chick. You keep out of dis. What's hit to you 
who Mis' Perkins goes to de lodge meetin' wif? 

Rastus. Why, I git half — (Fingers gives him a 
shove.) Oh, I mean, I mean — well, she bettah not go 
wif you neither. Ole Cap Larkins said he was goin' 
to git you, you chicken thief ! 

Chick. Me a chicken thief! I neber done stole a 
chicken in mah whole life. {Others laugh.) 

Fingers. Dey doan call you "Chick" Watson for 
nothin'. What's dat you got undah yoh coat right 
now? 

Chick. Dat's a — dat's a kitten I'se takin' home to 
mah li'r sistah. 

Rastus. Let's see dat kitten. (Fingers and Rastus 
scuffle with Chick.) 

Enter Annabelle and George. 

Annabelle. Foh de Ian' sakes ! Foh de Ian' sakes! 
What's all dis about? {They stop scuffling.) 

Finger. Chick said he had a kitten undah his 
coat an' we wanted to see hit. 

Rastus. Mebbe he's got a kitten but hit's shuah 
got de queerest fur I eber did see. {Holds up handful 
of feathers, lets them slowly drop from fingers. All 
except Chick laugh.) 

LuciNDY. Oh, I had a lettah an' I must a' dropped 
it. Oh, there it is! (Chick, Jeff and Fingers jump 
for it. They hump heads. Chick gets it. He elab- 
orately wipes it on coat sleeve, blows off imaginary 
dust and hands it to Lucindy with low bow. Fingers 
seises it.) 

Fingers. Chick, I'se plum ashamed of you — wipin' 
off dat lettah on yoh dirty coat sleeve. {Takes out 



no DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

handkerchief, which looks like dust cloth, wipes letter 
and hands it to Lucindy. Jeff seises letter.) 

Jeff. Mis' Lucindy, doan you touch that lettah. 
Let me clean hit off foh you. (Reaches in coat pocket 
for handkerchief, fails to find one. Explores all pock- 
ets with like result. All laugh but Jeff and Lucindy.) 

Lucindy (pettishly). Oh, give me de lettah! 

Annabelle. Dat's what I say. You big gumps! 
Kain't she dust off her own lettah if she's so particu- 
lah? 

Fingers. Doan mind her, Lucindy. She's no lady 
so she doan know how to talk 'round ladies like you is. 

Annabelle (advancing). Me no lady? You say 
dat agin, Fingers Martin, an' see whar you Ian'. 

George (also advancing). I hope you'se got good 
teeth. Fingers Martin, 'case you done got to eat dose 
words. (They stand in threatening attitude.) 

Rastus (anxiously). If dere's gwine to be any 
fightin* you'se done got to take off mah coat. 

Fingers. Hush ! You'll give the whole thing away. 
( To George. ) You li'l' runt, you ! Go away clean out 
of mah sight before I jus' nacherlly smiflicate you. 

Jeff (taking Lucindy's arm). Les, go, Mis' Per- 
kins. Dis ain't no fittin' company foh you. (Rastus 
and Fingers block way.) 

Annabelle. Somebody's gittin' lots of friends 
lately. 

George. Dey's welcome to her. (Rastus moves 
toward him threateningly.) Come on, Annabelle, we 
was goin' down to de Confectionmary to git some ice 
cream. (They start.) 

Lucindy. Ice cream! Oh, I jus' does think ice 
cream am de bestest stuff dis hot weather. (Her 
friends look at one another sheepishly, hastily go 
through their pockets, some turn them inside out.) 

George. Dey ain't one of dem got de price of an 
ice cream soda. (He and Annabelle laugh.) If dat 
ain't good! £„,,^ Les Lankins. 

Les. Hello, everybody! (To Annabelle.) Oh, 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 111 

say, Annabelle, I done been lookin' foh you all ovah 
dis town. Jedge Preston says you should go up to 
his house right away. He wants to tell you 'bout dat 
five hundred dollahs ole Mis' Calwell done left you. 
{Others show astonishment.) 

Fingers. Left it to Annabelle ! You done said she 
left it to Lucindy. 

Les. I know. But I done make a mistake. You 
see I was — I was a listenin' an' I heard de Jedge say 
somebody was a "lucky culled gal" and de Mis' Jedge 
she say "Why?" An he say, 'case ole Mis' Calwell 
done left her five hundred dollahs an' in course I 
thought hit was Lucindy, 'case Lucindy'd been a-work- 
in' foh her so long. But today I hear 'em a talkin' 
agin an' hit's Annabelle, 'case on dat picnic dat time 
Annabelle she done save ole Mis' great-grandson from 
gittin' drownded. 

Annabelle {clapping her hands). Oh, glory! 
Glory! Five hundred dollahs! Oh, I doan know what 
to do, I'se so happy! 

George. Les' go right up to de Jedge's house, An- 
nabelle, an' find out all about hit. (Chick and Jeff 
step forward.) 

Chick. Let me excort you up dere, Miss Anna- 
belle. 

Jeff {shoving Chick aside). I'd be proud to have 
de pleasure of yoh company up de street. Miss Lucas. 
{Tries to take her arm.) 

Annabelle {indignantly). You'd bettah keep away. 
Doan you ebber speak to me agin. {To George.) 
Come, George. 

George {stepping in front of Annabelle and mak- 
ing deep how). Suttinly, wif'de greatest pleasure, An- 
nabelle. {He takes her arm and escorts her from 
stage.) 

Chick. Oh, well, hit's no use worryin*. Come on, 
Jeff, 'les go down to de house an' cook dis kitten I 
got undah my coat. 

Jeff. All right! A piece of fried chicken (I mean 
kitten) will make me forget any gal dat ebber Hved, 



112 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

eben if she has done got five hundred dollahs. (They 
leave singing some popular song.) 

Fingers. De next time, Les Lankins, I wish you'd 
git things straight. You come a-tellin' me dat hit was 
Lucindy'd git de five hundred dollahs. 

Les. Well, I thought— 

Fingers. Oh, you thought — . Take that. (Strikes 
Les. They struggle.) 

Rastus (trying to separate them). You stop dat. 
Fust thing you know my coat will be all ruint. 

LuciNDY (pulling Les away from others). You 
leave Les alone. (She brushes his coat.). 

Rastus (to Fingers). You give me back my coat 
an' hat an' tie. You an' yoh ole gole mind! (They 
struggle off the stage.) 

LuciNDY (straightening Les' tie). Fust time I 
ebber did notice how terrible good lookin' you am, 
Mistah Lankins. (She hands him her parasol, takes 
his arm and says aside as they leave stage.) I'se done 
jus' obliged dat I'll have somebody to go to dat lodge 
meetin' wif. 

Curtain. 



I 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 113 



SURPLUS ENERGY. 
characters. 

Mrs. Barnes. Edwin. 

The Minister. Clara. 

Harriet. Sadie. 
Willie. 

Scene: Parlor. 

Discovered, the five Children, romping and throw- 
ing things around. 

Enter Harriet. 

Harriet (colored — broom in hand). Why, law^s 
sakes ! What you chilluns doin' ? Why you tar down 
de house? 

Willie. Why, we were only playing. Didn't you 
never play yourself when you were young? 

Harriet. I nebber played like dat. I had dis parlor 
room so nice and clean 'case yoh mamma said dat de 
ministah is gwine to come today. 

Clara. Well, fix it up nice and clean again. You 
ought to be glad that we give you something to do. 

Harriet. I'se got plenty to do without doin' mah 
work twice ovah. 

Edwin. I don't believe you are very fond of work, 
Harriet. I heard Pete say you would dodge as much 
of it as you could. 

Sadie. And he said he was afraid you wouldn't 
support him as well as he was used to and so he got 
him another girl. 

Harriet. Dat sassy nigger ! Jes* wait till I see him I 

Children (dancing around Harriet). She's get- 
ting mad! She's getting mad! (Harriet chases them 

from room.) ^ ^ ,, ^ 

Enter Mrs. Barnes. 

Mrs. Barnes. Why, Harriet, how is it you are 
standing here with the broom in your hand ? Oh, I see, 
the children — 



114 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Harriet {indignantly), I had dis parlor room all 
fixed up yestiddy an' now look at hit ! 

Mrs. Barnes. I see. But remember that children 
are children and must expend their surplus energy in 
some way. 

Harriet. I tell you, if dey doan spend dere sum- 
plus energy some odder way, Fse gwine to leave. 

Mrs. Barnes. Oh, Harriet, don't talk that way! 
Just hurry and get everything in order. {Exit.) 

Harriet {sweeping). "Sumplus energy." "Sum- 
plus energy." I call hit sumplus mischief, dat an' 
nuthin' else. Heah's de ministah already. {Exit.) 

Enter Mrs. Barnes. 

Mrs. Barnes {going to door as knock is heard). 
Mr. Jones is making his very first call here. That will 
cook some of the members of this parish. {Crash is 
heard outside.) Oh, the children are a trifle noisy. But 
the minister will realize it is only their surplus energy. 
{Opens door.) 

Enter The Minister. 

Mrs. Barnes {continuing). It is a great honor and 
pleasure to have you visit us so soon after taking 
charge of the parish. {She takes his hat and they are 
seated.) 

Minister. I assure you that the pleasure is mutual 
and upon this occasion business and pleasure can be 
combined, for you have been very highly recommended 
to me to take charge — {Loud noise outside.) As I was 
saying, you have been highly recommended to me as 
a suitable person to — 

Enter Willie. 

Willie {boisterously). Mamma, mamma, Harriet 
hit me with the broom. 

Mrs. Barnes. Hush, Willie! Run away and tell 
Harriet I said not to dare to do anything like that 
again. 

Willie. She'd better not, the fat old stiff. {Exit.) 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 115 

Minister. Rather a fine boy is Willie. He seems 
to be full of surplus energy. 

Mrs. Barnes. That's what I tell Harriet, but she 
has no patience with the dear children. 

Minister. To resume our conversation — you were 
highly recommended to me as one eminently fitted to 
take charge of a class which I wish — (crash outside). 

Mrs. Barnes. Excuse me one minute, please. I 
will see what is the matter. 

Minister. Surplus energy! It*s a good thing if 
properly controlled, but I fear that Mrs. Barnes has 
not the capacity to take control of the class which I 
intend to organize. Having gone thus far in broach- 
ing the subject to her, though, I don't see very well 
how I can withdraw. Perhaps another interruption 
will relieve the situation. 

Enter Mrs. Barnes. 

Mrs. Barnes. It was nothing. The children 
merely overturned the library table and knocked a pic- 
ture or two off the wall. They are so full of surplus 
energy. 

Minister. True, true. But I fear my time will 
not permit me — 

Enter Harriet in street costume and with large bun- 
dle under her arm, 

Harriet. Fse gwine to leave. 1*11 not stay where 
chilluns has so much sumplus energy, an' where dey's 
all time makin' fun ob me. 

Mrs. Barnes. Why, Harriet ! You know they never 
make fun of you. That wouldn't be polite and no one 
can tell me my children are ill-bred. 

Harriet. Dey does so. Dey make up a piece *bout 
me an* dey's always a-sayin* hit. 

Mrs. Barnes. Just a little good-natured sport. 
Don't be so touchy. 

Enter the five Children. 



116 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Children (standing in line and pointing at Har- 
riet). Harriet's mad and she's awful sad 
Because she knows the truth, sir. 
Big Black Pete's got a new girl sweet 
And likes old Harriet no more, sir. 

(Harriet advances threateningly toward Children. 
They rush around room trying to dodge her, hide he- 
hind Minister, jostle him. The Minister rises. The 
Children try to keep him between them and Har- 
riet.) 

Mrs. Barnes. Harriet, stop this instant. Don't you 
dare to hurt one of those children. {Seizes Harriet 
by arm.) I'll have you arrested — making all this dis- 
turbance over a little surplus energy. {They all leave 
stage in great confusion.) 

Curtain. 



VOTES FOR WOMEN. 

characters. 
Mrs. Ashby. Mrs. Eastman. 

Mrs. Baker. Arabella. 

Mrs. Carter. Johnny. 

Mrs. Durbin. Susie. 

Scene: Living room. 
Discovered, the matrons. 

Mrs. Ashby. Well, I guess all that are coming are 
here now. Mrs. EUers called up and said she had a 
kettle of soap on — that it would be a grand thing to 
vote and all that, but who'd cook her soap ? She told 
me to notice what Arabella was wearing — said she was 
going to make over her green brilliantine dress, and 
being that Arabella was just from the city, maybe she 
would have the latest styles. 

Mrs. Baker. I hardly think Arabella pays much 
attention to fashions. She will very likely tell us her 
mind is upon higher affairs. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 117 

Mrs. Carter. There was a time when she liked to 
fix up as well as anyone — when she first started to go 
with Rob Burns. 

Mrs. Durbin. And a lucky thing for her if she 
had married him, instead of running all over the coun- 
try, wearing herself out making silly speeches. 

Mrs. Eastman. Why, Mrs. Durbin ! That doesn't 
sound very much as if you are in favor of women 
voting. 

Mrs. Durbin. And I'm not. Are you? 

Mrs. Eastman. Well, my mind is not made up. 
That's why I came today. We should study both sides 
of every question. 

Mrs. Durbin. I'm sure one side of it gives me all 
I can do. I'm as busy as a bee from morning till 
night. Besides you don't know Arabella if you think 
she will give more than one side a showing. 

Mrs. Ashby. I'm afraid that's so. When she wrote 
to me to get up this meeting, she filled about ten pages 
with talk about striking a blow for the freedom of 
women, breaking their fetters* the Dark Ages — what- 
ever they are — and a lot more. I had to start supper 
before I finished the letter, and when I went to look 
for it I found that Jimmie had used the very pages 
I hadn't read for a kite. I wrote back and told her 
we'd be glad to hear her speak and I'd try to get as 
many together as I could. I'm afraid she'll be disap- 
pointed that there isn't a crowd. 

Mrs. Baker. I heard a number of the women say 
they wished they could come, just to hear what she 
had to say, but it's such a busy time. 

Mrs. Carter. It certainly is. I could hardly get 
ofif. I had an awful washing to do this morn- 
ing, but seeing that Arabella's folks and I were al- 
ways such good friends I thought I'd come. I sup- 
pose she takes after her father. The old judge cer- 
tainly did like to hear himself talk. 

Mrs. Durbin. Though when Arabella was here 
she seemed just like the rest of the girls — jolly and 
wanting a good time. It's too bad she ever went to 



118 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

the city. If she had stayed here she never would have 
joined that League, or whatever she calls it — and got 
all those notions in her head. 

Mrs. Eastman. Here she's coming now. The train 
got in on time for a wonder. That will give her two 
hours with us. She's going on to Rockwood on the 
4:30. She must be a good speaker to have so many 
dates to -fill and maybe she will show you ladies where 
you're wrong. As for me, I'm going to listen with an 
open mind. Perhaps we ought to vote. One thing I 
know! I'm as smart as any man in this town — 
though of course that's not saying much. {Knock is 
heard. Mrs. Ashby goes to the door. Ladies rise.) 

Enter Arabella. 

Arabella (after greeting and shaking hands with 
each one of the ladies). How nice it seems to be back 
in the dear little town after being gone so long ! 

Mrs. Ashby. And we're all glad to see you, Ara- 
bella. How well you look ! Traveling must agree with 
you. 

Arabella. Yes, I suppose it does, but the noble 
work in which I am engaged has left little time for 
my thoughts to dwell upon its pleasures. 

Mrs. Durbin (aside). Sounds like the old judge 
when he was 'round electioneering. 

Mrs. Ashby. Well, now, everybody sit down and 
Arabella will tell us all about it. (All take seats except 
Arabella, who stands by table.) 

Arabella. With the greatest of pleasure. When 
I left here two years ago for the metropolis, where I 
joined the League and became a student of the most 
important, the most vital question that ever confronted 
the people of this or any other age, I resolved that 
my old and dear friends would be the first to receive 
the benefit of my acquired knowledge — ^the first to re- 
ceive a ray of light that would dispel the darkness and 
gloom that has enshrouded women in the past. 

Mrs. Ashby. Why, you talk like a regular speaker, 



I 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 119 

Arabella. How nice ! But there's little Johnny Baker 
running up the walk. I wonder what's the matter. 

Mrs. Baker {greatly excited). Johnny coming! 
Something's happened at home! 

Enter Johnny. 

Mrs. Baker {continuing, seizing Johnny's arm). 
What is it, Johnny? Did somebody get hurt? Hurry 
up ! Don't stand there staring ! Can't you see I'm about 
crazy? Did the baby swallow something? Or did 
one of the others fall down in the well? Why don't 
you — 

Johnny. Well, maw, give me a chance. There's 
nothin' the matter, only the chickens got in the gar- 
den — 

Mrs. Baker. And you call that nothing, though of 
course it might be worse. Did you get them all out? 
Why didn't you watch? You know that gate blows 
open. 

Johnny. We were watching. We saw them as 
soon as they got in, and we all rushed out and paw 
had the baby and he fell against the clothes prop and 
that broke the line loose from the post and all your 
white clothes fell in the mud. 

Mrs. Baker. What ! I'll never be able to get them 
clean. Oh, why didn't — 

Johnny. And paw dropped the baby. She got all 
muddy, but it didn't hurt her much. 

Mrs. Baker. Dropped the baby ! Oh, it must have 
hurt her. Where's my bonnet? {Looks for it.) I 
must go home. I'll find her dead, I know I will. 

Mrs. Eastman. Now, don't get excited, Mrs. 
Baker. She isn't hurt or Jim would have sent word 
for you to hurry right home. 

Johnny. No, maw, I tell you she isn't hurt. We 
were scared at first, though. She was kind of black 
in the face and paw thought she had mebbe swallowed 
her rattle. She had it in her mouth when he ran out 
and we couldn't find it no place, but at last Frank 



120 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

saw it over by the fence. It must have flew out of 
her mouth when paw fell over the clothes prop. 

Mrs. Baker. Black in the face, you say? {Turns 
to ladies.) Now, what could have made her turn 
black in the face? Oh, I must hurry home. I know 
she's bad hurt. (Starts.) 

Mrs. Ashby (detaining her). Now, now, Mrs. 
Baker, it's nothing. I guess the jar made her hold 
her breath. (To Johnny.) Her face got to looking 
all right in a minute or two, didn't it, Johnny? 

Johnny. Yes, ma'am. She cried a little but we 
took her in and she eat like everything and then got 
to laughing and cutting up to beat the band. 

Mrs. Baker. Ate like everything, did she? What 
did you give her to eat ? 

Johnny (aside). Oh, shucks! I forgot paw told 
me not to say we had given her anything to eat. 

Mrs. Baker. What was it? Crackers? I said if 
she cried not to give her a thing but a cracker. You 
know she's been sick. 

Johnny. Well, we looked for 'the crackers, but we 
couldn't find them — 

Mrs. Baker. There wasn't anything cooked in the 
house. 

Johnny. There was a big kettle of kraut. 

Mrs. Baker. And you gave her kraut! 

Johnny. Yes'm. She liked it. But paw wouldn't 
give her much — just one saucerful. 

Mrs. Baker. Well, I must go home. She'll be sick 
for a month, I suppose, but maybe it serves me right. 
After this I'll know enough not to bother about votes 
for women. (To Arabella.) Goodbye, Arabella, and 
I wish it was so you could come to see us. Next time 
you must fix it so you can stay a week or more. 

Arabella. Thank you, Mrs. Baker. I do hope the 
baby won't be sick. 

Mrs. Baker. Well, I hope so. (To others.) Good- 
bye, everybody. Come when you can. (Ladies re- 
spond.) Come, Johnny. 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 121 

Johnny (aside). I kind of hate to face my paw. 
(Exeunt Mrs. Baker and Johnny.) 

Mrs. Eastman! Now, that was too bad, but I'm 
sure the baby will, be none the worse. And go on 
with your speech, Arabella. My, I'm interested! 
There's nothing I'd like better than to vote and maybe 
we could hold office, too. Wouldn't it be lovely to 
go to Washington like your father did, Arabella? 
Hurry and tell us all about it. 

Arabella. To proceed then : Life, liberty and the 
pursuit of happiness are the inalienable rights of 
woman as well as of man, and as long as woman is 
deprived of the liberty of exercising her right to vote, 
she is in a condition of slavery. I might go further 
and say, "Ladies, under present conditions you are 
slaves!" Yes, I repeat it. "You are slaves!" 

Mrs. Carter. Oh, Arabella, that's putting it too 
strong, don't you think? Slaves! If I'm not boss in 
my own home, then I'd like to know who is ! But, 
good gracious me ! There's my Susie. I wonder what's 
happened. Come in and tell me the worst at once. 

Enter Susie. 

Mrs. Carter (rising and continuing). What is it, 
Susie? What's the matter? 

Susie. Oh, nothing, mom, only Anna said I'd bet- 
ter come over and ask you if 110 wasn't pretty high 
for the incubator? 

Mrs. Carter. 110! Did it get that high? Oh, the 
eggs are cooked! Did any of you touch the lamp? 

Susie. I don't know. Mebbe Robbie did. He was 
in there by himself awhile. 

Mrs. Ashby. There's the telephone. I must an- 
swer it. 

Mrs. Carter. Well, I must go home and see what 
I can do. But I guess it's too late now. 

Mrs. Eastman. Oh, maybe not. Take them out 
and cool them and maybe they will be all right. 

Mrs. Carter. Well, I'll see. Goodbye, Arabella. 
Maybe you will learn after awhile that women are not 



122 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

slaves, but they have to be at home pretty much all 
the time if they don't v^ant everything to get topsy- 
turvy. My, I hate it about those eggs. I sent off for 
them and would rather have run that incubator right 
this time than run for President of the United States. 
Goodbye. I must hurry home. (Others reply. Exit 
Mrs. Carter.) 

Enter Mrs. Ashby. 

Mrs. Ashby. Did Mrs. Carter go home? My, I 
hope those eggs won't be spoiled. (To Mrs. East- 
man.) That telephone message was for you, Mrs. 
Eastman. Your husband said to get home as soon as 
you could. Your cousin Jennie and the children are 
there. 

Mrs. Eastman (delighted). Oh, good! I've been 
looking for them so long and she wrote last week she 
was afraid she couldn't come. They'll stay two or 
three weeks, anyhow, and then I'll go home with them. 
Tom said I sure must. I haven't been on a trip for 
nearly two months. (To Arabella.) Arabella, I'm 
sorry you're not staying longer. I'd love to have you 
meet Jennie and the children — they are just too dear. 
I must hurry now. Oh, I'm just too glad for anything. 

Arabella. But, Mrs. Eastman, I thought you 
wanted to hear about votes for women. I could tell 
you in a few words — 

Mrs. Eastman. Oh, yes, and I'm awfully inter- 
ested, but any time will do for that. Mrs. Ashby and 
Mrs. Durbin, you must come over as soon as you can. 
I must run now to see those darling kids. (Exit.) 

Mrs. Ashby, Please excuse me for just a minute. 
I'm so uneasy about my incubator since I heard about 
Mrs. Carter's that I must run down to the basement 
to see if it is too high. 

Mrs. Durbin. Well, Arabella, your audience wasn't 
very large at first and it's dwindled down to me, and 
if you'll excuse me, I'm not much interested in "votes 
for women" talk. No, indeed. Woman's place is in 
the home — 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 123 

Arabella. But every woman hasn't a home. Take 
myself for instance — 

Mrs. Durbin. And who's fault is that? You could 
have had Rob Burns any time you said the word. 

Arabella. But it's too late now. 

Mrs. Durbin. Too late? I haven't told you yet 
why I'm here this afternoon instead of doing my work 
at home as I should be doing. I came to bring a mes- 
sage from that poor, faithful — 

Arabella. Do you mean that Rob is waiting for 
me yet? 

Mrs. Durbin. Of course he is. And he's over at 
my house. It's a good thing the meeting broke up as 
it did — ^you'll have time for a nice visit with him 
and he'll talk all those foolish ideas out of your head. 
We'll just wait to tell Mrs. Ashby goodbye and then 
we'll hurry home. (Pats Arabella on shoulder.) I'm 
glad you're coming to your senses, my dear. But you 
wouldn't be your father's daughter if you didn't have 
a level head. (To audience.) See how the girl gives 
up the vote for the voter. 

Curtain. 



124 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 



WHO CUT THE SWING. 

characters. 

Miss Dorothy. Elmer. 

Mr. Ames. James. 

Marvin. Richard. 

Robert. 
Other pupils to form classes. 

Scene: School room. 

Primary reading class in front. 

Miss Dorothy. Now, Richard, you may read the 
next paragraph. (Richard rises and reads. Marvin 
takes pencil and jabs James in cheek. James shoves 
him and they start to scuffle. Marvin pushes some 
books off the desk on James^ side. James starts to 
pick them up. Marvin becomes absorbed in study.) 

Miss Dorothy. Stop reading, Richard. There is 
so much noise I cannot hear you. (To James.) Well, 
really, James, it seems to me a boy of your size would 
be a little more careful. Don't keep so many books 
on the top of your desk after this, then they won't 
fall off and disturb the whole room. Richard, you 
may continue your reading. (Richard reads.) 

James (to Marvin). You're always getting me 
called down. 

Marvin. Am I? Why don't you watch sharp? 

James. I am going to get even with you. 

Marvin (laughs). You always say that. (Rich- 
ard finishes paragraph and takes seat.) 

Miss Dorothy. There seems to be whispering in 
the room. James, are you talking? 

James. Yes, Ma'am. 

Miss Dorothy. Marvin? 

Marvin (innocently). No, Miss Dorothy. 

Miss Dorothy. James, it seems to me you are get- 
ting to be a very troublesome boy. (To Richard.) 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 125 

Richard, you must read that paragraph again. I 
hardly heard you. (Richard rises and reads.) 

James {to Marvin). I wouldn't tell a lie. 

Marvin. I didn't. I wasn't talking right then. 

James. You knew what she meant. 

Marvin. She ought to say what she means. 

Miss Dorothy. Well, Richard, you read very 
nicely, {To Class.) You all knew your lesson today 
so you may have a new one. And while the next class 
is reciting, you will, as usual, make a list of the words 
you cannot pronounce and of those whose meaning 
you do not know. You may rise. (Class does so.) 
Pass. {They pass to seats.) We will now hear the 
class in history. Rise. (Class rises.) Pass. {They 
pass to front of room and take seats. Marvin sits be- 
hind James.) We have a very important subject to- 
day — Greene's campaign in the South. (Marvin keeps 
pushing James mith pencil. James squirms in seat 
and pays no attention to teacher — partly turns his head 
toward Marvin.) This campaign had much to do 
with the successful conclusion of the war. James, you 
may tell us what your history says of the tactics of 
this great general. 

James {rising, to Elmer). What did she say? 

Elmer {to James). I dunno. (James makes no 
reply to teacher and seems embarrassed.) 

Miss Dorothy. I am afraid you have not prepared 
your lesson. Indeed, I would be surprised if you did 
not fail — the way you were wasting your time. But 
you must have gathered something from your lesson. 
Give us your own opinion, if you do not know the 
author's. Do you think the great commander was 
right? What would you have done under the circum- 
stances? (James shuffles from one foot to the other, 
glances appealingly at Elmer^ who shakes his head.) 

Marvin {to James). Tell her you would have 
turned the birds loose. 

Miss Dorothy {sharply). Well, James? Fm wait- 
ing. 



126 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

James. I would have turned the birds loose. 

Miss Dorothy. James! I don't know what to 
make of you! There is a time for joking, but not in 
history class, especially as you are all so far behind 
what the course of study requires. 

Elmer {to Marvin). You ought to be ashamed. 

Marvin {to Elmer). Isn't he a boob? 

Miss Dorothy {to James). You may be seated, 
James. You have not been funny at all. (James takes 

^^^^'^ Enter Robert. 

Robert {taking seat and raising hand). Miss Dor- 
othy! Miss Dorothy! 

Miss Dorothy. Well, Robert? 

Robert. Miss Dorothy, the girls better not swing 
on that grapevine swing of theirs at noon hour. I 
passed there when I went to the spring for a drink 
and I noticed someone had cut it nearly in two. It's 
a good thing I saw it, 'cause if they had started to 
swing, it would sure have broken and they would 
have gotten hurt. 

Miss Dorothy. Certainly they would, and perhaps 
very seriously. I'm so glad you noticed it, Robert. 
But who could have done anything like that? This is 
a very serious matter — not like some of the little tricks 
played before. Now, I must find out who the culprit 
is. 

Elmer. It was all right this morning at recess— 
and Robert is the only one who has left the room. 

Robert. Well, I didn't do it. Think I'd do some- 
thing like that and then come right in and tell on my- 
self. Besides, I couldn't reach up to where it was cut. 
I tried. I was going to cut it all the way off. 

Elmer {aside). Marvin and James came in late 
after recess. It's one of them. {Loud knock is heard. 
Miss Dorothy goes to door.) 

Enter Mr. Ames. 

Mr. Ames. How de do. Miss Dorothy? (Miss 
Dorothy places chair for him.) No, thank you. I 



DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 127 

won't sit down. I just came over to tell you about 
that swing. (Marvin frightened.) My, I hurried! 
Afraid it would be free time before I could get here 
and some of the children would get hurt. That new 
hired hand of mine — the bone-head — saw it being cut, 
and instead of finishing the job or telling you, he 
waits till he comes in for dinner and then just hap- 
pens to mention it to me. Now, Miss Dorothy, you 
know I never interfered in the school or tried to tell 
you what to do, like some directors, but I really think 
that boy {points to Marvin) ought to be punished. 

Miss Dorothy. I think so, too. He ought to be 
made to realize that there is a great difference be- 
tween some harmless trick and a practical joke which 
might have resulted in loss of life. James, come here. 
(James rises and slowly approaches teacher's desk.) 
Did you not realize, James, that the swing would prob- 
ably break and some of the girls be seriously injured? 
(James looks at Marvin but does not reply.) Answer 
my question, James. (A pause.) 

Marvin (rising). He didn't do it, Miss Dorothy. 
I did it. 

Miss Dorothy. You, Marvin! 

Mr. Ames. Of course he did it. I pointed to him. 
I was just waiting to see if he would own up. 

Miss Dorothy. I thought you pointed to James. 

Mr. Ames. That's because James seems just nat- 
urally to blunder into trouble while this little scamp 
(looks at Marvin) is as slick as an eel. I've known 
these boys all their lives, Miss Dorothy. There isn't 
a better boy than James or a more mischievous one 
than Marvin. I was afraid he was getting spoiled. 
He's on the road all right, but as long as he's honor- 
able enough not to let another take the blame for a 
really serious offense, perhaps there's hope for him. 
You going to amend your ways, young man? 

Marvin. I sure am, Mr. Ames. And er — er — 

Mr. Ames. You want me to ask Miss Dorothy to 
let— 



128 DIALOGUES FOR RURAL SCHOOLS 

Marvin. Oh, thank you, Mr. Ames. And thank 
you, too. Miss Dorothy. You will see that I appreci- 
ate your kindness. I am going to be very good from 
now on. 

Mr. Ames {to Miss Dorothy). Didn't I tell you 
he was slick? 

Curtain. 

FINIS 



^c\C- 



DENISON'S ACTING PLAYS 

Partial List of Successfui and Popular Plays. Large Catalogue Free 



FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. 
Price 25 Cents Each 

M. F. 

All on a Summer's Day, 40 min. 4 6 
Aunt Harriet's Night Out, 35 

min 1 2 

Aunt Matilda's Birthday Party, 

35 min 11 

Billy's Chorus Girl, 30 min. ..23 

Borrowed Ltuicheon, 20 min.. 5 

Borrowing Trouble, 20 min.... 3 5 
Case Against Casey, 40 min... 23 

Class Ship, 35 min 3 8 

Divided Attentions, 35 min... 1 4 

Fun in Photo Gallery, 30 min.. 6 10 

Getting Rid of Father, 20 min. '3 1 

Goose Creek Line, 1 hr 3 10 

Great Pumpkin Case, 35 min.. 12 

Hans \'on Smash, 30 min.... 4 3 

Honest Peggy, 25 min 8 

H-ish Linen Peddler, 40 min... 3 3 

Just Like a Woman, 35 min... 3 3 

Last Rehearsal, 25 min 2 3 

Men Not Wanted, 30 min 8 

]\Iother Goose's Goslings, 30 m. 7 9 

Mrs. lenkins' Brilliant Idea, 35m. 8 

Mrs. Stubbins' Book Agent, 30 m. 3 2 

Not a Man in the House, 40 m. 5 

Paper Wedding, 30 min 1 5 

Pat's Matrimonial A'enture, 25 

min , 1 2 

Patsy O'VVang, 35 min 4 3 

Rummage Sale, 50 min 4 10 

Sewing for the Heathen, 40 

min 9 

Shadows, 35 min 3 4 

Sing a Song of Seniors, 30 min. 7 

Taking Father's Place, 30 min. 5 3 
Teacher Kin I Go Home, 35 

min 7 3 

Too Much of a Good Thing, 45 

min 3 6 

Two Ghosts in White, 20 min.. 8 

Two of a Kind, 40 min 2 3 

Uncle Dick's :Mistake. 20 min.. 3 2 

Wanted: a Correspondent, 45 m. 4 4 
Watch, a Wallet, and a Jack of 

Spades. 40 min 3 6 

^^^lo^e Truth. 40 min 5 4 

Who's the Boss? 30 min . . 3 6 

Wide Knough for Two, 45 min. 5 2 

Wrong Baby, 25 min 8 

FARCES, COMEDIETAS, Etc. 
Price 15 Cents Each 

April Fools, 30 min 3 

Assessor, The, 15 min 3 2 

Baliy Sliow at Pineville, 20 min. 19 
Before the Play Begins, 15 

min 2 1 

Dilly's Mishaps, 20 min 2 3 

Country Justice, 1 S min 8 

Cow that Kicked Chicago, 25 m. 3 2 

Familv Strike, 20 min 3 3 

First-Class Hotel. 20 min 4 

For Love and Honor, 20 min.. 2 1 

Fudge and a Burglar, 15 min.. 5 



Great Medical Dispensary, 30 m. 6 
Initiating a Granger, 25 min.. 8 

Kansas Immigrants, 20 min... 5 1 

Lottie Sees It Through, 35 min. 3 4 

Pair of Lunatics, 20 min 1 1 

Pat, the Apothecary, 35 min.. 6 2 

Please Pass the Cream, 20 min. 1 1 

Second Childhood, 15 min 2 2 

Smith's LTnlucky Day, 20 min.. 1 1 

That Rascal Pat, 30 min 3 2 

Two Aunts and a Photo, 20 m. 4 
Two Gentlemen in a Fix, 15 m. 2 

Wanted: A Hero, 20 min 1 1 

VAUDEVILLE SKETCHES 
Price 25 Cents Each 

Amateur, 15 min 1 1 

At Harmony Junction,' 20 min. 4 
Breakfast Food for Two, 20 m. 1 1 

Cold Finish, 15 min 2 1 

Coming Champion, 20 min.... 2 
Fresh Timothy Hay, 20 min.. 2 1 

Her Hero, 20 min 1 1 

Hey, Ru])e! 15 min 1 

It Might Happen, 20 min 1 1 

Little Miss Enemy, 15 min.... 1 1 
Little Red School House, 20 m. 4 
Marriage and After, 10 min,. 1 
One Sweetheart for Two, 20 m. 2 

Oyster Stew, 10 min 2 

Pete Yansen's Gurl's Moder, 10m. 1 
Quick Lunch Cabaret, 20 min. . 4 

Si and I, 15 min 1 

Special Sale, 15 min 2 

Street Faker, 15 min 3 

Such Ignorance, IS min 2 

Sunny Son of Italy, 15 min.. 1 

Time Table, 20 min 1 1 

Tramp and the Actress, 20 min. 1 1 
Troubles of Rozinski, 15 min,. 1 
Two Jay Detectives, 1 5 min . . 3 
Umbrella Mender, 15 min.... 2 
Vait a Minute 2 

BLACK-FACE PLAYS 
Price 15 Cents Each 

Axin' Her Father, 25 min 2 3 

Booster Club of Blackville, 25 

min 10 

Colored Honeymoon, 25 min... 2 2 
Coon Creek Courtship, 15 m... 1 1 
Coontown Thirteen Club, 25 m. 14 
Darktown Fire Brigade, 25m.. 10 
Good Mornin' Judp^e, 35 min.. 9 2 

Hungry, 15 min 2 

Love and Lather, 35 min 3 2 

Memphis Mofc, 25 min 5 1 

Oh, Doctor! 30 min 6 2 

Troubled by Ghosts, 10 min... 4 
What Happened to Hannah, 15 

min 1 1 

A great number of 

Standard and Amateur Plays 

not found here are listed in 

Denison's Catalogue 



T.S.DENISON&COMPANY,Pubiishers,154W. Randolph St., Chicago 



POPULAR ENTERTAINMENT BOOKS \ 

Illustrated Paper Covers. 







IN this Series 
are found 
books touching 
every feature 
in the enter- 
tainment field. 
Finely made, 
good paper, 
clear print and 
each book has 
an attractive 
individual cov- 
er design. 



A Partial List 

DIALOGUES 

All Sorts of Dialogues. 

Selected, fine for older pupils. 
Catchy Comic Dialogues. 

Very clever;, for young people. 
Ciiildren's Comic Dialogues. 

From six to eleven years of age. 
Country School Dialogues. 

Brand new, original. 
Dialogues for District Schools. 

For country schools. 
Dialogues from Dickens. 

Thirteen selections. 
Friday Afternoon Dialogues. 

Over 60,000 copies sold. 
From Tots to Teens. 

l^ialogues and recitations. 
Humorous Homespun Dialogues. 

For older ones. 
Little People's Plays. 

From 7 to 13 years of age. 
Lively Dialogues. 

For all ages; mostly humorous. 
Merry Little Dialogues. 

Thirty-eight original selections. 
When the Lessons are Over. 

Dialogues, drills, plays. 
Wide Awake Dialogues. 

Original successful. 

SPEAKERS, MONOLOGUES 

Choice Pieces for Little People. 

A child's speaker. 
The Comic Entertainer. 

Recitations, monologues, dialogues. 
Dialect Readings. 

Irish, Dutch, Negro, Scotch, etc. 
The Favorite Speaker. 

Choice prose and poetry. 
The Friday Afternoon Speaker. 

For pupils of all ages. 
Humorous IVIonologues. 

Particularly for ladies. 
Monologues for Young -Folks. 

Clever, humorous, original. 



Monologues Grave and Gay. 

Dramatic and humorous. 
Scrap- Book Recitations. 

Choice collections, pathetic, hu- 
morous, descriptive, prose, 
poetry. 15 Nos. 

DRILLS 

The Best Drill Book. 

Very popular drills and marches. 
The Favorite Book of Drills. 

Drills that sparkle with originality. 
Little Plays With Drills. 

For children from 6 to 11 years. 
The Surprise Drill Book. 

Fresh, novel, drills and marches. 

SPECIALTIES 

The Boys' Entertainer. 

Monologues, dialogues, drills. 
Children's Party Book. 

Invitations, decorations, games. 
The Christmas Entertainer. 

Novel and diversified. 
The Days We Celebrate. 

Fntertainments for all the holidays. 
Good Things for Christmas. 

Recitations, dialogues, drills. 
Good Things for Sunday Schools. 

Dialogues, exercises, recitations. 
Good Things for Thanksgiving. 

A gem of a book. 
Good Things for Washington 

and Lincoln Birthdays. 
Little Folks' Budget. 

Easy pieces to speak, songs. 
One Hundred Entertainments. 

New parlor diversions, socials. 
Patriotic Celebrations. 

Great variety of material. 
Pictured Readings and Tableaux. 

Entirely original features. 
Pranks and Pastimes. 

Parlor games for children. 
Shadow Pictures, Pantomimes, 

Charades, and how to prepare. 
Tableaux and Scenic Readings. 

New and novel; for all ages. 
Twinkling Fingers and Sway- 
ing Figures. For little tots. 
Yuletide Entertainments. 

A choice Christmas collection. 

MINSTRELS, JOKES 

The Black-Face Joker; 

.Minstrels' and end men's gags. 

A Bundle of Burnt Cork Comedy. 

- Monologues, stump speeches, etc. 

Laughland, via the Ha-Ha Route. 

A merry trip for fun tourists. 
Negro Minstrels. 

All about the business. 
The New Jolly Jester. 

Funny stories, jokes, gags, etc. 

Largre illustrated Catalogue Free 



T.S. DENISON & COMPANY, Publishers ,154 W. Randolph St. , Chicago 



Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process 
Neutralizing agent; Magnesium Oxide 
Treatment Date: Nov, 2007 

PreservationTechnologies 

A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 

111 Thomson Park Drive 
Cranberry Township, PA 16066 
(724)779-2111 



